So worth the wiat...

I watched LILI yesterday. I was afraid that it might be a bit of a let-down, as I had built it up so in my mind, but it wasn’t. It was just lovely. Completely charming and utterly enchanting, just as I had remembered from when I was 7 or 8. And I finally got to see the ending! It was well worth the wait. I feel as though a chapter of my childhood has finally been completed.
The film was made in 1953. It was a big hit in its day, and won at least one Oscar. The story is beautifully told, and superbly acted by the gorgeous Leslie Caron. It is one of the sweetest and most beautiful love stories I have ever watched. Really touches the heart. They just don’t make movies like this anymore.
As an added bonus, my mom and my granny, whom I haven’t seen in 7 months, came to watch it with me. What a great day.

Little Christopher is just the most gorgeous little fellow. I think he can pick up how very much wanted and loved he is by the whole family. I held him in my arms on Saturday at the hospital, and just bonded with the little sweetheart. I am so, so happy for Sonja and Jannie. They deserve their bundle of joy so very much.

On June 1 I start my water fast. I’ve been preparing for it for ages, and I think it will go well. Unfortunately, I think that the MS may be starting up again. I know from previous experience that it is not a good idea to mix fasting with a relapse. Still, I’ll give it a stab and see how it goes. My nearest and dearest aren’t so keen on me fasting. I don’t blame them, I think I stressed them out last time. But they also aren’t keen on me taking such regular doses of IV cortisone, and that is what I am trying to avoid.
I don’t want to set unrealistic expectations for this fast. I would like to do at least 7 days. According to the books that I have on the subject, one needs to fast for between 14 and 28 days to see significant benefits with a chronic illness. I would love to do at least two weeks, but I’ll have to see how it goes.
It’s scary once you’re on the fast. You don’t feel well, and pretty weak to boot. But the benefits are so huge that it is worth the discomfort. I intend to take it one day at a time, and see how it goes.

I am now the proud owner of a passport! I went and fetched it this morning. This is a big load off my mind.

I have a list of things I want to do before I start my water-fast. The passport was one of them. Getting my water distiller was another. BTW, my distiller is working brilliantly. Now I can have pure, distilled water on my fast.
Actually, I’ve done most of the things that I wanted to do already. .

My mom has lent me some really nice CD’s to listen to, and I have three new books to read that I’ve been waiting for for ages, so I’m covered as far as entertainment on the fast is concerned. And there’s the DsTV, of course. One of the worst things about the fast is the boredom and insomnia. I know this from past experience.

Each day that I fast at home saves Michael and I R1100. That is the cost per day at a fasting clinic. Michael was horrified by this, considering they don’t even have any catering costs, lol. For a 7 day fast, which is relatively short as far as fasts go, it would set a person back R7700, and that is for a room where you will be sharing! No thank you.I will be much more comfortable here at my own home.

Newsworthy day!

I have SO much news, for a change.

Sonja’s Christopher has been born and he is just gorgeous1 Mother and child are doing fine. He weighs 3.775kg and is 51cm long. He also has flat ears. Sonja was worried that he’d inherit her ears, which she doesn’t like (even though there’s nothing wrong with them!) He was born with quite a bit of hair. Michael and I were the first members of the family to see him. He was in the incubator and was very restful, although he was obviously ‘checking the place out’, and wondering “where on earth am I now?” It was so special to be there to witness Sonja and Jannie’s special miracle.

I also got my water-distiller today (can I stand all the excitement, lol). I haven’t put it through its paces yet, although I have been reading all its pamphlets and getting to know it. Some of its parts needed to be washed, and stand overnight with the cleaning agent in. Tomorrow I have my first taste of home-distilled water. How my life has changed that this is now something that really excites m, lol. I have a lot still to say on the subject, and my experience with the supplier, which was very good. That’ll do for tomorrow’s post, however.

Another thing that happened this morning was that Bosveld Barbie next doot finally drove me over the edge. She played her backing music with the bass so loud this morning that I felt it vibrating in my body while I was in the bath! And it hurt my ears. It just carried on and on the whole morning. Then I realized that it was childish to fume and curse in my flat about it. I should act like a mature adult and go and see her. So I went and knocked on her door (between songs). I greeted her, and then remarked that she has a lovely voice (which is true, I’ve just had an overdose of it). I reading reading once that before criticizing, one should make a compliment. You catch more flies with honey, and all that…) Then I requested that she just turn down her bass a little, as it was overpoweringly loud. She took it well, and said that the amp is resting against our (communal) wall. That explains a lot! And said that they would move it. Yay! She thanked me for coming to talk to her in a civilized manner, and said I should come again if it was still bothering me. After that, the volume went down considerably. Much better. I feel quite proud of myself for sorting it out so amicably.
I had such a treat today. I bought a loaf of pure rye bread, and some raw honey to spread on it. So delicious. The honey, I saw after I got home, is unheated and unfiltered and basically just un-fiddled with. It’s also Badger Friendly. I was very pleased to read that, because I absolutely LOVE honey-badgers. I love watching wildlife doccies about them, and I even passed one at close quarters while on veld-school. It is a surprisingly big animal. I remember being very surprised as it trotted past me in the grounds one night.

Mother's Day

Today has been splendid so far. The pain is infinitesimally better than it was yesterday, so it’s still improving. Yes! Tomorrow is my chiropractic appointment, and I think that should sort it out even more.

I got up at 6:15 this morning to catch a lift with Michael (on his way to the golf-course, of course) to my parents house so I could spend the morning with my mom on mother’s day. I haven’t seen much of her lately, so it was really great. We spent the whole time chatting, and the time just flew past. I had the most divine fruit salad there, too.

For lunch, I had dried figs and raisins. A bit too much, actually1 I certainly never meant it to be my lunch, but when I saw again, the packet was empty. This is not such a good idea, as dried fruit is very rich in concentrated fruit sugars, and the idea is just to have a little bit. Oh, well.

Michael and his dad have gone cycling, and when he gets back, we will go to visit our other mother :-)

Apparently we can look forward to a really cold week. Oh, no!

One of my friends celebrated her birthday today, as well as her first Mother’s Day since becoming a mom. How special is that? I haven’t spoken to her for a while, so it was nice hearing her voice when I phoned to wish her a happy day.

I hope our maid comes this week. She couldn’t make it last week, and you can tell, lol.

Still feeling very focused on my diet. This week I have to start with my one-day water-fast (per week). I have a lot of faith in this program. I really do think it’s the way forward for me. And one day a week is very manageable.
LOL. Michael says we saved a lot of money while I was on my juice fast. Not just from my side, but because he’s not having fizzy drinks and chocolates. That is just a nice bonus, isn’t it?

Good morniing sunshine.

I feel so psyched for life this morning. Isn't it just great waking up feeling like this?

Pain is ever so slightly subdued. I'll get the better of it yet.

Had some delicious grapes for breakfast. And later there's a papino and some dates that have my name on them.

My Kalahari book order is finally at the post office. I'll either get it today or Monday. Yay!

I plan to spend some significant time in the sun and outdoors today. I spend way too much time in the house during the week. I also want to start working on my deepbreathing exercises. It's so much fun to buy the books that explain how to do these things, but a bit harder to actually get yourself to do them. Nevertheless, no time like the present. Let's face it, I do have the time, lol.

I also have to make work on those positive affirmations of mine. I've been slipping there.

I have the most beautiful CD that I am listening to at the moment: Classical Music for Meditation. It's so lovely, I could listen to it all day.

The 3rd season of the British: Strictly Come Dancing starts this evening. That should be interesting. I do love watching ballroom dancing. That's what M doesn't understand. I also like watching sport, it's just very different to his kind of sport, lol. (BTW ballroom dancing is an official sport). I can't wait for when I can start dancing again.

I feel more and more focused on my healthy eating plan. The desire for fast-food and snacks is slipping away. I'm craving things like dates, macadamia nuts, raisins and all kinds of fruits. I had a carrot yesterday that tasted like some real special gourmet treat. That is probably one of the most marvelous effects of a fast, how it makes you crave healthier food.

Food never tasted this good!

Today was quite nice indeed. I didn’t eat all that much, I guess my stomach has shrunk a bit. But what I did eat was so delicious! I had apples for breakfast (4), apples for lunch (5) and for supper I had a nice, ripe avo, 5 cherry tomatoes and a carrot, sprinkled with onion flakes, sesame seeds and lemon juice. That was truly divine. I can’t believe how very much I enjoyed such simple fare.

I left the house for the first time since Tuesday’s doctor visit to go to the mini-supermarket with Michael to procure some yummy goodies. Most notably, a papino, which I have been lusting for. I got a lovely specimen. Also, the aforementioned avo, tomatoes, a pineapple, honeydew melon (my favourite) and a bunch of grapes for breakfast tomorrow. I did enjoy my little foraging trip. I’m walking very gingerly on account of my hips, etc, but I have such a lot for stability than I’ve had for quite some time. It was very enjoyable.

I saw a girl there that I used to work with. Can’t believe how much she has changed. She waved me over (I hadn’t seen her) and spoke so pleasantly to me, She used to be very annoying and downright unpleasant sometimes. Also not that good-looking. Now she looks beautiful! She has matured so much, and become charming. Can’t believe that a person can change that much. I wonder what she thought of me? Of course, I didn’t bother changing out of my tracksuit, which would have necessitated a trip upstairs. How true it is that if you venture out looking a bit skuzzy you can be sure to run into someone you know!

We got home, ate in front of the tv, and then Michael spoke to my BIL, Tommie on the phone. They chatted about golf for a while, and when M hung up, he said he was going to pop over to their house quick. He left, and was back in record time, bearing two packets of DATES in his hands. Bless Melany and Tommie. This meant so much to me, that they had thought of getting that for me, knowing that I had broken my fast. I can’t wait until tomorrow morning for those dates. Thanks guys!

The pain wasn’t too bad today. Dare I say it? I think it might finally be getting better. I still plan to go to my follow-up appointment at the chiropractor’s on Monday, though, regardless. My regular guy will be back then.
Funny how my diet just reset itself back to my old, healthy patterns. Even now that I’m off the juice fast, I have no desire too cram junk down my throat as fast as I can, which is a relief. I plan to stick to a good program of nutritious, raw foods for a month.

Days 20-23

Day 20

Wow, three weeks are nearly up. I can’t believe how fast the time has passed. For once, time is working for me. I normally don’t like the speed at which time passes, the way the year is running out. We’re already in May, can you believe it?! But with the fast, I don’t mind the time passing because it just brings me one step closer to my goal. Before you know it, two months will have passed. That is the maximum time that I will fast for. Hope I don’t look like someone from a concentration camp by then, though. But like they say: Drastic times call for drastic measures.

Michael did sleep out last night, at a larney guest-lodge in Jo’burg. I remember thinking to myself with my luck there would be a power blackout. I shouldn’t have even thought it. There was indeed a blackout. Only for an hour, fortunately, and the lights came back on just before Pricess Diaries started, so I was happy. Couldn’t find the candles, though, so I drew open the curtains, as it was a bright, moonlit night. That way, I could at least see to walk around. I phoned my mom-in-law to hear if there power was also off. On hearing that I didn’t have the candles close by, she suggested I use Michael’s bicycle’s headlight. It is a bright, fluorescent light, and I could have kicked myself. I sat there in the dark with a powerful light not much further than arm’s length away from me. Shortly after that, the lights came back on.

I got an appointment for the stand-in chiropractor tomorrow morning at twenty to ten. Although I’m feeling a bit nervous, as he’s not my regular guy, I’m very excited at not being in pain anymore. It’s really been too long.

I had a lovely, restful day. Really very peaceful. It’s so nice, because even though I’m not doing much, I feel as though I’m being constructive just by being on the fast. Quite a nice feeling actually. I did spend quite a bit of time fantasizing about food, though, lol.

I’ve Never…

I’ve never taken recreational drugs.
I’ve never tried smoking cigarettes.
(Never saw the need).
I’ve never been overseas.
I’ve never been pregnant.
I’ve never been to varsity.
I’ve never wished I were someone else.
I’ve never given up without a fight.
I’ve never lived alone.
I’ve never regretted marrying Michael.
I’ve never regretted getting married young (21).
I’ve never had my belly-button pierced or gotten a tattoo.
I’ve never not known what I wanted to do with my life. I’ve just had a couple of stumbling blocks along the way.
I’ve never won anything in a luck-generated competition. I did win the relationship-lottery, though :-)
I never knew that there could be such closeness, friendship and passion in a marriage.
I never knew that in the same marriage, you can drive each other up the walls, lol.
I’ve never stopped believing that I can overcome this disease.
I’ve never believed that the Lord meant me to lead a small and sick life.


Day 21:

I seem to be undergoing some mental changes on the fast. I feel very contemplative, about my life and in general. I could happily just sit in the company of my own thoughts all day. Which is basically what I’ve been doing. Apart from watching BBC FOOD channel, lol. Michael thinks I am some kind of masochist.

I feel excited about my future. I can’t see myself going back to the company where I used to work, and do admin-type work. What I can see myself doing, is to complete a course that I have my eye on (correspondence) about Natural Hygiene, which is the lifestyle and way of eating that I believe in. I can see myself being a Nutritional Consultant, and helping people eat better. I like the idea of working out proper diets and eating plans for people to follow. I have been reading up on the subject for years and I really believe in the power of proper nutrition. But I look forward to getting a proper qualification for it.

I went to see the chiropractor today. Very young-looking guy. I didn’t realize he was the doctor. I thought he was a patient himself. In fact, he was walking awkwardly when he came into the waiting room to fetch me. (The reason for this was because there is a slight, uneven ramp by the door). Anyway, I thought, “That poor guy, let me not stare). Then he walked right over to me, introduced himself (by his first name) and asked me to come through to his consulting room.
His approach is slightly different to the one I’m used to, but he’s thorough, and seems to know his stuff. He ruled out that the pain in my hip might be from a very aggressive disease caused by the cortisone. I am so, so relieved about that, as it has been playing on my mind a lot.
He was manipulating my leg to see where it hurt in preparation for jerking it back into place. I gave a little squawk that had not meant to be audible. “Did I hurt you,” he said, all concerned.
“Er…no, it’s just the anticipation,” I replied, with a nervous laugh.
I had a good laugh at myself when I got home about that.
My hip seemed to click in nicely and he gave me some exercises to do that will help the joint. All in all, a good experience. I’ll probably see my regular guy next Monday for a follow-up, though.


So far the pain is still very much present, but I know from experience that it will take a while to calm down.

I’m feeling really hungry tonight. Small wonder. It’s a whole 3 weeks since I last had solid food. Weight is hovering just under 50kg still, so looks like I’m good to go for another couple of weeks. I set the duration of my fast for somewhere between 4-8 weeks. Not < 4, not > 8. Man, but I’m looking forward to that first apple after I’ve broken the fast!

My mom remains very impressed at my ambulatory progress. She says that she hasn’t seen me walking this well in a long time.

Day 22:

Still feeling pretty hungry this morning. The pain is quite bad. I can feel that I had work done on my hips yesterday. I think I’d better go downstairs and make myself some pineapple juice. I’m feeling a bit weak.

I’ve made a bit of a connection about these weekly bouts of weakness and hunger. It is when I drink the bottled prune-juice. Apart from being cooked, and perhaps because of it, it contains very concentrated sugars. I think this interferes with my blood-sugar levels, hence the weakness. Well, that’s the last time I do that.

Annie phoned me today, a bit tearful. She’s going through a bit of a rough time. I wish I could drive through to Jo’burg to go and put my arms around her.

I used to be under the false impression that other people, who have their health, more or less, are happier than I am. I look around me and I see this isn’t so. Considering what I have to put up with, and even notwithstanding, I am one of the happiest people I know. Many people just are not happy with their lives. They do nothing but complain about them, making no attempt to fix what is wrong. I guess this is the type of thing you see clearly in other people, and never pick up about yourself. Michael would probably disagree with me, as he has been subject to a fair amount of complaining from me this past while. But that may have something to do with the fact that I’ve been in severe pain, and can’t take pain-killers because I’m on a fast. I should really have gone to the chiropractor’s ages ago.

I caught an excellent movie on tv this afternoon, Before Sunset, with Ethan Hawke. It is exactly the kind of low-key movie that I enjoy. No action or special-effects, just sharp dialogue, good acting and a lovely story. Quite charming.
It goes about a couple that have one passionate encounter while on vacation in Europe, and then lose touch with each other accidentally. They meet up nine years later, to discover that although they have changed, along with their circumstances, they still have feelings for each other.
The whole movie plays off in Paris, with really nice background footage, and in scene after scene, all you see is the couple talking to each other, picking up exactly where they left off. I really enjoyed it.

The pain has been bad all day, but as I recall, it is always the day after a visit to the chiro that is the worst. So hopefully tomorrow will be a bit better.

Day 23:

Today was an average fasting day, except for one thing: I BROKE MY FAST! And believe me, I’m as surprised as anybody. It was as a result of a couple of things. Firstly, I was feeling irritated by the singing coming from next door. I’ve really had an overdose of that woman’s voice – the WHOLE afternoon. But I don’t think that was quite the reason, lol. I read one of my fasting books, and the doctor that wrote it isn’t that impressed with juice-fasting versus water-fasting. He gave some very valid reasons, too. I’ve always thought that water fasting was superior, even though markedly less comfortable to actually do. I am very pleased with my juice-fast, but I don’t want to deplete my reserves too much, as I still plan on following a water-fasting program in the not-too-distant future.
But that still wasn’t the whole reason. The other is that I’m so tired of making juice with aching hips. I’ve really had it with the pain, and trying to fast at the same time. At this stage, I don’t even need comfort food. Any food will do! Ha ha. I’ll do another fast when my hip and back pain is GONE, thank you very much.
Speaking of which, the pain is marginally better today. At least it seems to be moving in the right direction since my chiropractor visit.
It was quite surreal, breaking the fast. I wasn’t feeling particularly hungry or anything. I just felt ready to break it. Those first few apples that I had were really gourmet-class yum! I’ve had 7 apples since breaking the fast. Doesn’t seem to be any problems so far. Tomorrow I’m hoping to get hold of a ripe avo. Can’t wait. Wonder if Woolworths has any dates I stock?

All in all, a very good experience. I’m very satisfied with my 22,5 day juice-fast.
Oh, and I lost about 3-4 kg. Nothing too drastic. Unfortunately I can’t post my ‘after’ photo, as we are still waiting for our new camera.

Thank you for all the positive and helpful comments, and sharing this experience with me.

Day 19. Reflections on why's and wherefore's.

Day 19 is going super so far. Michael made me orange and grapefruit juice in bed - how spoiled am I? It's so great that he is supporting me in this. He says that he's proud of me for doing it, and helps me a lot with the practicalities of juicing. This is of inestimable value. All the fasting books say not to surround yourself with people who don't understand, and give negative (albeit concerned) criticism the whole time. But Michael is an intelligent and sensitive soul. He knows this is my best bet. He's against me doing a water-fast again though, lol. I think I may have traumatised him and my mom during my last water-fast. I got very weak and feeble, ha ha, but I try to explain to them that it was because I was already in the throes of as MS relapse. It's been well noted to myself, however: DON"T FAST DURING A RELAPSE< DAMMIT! It really makes things worse.

At twelve, my mom and Taryn (the fabulous niece and goddaughter of mois) will be coming to visit. I am really looking forward to that. Michael might be sleeping over in Joburg for work purposes tonight. (He'll be attending a meeting tomorrow morning). However, he is currently playing club championships at the golf-course, and I don't know if he'll be finished in time to go. It's not absolutely necessary for him to attend, so he may end up not going. If he does, though, I'll be happy enough on my own. The Princess Diaries 2 is showing tonight, and I've really been looking forward to that. Also, the repeat of The Butterfly Effect, so I can finally watch the ending.

Something I've been meaning to address:

My reasons for going on the juice fast:

I have been inching my way up the scale of disability (in the wrong direction!) I am currently between 5.5 and 6 on this scale. My concern is that there has been a major decline since a year ago. A year ago, I could still walk relatively normally. I went shopping, without aid. Went to the hypermarket and mall if I felt like it. Michael and I went on trips, we visited more with friends and I even still did my own housework (I use that phrase in it's loosest form, lol). I had no problem doing the washing, hanging it up, etc. I did a lot more cooking than I do now, had dinner parties etc. That has all changed. Any of the above has become a major effort, and needs a lot of planning. Some of the things I just plain can't do anymore.

Fortunately, I am able to walk again. At one stage, this was only a dream. I am so grateful for this, but it is a place to which I do not wish to return.
Now, MS is considered incurable in the medical profession. The best treatment available is the beta inteferon drugs, which did not work for me. Also, the cortisone treatment which does help to stop my relapses has become way too frequent. The long-term side-effects are frightening, especially some things that I found out recently which I don't even want to discuss. So, basically, prognosis is not looking that great. A lot of PwMS are in a wheelchair after ten years of having the disease.

Bring in the juice-fasting.
Fasting is not a magic cure. But what it does do is to give the body a rest, so that the true miracle can happen. Yousee, our bodies are designed to heal themselves. But with the way that most of us (myself, certainly) eat, so much of the bodily energy is diverted to try and digest the large and indigestible meals we are continuously eating, that the body never gets a chance to 'clean-house'.
After three days of fasting, the digestive process shuts down, and suddenly all that available energy gets to work on cleaning up the mess one has made of one's body. After the stored resources of the body have been digested, the body starts on Autolysis mode, where it begins to self-digest. This sounds scary, but in truth the body is very discriminate in this, and starts with cells that are diseased, dead or damaged. Isn't that clever. Herein lies the basis of fasting effect. The diseased parts are digested and toxins are released into the blood-stream to be eliminated. This is why one generally doesn't feel too good on a water fast, especially, as all those toxins are being released.

I realise now, in retrospect, that I was very naive to think that my ten-day water fast that I did some years ago, would cure me. I was so disappointed that I had to have cortisone again. The fast did help to reverse some disability, but it never cured me. Now I understand that it is a long process and a lifestyle. A ten-day fast is not going to reverse a whole lifetime of abuse to one's body.
My favourite new referance article abouot fasting suggests that it will probably take three months of (water) fasting to get rid of a chronic illness. Not continuous fasting, but a series of fasts inbetween which very nutricious and healthy food is eaten. I see it now as a year, or two-year long process. There is no quick cure.

So after I have finished my juice-fast, I will continue to eat very healthy, mostly raw foods and to continue with periodic fasts until I have sorted myself out for good.

Goals for the juice fast, what I hope to achieve:

• My first and foremost goal is to arrest the disease. I need to stop it's activity in my body.
• I will still make use of the IV cortisone where neccessary until this is achieved, to prevent further disability.
• My next goal would be to reverse disability that has already occurred, which I fully believe is possible.
• I see myself making a full recovery and going on to lead a completely normal life. I believe this is important to believe in, because one has to have something to believe in, right, and why not reach for the stars.

On a last note, I'm really psyched to go see the (stand-in) chiropractor this week. You know why!

Oh, and we heard back from the insurance, and might be getting our new camera this week. We might belatedly try and have it fixed, though, as this might be a better option. Our cammie is insured for R4500, and as the rand is much stronger than it was, you can get a camera for the same specifications as ours for a much cheaper price. So the insurance wants to palm off a cheaper camera (albeit with the same specs) on us, than the amount that we are insured for, which I think is unfair. We have, after all, been paying high premiums because of the high value of the camera. That is nonsense. So we're going to look into having it fixed and cancelling the claim, as it would mean losing our 'no-claim' bonus next year, of about R3000.

Day 18 of my juice fast

The pain is feeling a bit better this morning, but I’m nt getting too excited, as it usually feels better in the morning, and accelerates during the course of the day. Oh, I’m counting the days (or ‘sleeps’ as the kids say) till I can go see that chiropractor!

There are two things that I need to change regarding my juice fast today. The one is that I need to start wearing my rubber gloves when I wash the (many) juice ‘dishes, i.e. the juicing machine etc. My hands are getting so dry and chapped from the constant washing.
The 2nd thing, is that I need to start having smaller portions of juice at a time. The whole idea is to give your digestive system a rest, but I’m overloading it by having too whopping a glass at a time. 8oz is the recommended amount. I’ll have to check, but if memory serves, that is around 300ml, or just under. (I’m a metric girl, born and bred. What can I say?)
My reasoning was that if I have large amounts, then I have to actually go to the trouble of making the juice less. I can’t make juice more than 5 times a day, it’s like a full-time job already! But to solve that, I’m going to make the same amount, but refrigerate half for later. This is not ideal, because after ten minutes, max, valuable enzymes are lost, but I think it’s better than overloading a resting system.

I watched a good movie yesterday, The Butterfly Effect. I have a new respect for Ashton Kutcher, who was being ridiculously typecast after his role in That 70’s Show. He played his role well here. It’s not my usual type of movie, but I was intrigued. It’s about this guy who had blackouts as a childhood. On reaching adulthood, he starts remembering details of his blackouts, and subsequently discovers how to go back in time to these events, and change them. But the more he goes back, the more he affects the future, and not necessarily in a good way. Unfortunately, the tape ran out at the end, so I’ll have to wait until Sunday to catch the ending. Thank goodness it’s repeating.

I weighed myself this morning, just in my undies, and I now weigh just under 50kg’s. I’m starting to look a little skinny, but I guess that’s the price I have to pay for now. I’m still nowhere near as painfully thin as I was a few years back, just after being diagnosed with ms. My weight went down to abut 45-46kg, and that was during a time when I was eating large amounts of food, including a lot of carbs. In fact, my weight only (conversely) returned to normal after my ten-day water fast. This is the weight regulating power of a fast.
But I must admit, much as I dislike the weight-loss (I think it takes me back to memories I’d rather forget), I do enjoy no longer having the piglet roll of fat around my middle. I’ll really have to guard against that when I start eating again. Pilates, here I come.

I’ve read that during a fast, one might experience pain at the sites of old injuries as they heal. I don’t know if this is connected at all, but the night before last, I had some mild tooth pain, right where I had the periodontal surgery last year. It was gone the following morning. Coincidence?

I was thinking this morning, that if I have adjusted well to the circumstances of this illness, then Michael has done so ten-fold. He handles everything like such a star, which I think only the minority of spouses in this situation can do. In fact, I read the other day that ms has the highest suicide and divorce rate of any disease. Don’t know how true this is, but I do know that a lot of people with ms that I’ve spoken to on the net, have been abandoned by their spouses.
But I digress…what I’m trying to say is that I’m so proud of Michael. I think that we have both grown such a lot on this journey of ours.I realize now that loving someone is different from being ‘in love’ with them. I’m still in love with Michael, very much so. But I truly love him on a very different level. I’m so glad that we found each other.

Pain, pain, go away...

I’ve been in quite severe pain with my back since last night. I’m at the end of my tether. This is a bit of a family joke, because I like to say that I’m at the end of my tether. But what does on e do when you’re at the end of your tether? You still have to carry on, same as always.

I phoned this morning to make an appointment with my chiropractor, but he’s away till the fifteenth. That’s ten days away! How am I going to make it? I took it ultra easy today, didn’t go anywhere or do anything, and it’s still aching. There is someone another chiro standing in for him, which I automatically declined, but I am reconsidering. I need to get this sorted out.

The juice-fast, by comparison, is a walk in the park. Day 17 went by very well. Michael, the sweetheart, came home with some Eastern Cape pineapples for me. I think the name is cayenne pines, and they are much bigger than queen pineapples, and much juicier, too. Just what the doctor ordered for a juice fast.

Never thought I’d say it, but I actually looked forward to my spinach and cucumber juice today. I put in 3 tomatoes, my usual clove of garlic and half of a big, juice Woolworths lemon. It was really nice, like a tomato cocktail.

I’ve been thinking about food a lot today, and what I’ll be eating when I come off the fast. As usual, (when on a fast) what appeals the most is a nice, ripe avocado pear. Normally, I’m not too much of an avo fan, but after a fast I’d kill for one. Must be the fat content or something. Can’t wait. Also fantasizing about bananas and dates.
Michael went to babysit Quintus tonight. I hear his car coming in now. Poor little Jason has to have grommets put in his ears tonight, under anesthetic. I hope the procedure goes well. I think M and Q will have a good time, though. They are going to get take-aways and play games on Q’s new playstation. It is nice that they will be able to spend the evening together with no-one else around. They have such a special bond, those two.

Day 16

Not much to report about day 16. Felt a bit weak this morning, but after my juice I was fine again.

It’s funny, but like anything else, this has become a habit, after doing it for 16 days. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel like eating, but it doesn’t bug me that much. I mean, today when Michael had our favourite pizza, it smelt damn good, but I wasn’t unhappy about the fact that I couldn’t eat it.

Today was my godson, Quintus’ 6th birthday. Can’t believe what a little man he s already. It was so nice to see him with his peers. He was really ‘one of the lads’. His mom threw him a really lovely party, and they had the most unbelievable cake made. It was just fantastic.

I’m feeling very unhappy about the fact that the doctors have been giving me such high (and necessary) doses of cortisone. What do they care? It isn’t their bodies suffering from the side-effects. This last gram that I took worked just as well, if not better, than the full 5g course they normally give me. It was my own initiative to try a lower dose, otherwise they’d still be pumping me full of the stuff. I think it’s verging on medical malpractice. Still, at least I know now.

I watched the Weakest Link today. I love that show. I love Trivial Pursuit type game-shows, but I also really like the byplay between the host and contestants in this particular show. I think Fiona is so witty, and must be very intelligent, the way she thinks on her feet. Apart from the show, she’s also a playwright, and her work is highly acclaimed.
I would love to be a contestant on the show. The only thing that worries me is how cool will it look to do ‘the walk of shame’ with an orthopedic walking aid, lol.

Still toying with the idea of including a mini water-fast in my juice fast. I think I’d quite like a day or two of rest, where I don’t have to make juice five million times ;-) Plus, it will speed up the whole detox process.

I phoned the insurance company today and set the ball in motion for us to get our new camera. They are going to have it evaluated to see if it can be fixed. If not, they’ll replace it, otherwise they’ll pay to have it repaired. So either way, we should have a functioning camera soon. Yay!
The weight is coming off very gradually, but I’d like to take another photo to compare it to my first one.

Day 15

Despite the miserable weather outside, I feel happy and loved. And warm inside and cosseted. The luckiest girl in the world!

I didn’t sleep much last night, as my knees were too sore. When Michael’s alarm went off at 5:30, I was already awake. We had such a lovely time, talking in bed before he got up. He said he has respect for me, because he only had back-pain for a few days, and only has to exclude three items in his diet. I appreciated hearing this. He is so supportive to me when I need it most. He also said that he’s found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and it’s called Maggie. That really warmed the cockles of my heart. And I thought we were going to be dealing with coffee withdrawal symptoms! He did say that it’s harder than he thought it would, though (not drinking coffee) He was drinking up to four or five large mugs a day. I suggested he buy some Milo, as it is winter and it’s nice to have something hot to drink. I love Milo, anyway. I don’t think it’s a punishment by any stretch of the imagination.

Day fifteen is going pretty well so far. I’m tempted to throw in a coupla days water fasting here and there, to speed up the healing process. Detoxification is markedly speedier on a water fast. Unfortunately, the side-effects are a bit heavy, too. No pain, no gain, I guess. If it was easy, everyone would water fast. I’m not looking forward to that ‘blah’ feeling, I must say. Maybe I’ll just stick to the juice. It seems to be working pretty well.

Juice-fasting seems to be a pore-minimizer J Who knew?

I wish my book order would hurry up and come. Fortunately, it’s LOST tonight. Did I mention I’m totally into it again? I’m giving SURVIVOR a miss this season. I find it too much to watch more than one season a year. But I think I will give DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES a try tomorrow and see what all the fuss is about. BTW, I’m sticking to my no-daytime-tv rule, even with the DStv. Not that it’s an effort. I’m not too much of a television junkie. Give me a book any day.

I found such nice recipes in YOU magazine. I think I must start making myself a recipe book. I can’t wait till I’m off my fast to try and make them. The one is a sort of ginger cake, with caramel icing. I love ginger. Then there’s a nice recipe for chocolate brownies, which I’ve always wanted to try and make. And there’s also a recipe for biscotti. I’ve never had biscotti, but I’m intrigued.

The dirty washing situation here is reaching epidemic proportions. The weather is so nasty outside. I’ve told Michael to stop by Mr Price and buy himself another jean (they’re on special for R79) to tide him over. He does need one, though. He only has about four or so long pants, some of which are nearing the end of their productive lifespan.

My dad bought me a very realistic stuffed rotweiller at the Rand Show. It has the softest fur. He said I don’t need to feed it, just to give it a bit of love. Ha ha. I actually find myself stroking it while I’m watching tv. I had hardly any stuffed toys when I was a kid. I was a bit of a tomboy, not one of those little girls who slept with an army of soft toys on her bed. But since reaching adulthood, everyone seems to have this need to buy me stuffed animals. I don’t know why. Maybe I just have that kind of face, lol. Still, I can’t help enjoying them. They’re so cute.

Dolly Parton next door started singing before 8:30 this morning. Loudly. She has an amplifier. And quite a limited repertoire. I’m not a big fan of country music, or any other music, at that time of the morning, especially when I haven’t slept the night before. I think it’s time to bring out my harmonica again, lol. That should cramp her style.

Day 14 - two weeks!

Today was a good day. Weather-wise, it’s been a windy, wet and miserable day, but for me personally, it rocked. I’ve hacked it for two weeks on this juice fast, and I feel so relaxed and happy. I only hope the next two weeks pass as smoothly.

We got our first DStv guide today. And what a surprise was awaiting me!
There is this movie that I remember from my childhood, called Lili. It’s an Oscar-winning musical, filmed in 1953, starring the gorgeous Leslie Caron, and based on a book by Paul Gallico. I have been searching for it for years, since I can remember. See, I never saw the ending. I must have been about eight or so, and the movie left a very lasting impression on me. I can even still remember the songs in it, even though I only saw it the once.
About a year ago, I ordered the DVD online (Ebay). I paid for it (R90) but never received it, even after entering into a long and annoying correspondence with the seller, a real ‘fly by night’. The disappointment was immense.
So I joked to Michael that the one reason I would like to get dish was in case Lili showed on the TCM channel.
So, bearing in mind that this is our first month with satellite, imagine my immense joy when I opened the tv guide, ran and eye down the A-Z movie list, and saw that Lili will be showing on the 28th of May. I could hardly contain myself! How will I be able to wait until then?

Dolly Parton next door is starting to get on my nerves. She accosted me outside our flat the other day and asked if I mind her singing in the afternoons. I was gagging form the cigarette smoke she was blowing into my face. Some people. But being the wimp that I am, I said no, I don’t mind, lol.

The pain in my hips is more manageable these past few days. However, Michael’s back is also sore, and he is starting to panic about it, because he has golf club championships coming up this week, as well as a grueling cycle race next month that he has to train for. So he wants to go see the chiropractor. I think I better tag along and go, too. Maybe he’ll give us a special ‘two for the price of one’ deal, as Mel says.

I discovered something very valuable today. I have been battling to strain my juices properly. The juices must be strained, because if the pulp is left in, the stomach recognizes it as food, and it kick-starts the digestion process. I got a little tea-strainer, but then saw that it has a mesh made of Aluminium, which is my kryptonite, ha ha. I have a little plastic strainer, but it lets some of the pulp through. So yesterday, I had a total brainwave. I could use one of the tiers of my sprouting table, which is designed to allow water to drip through to the bottom layer. I tried it out today, and it works like an absolute bomb! And it was lying there all along in my drawer while I was battling, lol.

I got a lovely surprise today. Downloaded e-mail and received one from my good friend Laura, depicting pictures of her little boy, who is the most gorgeous child ever! It gives me a lot of hope, as Laura also has ms, and since falling pregnant has never looked back. Little Hayden is as healthy as can be. I’m so happy for her.

Day 13

Last night’s post may have been a bit weird, but that’s me all over again past midnight. What can I say?

I feel brilliant today. I’m so glad I didn’t bomb out and break my fast last night. I felt ever so slightly light-headed this morning when I got up, but nothing to write home about. My energy levels are good again, and even the sore hips haven’t been too bad today. Life is good.

My weight today is 53kg (with takkies and a jacket on).

My 13th day has really gone so well. It’s really a good rule of thumb that if you feel like breaking your diet, in this case a juice diet, give it a day or two and see if you still feel the same. Chances are you may feel like continuing. I feel all fired up today, and ready for another two weeks. I’m really pleased with myself that I didn’t fold over the first hurdle.

The thing is, two weeks on a juice fast will have undeniably beneficial results. I feel pretty good. BUT in my case it will not be enough. For a serious health complication or chronic illness, a longer fast is required. I’m really tired of having to take cortisone all the time and worrying about the long-term side-effects. The way I see it, this is my best bet and I intend to follow it through.

Another thing is that it occurred to me today that as long as I have periods where my walking is awkward, this recurring problem with my hips will persist. In fact, if I don’t make a plan, and soon, I may sit with sore hips for the rest of my life. And that I can do without, thank you very much.

My sis-in-law, Jannette, told me today that she thinks it’s brave of me to be on this juice-fast. My answer to her was that this is not brave. To NOT be on the fast, now that would be brave. No person who does not have ms, knows how truly scary it can be. A juice fast is really a walk in the park by comparison.

We went to our local Fish Aways restaurant today for Michael. Unlike yesterday, the smell of food didn’t bother me in the slightest. In fact, I enjoyed it. Mel and family also came to eat there (by chance) and it was good seeing them.

I had my ‘green’ juice this morning. Spinach, cabbage, cucumber and coriander. I used to really battle to get these down, but my latest trick is to add a tomato, half a lemon and a clove of garlic, which does improve the taste a LOT. Unfortunately, though, I reeked quite a lot of garlic. Michael says his eyes were watering in the car, lol.

M and I went to visit my parents today. We had a good time there, and my parents were both very impressed by the improvement in my walking. My mom told me that she hasn’t seen me walking that well for a very long time.

On the way back, Michael wanted a Wimpy coffee. Now, today is the first day of his ‘no coffee/ fizzy drinks/ chocolate’ month according to the bet which he lost. So I said no. But I did say that we could stop for a MILO. We did that, and he had it at home with a slice of banana-bread, so don’t feel too sorry for him.
For the amount of coffee that he was drinking, I think we can soon expect some withdrawal symptoms. Oh goody. Not.

Tonight is Boston Legal. I do like that show. Alan Shore just cracks me up.
I’m so hoping that my book order comes this week. It is very late, as the supplier was out of stock for one of the books. I really can’t wait!