Life...

How does life go from being absoluetly sh*tty one moment, to idyllic and dreamy the next?

My faith in life and fortune and the universe has been restored. There is a reason that such cliched idioms as 'it is darkest before the dawn' exist. Because they are true! I will try and remember this in future. That no matter how dark the hour is, there is just no telling how splendid the dawn may be.

My hip was back in place for a blissful five minutes or so, but now it's feeling sore again. Oh well...

Today was really marvellous. We didn't do much, but what we did do was just so nice.

• We slept really late this morning, and cuddled and chatted.
• We watched tv together.
• We went shopping together.
• I saw a friend I haven't seen in ages. She gave me such a nice hug.
• We went to visit Mel, Tom & kids, and had a lovely time.
• We bought take-aways for lunch.
• Michael watched rugby and I read book, side by side, most companionably.
• We went shopping again, and bought cheesy buns, a chocolate and ingredients for muffins.
• I made carrot-cake muffins while Michael watched F1 racing.
• We watched a cute movie and ate the muffins.
• We watched a sitcom and laughed ourselves silly.
• We spent the whole day together, being lazy and in love. It was just great.

Tomorrow, we plan to go visiting my parents and Annie, who arrived in town this afternoon. I am seriously looking forward to that.

I got Marian Keyes' new book, "Anybody Out There?" in the post yesterday. It's such a nice feeling, having a new book of my favourite author lying unopened next to my bed. I think I'll go start on it...

Bloggipoo

Annie’s concert was a resounding and raving success. She sounded so happy and fulfilled when I phoned her last night. She got a huge bouquet of flowers from the children, up on stage, and a hug from the headmaster. Not that any of us, apart from Annie, are actually surprised. We knew she’d do well. I’m only sorry I wasn’t there to see it.
Got wait for her to get here, the weekend. We’re gonna have such a great time.

Michael and I are thinking seriously of moving house. The new neighbours that have moved in are seriously lacking in class. They had a raucous fight, and played their music at an alarming decibel level last night. Nearly one am, to be precise. We’re getting just a little tired of living in such close proximity to other people. Michael, in particular, is very offended at the guy next door who farts in his bath every morning, in a manner that is extremely audible to us, lol.
We’re not such if we want to make the leap of buying a place of our own, or just find another place to rent. Whichever we decide on, it will be blissfully idyllic for me to live in a ground=floor place. These stairs are killing what’s left of my hips.
Hip status: ACHING. My gluts (a.k.a. my butt muscles) are killing me, too. I’m starting to lose faith in chiropractics. Then again, I do remember some comment along the lines of it taking up to 8 sessions to get the little devil back in. So far, I’ve been for 5 or 6 sessions. So there’s hope, right? Even if time is running out.

Nice day.

It’s great to be back in the land of the living, officially. Sorry if I sound a tad like a Drama Queen but that’s what it feels like.

I actually went out a bit today which was nice, as the cabin fever was starting to rear it’s head. First I went to the chiropractor. Let me just add that it’s bad when the a trip to the chiro becomes part of your social calendar, ha ha. That went well, anyway. I’m only in mild pain after that session, which by now, I take as a definite bonus. Tomorrow I should be feeling it a bit more, something to do with having had the pressure points worked on, blah, blah… Moral of story: there is finally appearing a light at the end of the bloody tunnel.

After that, my mom, gran and I went and ate breakfast at the coziest little restaurant. We each had had a bowl of the most divine vegetable soup and toast. I loved spending some time with my granny. 83 she is, and plenty of spunk. It’s good to know I have those genes. Having said that, I couldn’t keep up with her in town, and she had a hip-replacement op in December. It takes a lot to slow her down, obviously.

Then went back home. Michael has a nasty bout of flu. We went to visit his family for lunch, which I really enjoyed. I did miss them. It was especially nice to see Melany, who is a very convenient package of friend and sister. Baby Zander gave me the most beautiful smile that melted my heart. Mel’s kids are big on charm.
I joked that I’ll probably end up getting Michael’s flu, too, and added that I’ve made peace with my health, or rather, lack of it. Quintus got my attention, and said, Aunty Maggie, maybe, maybe NOT. He has such a wise little soul. So I basically got told by a six year old not to expect the worst. That is powerful.

I went with Michael to see the doctor in the afternoon, to get him booked off work and some medicine. We really like our new doctor now. I feel quite bad at how I bad-mouthed him previously (right here on my blog). Now I think he’s a sweetie. Michael and I declared him to be our family doctor. We’ve actually never had a family doctor before, so we’re quite chuffed about it. He said I made his day when I came walking in there without my walker. He really is a decent guy.

Also, I totally LOVE my distiller. I thought for a coupla days that I’d made a HUGE mistake in buying it, as I didn’t like the taste. But as Michael pointed out, it was probably just that the element was still new, and needed to get worn in a bit. Now I have bottles of distilled water all over the house for us. I’m having quite a great time with the whole thing. I’ve learnt how to operate it, clean the residue and change the filter. I actually love machinery and gadgets.

So life is good again. I’ll try to bear that in mind next I have to take the cortisone and feel like the end of the world is nigh, lol.
Meanwhile, Annie is coming for a two-week holiday during the school-holidays. She’ll be here on Saturday and I cannot WAIT. So much to talk about. Tomorrow is the music concert that she has worked so hard at arranging. I hope it goes well for her.

Out of the woods

I’m feeling almost completely back to my old self. Thank heavens the skanky dark cloud has lifted! Man, I do not want to re-live the past couple of days. I’ll deal with that thought in a month or two, though. For now, I’m just glad to be alive. And walking about, as an added bonus.

I must be feeling alright, because I’m finding myself absolutely hilarious again.

For a change, my back isn’t killing me. Don’t get me wrong, it (the pain) is still loitering in the vicinity. But it’s obviously not paying full attention. I will, however, be keeping the appointment I made at the chiropractor’s tomorrow. I reckon I could do with a tune-up.

Due to feeling so crap this weekend, I missed out on seeing Michael’s brother and his family on their visit. I also didn’t get to see either of our dads for Father’s Day. The timing of my ms sucks, as usual.

Only two weeks till my newest niece’s arrival. Can’t wait to see little Riley Chantel.

And Christopher is thriving. He is just the sweetest little thing.

It’s just past ten pm and I’m feeling wide awake. Makes a welcome change from feeling completely knackered for the past 72 hours.
Phew. It’s so nice to not be feeling so spaced out anymore. It’s the scariest feeling.

CRASHED!

Yesterday I underwent a spectacular cortisone crash, and it's still going strong today. The plumpness of my face had nothing to do with weight-gain. It was only cortisone-induced swelling. I'm currently the proud owner of a flushed moonface.
I'm feeling truly awful. Nosebleeds, sickening optic neuritis pains when I move my eye-balls, depression (!) sacro-illiac pain (the beast is back, just in time to join the party). And the list goes on... my body feels bruised, did I get beat up and not remember it?

I swaer that the small dose of cortisone affects me worse than the full five day course. Flasgback to two months ago, where I said I couldn't possibly go through this every month. No way.

Sure could use a little good news today...

First off, let me just say thank you so sincerely for the supportive comments on my last post. That really warmed the cockles of my heart. I think I need to print them out and paste them up somewhere where I can see and read them when I’m feeling low.

I spent the night in hospital last night. It would have been Tuesday, but all the hospitals in town were chock and block full. Everyone has pneumonia or bronchitis, that’s all I heard last night – cough, cough, cough. Thankfully, I was in a ward with only two beds in, and the other occupant was a frail old lady. I literally never heard a peep out of her. I felt very sorry for her, as she is in a near catatonic state, and I don’t think some of the staff were treating her 100% right.
My stay, as far as hospitals go, wasn’t bad at all. The ward had an en-suite bathroom, which made things a lot easier on me. The insertion of the drip was not too bad, either. At least I have perky veins. That’s one thing to be grateful for.

Ms-wise, I’m already feeling better. I’m not exacerbating from eating anymore, or bathing/ sun-bathing/ walking more than ten steps, which is pretty nice. Also, an alarming new symptom has disappeared. I had one or two scary moments yesterday where I couldn’t swallow (food). The muscles just didn’t want to co-operate, and I nearly choked. Thankfully, the cortisone puts a fast stop to such carry-on, if I react quick enough. So basically, it would appear that I need the one gram maintenance dose every two months. In fact, I may even be able to stretch it even further if I don’t stress about things which I cannot control or change, or revert to binge-eating on junk food.

I felt very low yesterday, which does happen from time to time, especially when I am experiencing a relapse. I just feel very despondent. It’s an indescribable feeling, having your body fall apart right in front of your eyes. However, I’ve got a grip on myself again now that I’m feeling a bit better.
I even have a project or two up my sleeve to focus on, as always. Firstly, I’m going to make myself fresh vegetable-juice every day. I can’t stress how much that helps. And I managed to grow my wheatgrass kit, which I will also be juicing. The stuff is pure magic.
The second part of my strategy, is to finally put into practice the mind-power and visualization techniques with which so many people have garnered a new lease on life, defeating terminal illness, no less.
It requires more than the odd five minutes I put in here and there, though. We’re talking two sessions of twenty minutes each per day, for a duration of six weeks, minimum. It doesn’t sound like much, but believe me, it takes some serious commitment. The mind is like a naughty child that needs to be disciplined. All it wants to do is lose focus, and wander aimlessly through the same old boring (and not necessarily helpful) thought-patterns. So yeah, I’m going to give it my very best shot. I’ve come up with some pretty neat visualizations for MS in particular lately. I think I might be onto something.

I’m feeling all right after the medicine, quite manically perky. And finding myself very funny. But tomorrow I’ll probably experience a bit of a cortisone-related ‘crash’. The adrenal system wakes up with a shock after the bumper load of cortisone, and suddenly has to produce the hormone by itself again. So I’ll probably feel a bit tired and depro tomorrow. Michael can be lucky he’s going to play golf tomorrow, lol.

My back-pain is still in the back-ground. Why wouldn’t it be, being a back, ha ha. (See, very funny, lol). Anyway, I just hope my delightful sacro-illiac joint didn’t pop out again during the (awkward-walking) relapse. Fortunately, it wasn’t prolonged, and I acted fast, so I think it stayed put. Next week, I’m going for a (hopefully last) trip to the chiro. Please let it be my swan-song there.

Thanks to the binge-eating following my five-day fast, I gained a rapid 8 kilograms (could even be 9) in one week. The body goes from thinking it’s starving, to being overfed, and grabbing every kilojoule it can lay its hands on. Not that I’m complaining. I like being 55kg, especially in the winter. Unfortunately, none of the weight went to my cleavage. My pot-belly merely reinstated itself. But that is from eating incorrect foods, so all I can do is demure gracefully to it, and say “Welcome back, Friend. May you sustain me on my next fast.” ;-)
My skin is as smooth as a little girl’s, though. So at least the fast wasn’t a total write-off. Also, I’ve very interested in how I recover from this relapse, so soon after a fast. Last time this happened, I experienced some very surprising and altogether welcome results. So hold thumbs for me.

Today, Michael and I have been together for six years. He asked me to be his girlfriend on 15 June 2000. Then, on 19 August of the same year, we got engaged, and on 10 February the following year, we were married. It was a real whirlwind courtship, and I enjoyed it a lot. A lot of the guests thought it was a shotgun wedding, because of our haste in getting to the altar. Oh well, egg on their face.

I just had a good look at my face in the mirror, and that it obviously where some of the weight has been redistributed. It is looking positively Madonna-esque in its roundness. And I must admit to quite liking it. It is matched in roundness only by the rotundness of my belly. But at least that is mostly due to bloatedness thanks to the excesses carbs I’ve been eating, so I’m not too fazed by that. My previously skinny legs have also filled out nicely. That is nice, as I really don’t appreciate sticklike pins.
BTW, we got our (repaired) camera back. It is taking some gorgeous photo’s, so I’ll finally be able to update my user-pic etc.

Blue Monday

Yesterday was not a good day.

I have never experienced my ms going backwards at such a rate! Never experienced stress and worry and bad-eating taking me down quite so fast.

I received news this week that broke my heart. That made me forget that I have to take care of myself, or else.

Michael came back from his cycling trip. I was so glad to see his face.

Thought I’d go into hospital quick today and get my ‘maintenance’ dose of cortisone. But it was not to be. I might have known it was too good to be true that the medical aid would continue to allow me a special benefit as an out-patient for this treatment. Nope. Now I’ll have to split the dosage and be admitted overnight. Still, if I have to spend the night in hospital to save myself R900, then so be it. Not looking forward to it, though. I suppose I should get it over with and go in tonight.
I’ll be glad when it’s over and I can go on with my life, such as it is. I feel so, so tired. Never thought I’d get to the point where I actually look forward to getting a cortisone drip. Surely this can’t be right? Sometimes I feel as if my reserves of coping with all of this are getting dangerously low.

Horrible week.

This has not been a good week. What an understatement.

I wasn’t able to accompany Mike to his cycle race, courtesy of the pain in my hip joints. But I must say, I have noticed improvement, albeit painfully (literally) slow improvement. Last time it also took a long time to get better, so I’ll take it as a good sign and keep my fingers crossed.

We got some really, really bad news in my family this week. I don’t want to discuss it, as it’s personal but suffice it to say that it has completely hit me for a six. The last couple of days I have felt depressed, irritable and overwhelmed. Stressed out and worried. And I’ve been eating badly. I can feel it is affecting my condition. I’ll probably have to go for some cortisone some time.

I dismantled my Oscar juicer as its locking mechanism wasn’t functioning. I would have had it serviced, but the business is in KZN, and transport would cost a fortune. So the owner advised me to dismantle it myself to check if a piece of fruit or some juice had gotten stuck behind the locking wheel. So I took it apart, cleaned it, and to my mortification, couldn’t put it back together again. And it’s only two parts and four screws.
This morning I phoned the business, but the lady couldn’t help me telephonically, although she did trey. She advised me to phone back later and speak to the owner.
In the mean time, I tackled it again. And eventually got it right! All by myself. The machine is now working better than ever before. I feel so empowered! Lol.

Tomorrow I want to try and stop stressing, eat better and find my equilibrium again. Me going through a rough spot right now is not going to help anybody at this point in time.

I hope Michael has a good race tomorrow. He is riding with his dad and brother. I hope they all enjoy it.

I think this weekend alone-at-home is maybe just what I need right now. A chance to regroup, rest and think things through… And at least I can make myself some juice again ;-).

Quick summary

Day 4 I felt quite yucky, but not too bad, I guess.
Day 5 I felt pretty weak and spent the whole day upstairs, in bed. (Fantisizing about food, lol). I felt vaguely nauseous, on and off the whole day, and I could feel I was detoxifying quite violently. Also, the insomnia arrived last night. Didn't sleep much.
I decided to break the fast today, because Michael is going away for the weekend, and I can't see myself lying here for four days, fasting completely on my own. Uh-uh.
So this morning I had orange juice in bed (brought to my by my dreamy hubby) and immediately felt better. At a more respectable hour, I got up and had two apples. I continiued chowing away steadily all day, and my energy levels swem to be close to normal again.

Would I do it again?
Sure. Probably next month.

Update on last post.

I guess I knew it was too good to be true.

I've started having the familiar side-effects to fasting. I have a horrible, detox taste in my mouth. I feel a bit grotty, to be honest. Also, my stomach is completely empty, and I keep giving these little dry burps. Not nice at all.

I'm trying to focus on the bigger picture, though. How fabulous it will feel to be healthy.

But I'm still taking this fast one day at a time. Even if I feel I need to break it tomorrow, 3 days will still have been better than none, and I'll still feel proud of myself.

Hopefully I can hack it for a bit longer than that, though ;-)

Oh yeah, and the pain in my back is slightly better tonight. Let's be thankful for small mercies, hey.

Day 3...

In my post yesterday, I forgot to mention something interesting. Michael has had a very irritating head cold for the past week. On Wednesday, I felt that oh-so-familiar irritation in my throat, and also started developing a feeble little cough. But the next day, I started my fast, and that sure sure put a stop to the cold. It didn't even have a chance to get off the run-way. Even though I know how powerful the healing is on a fast, I was still pleasantly surprised by the speed at which it acted. Usually, once I get the first symptoms of a cold, I know I'm in for it. Viva la fast!

• I can't believe how good I feel on day 3 of my fast. I keep expecting to feel bad in the morning, and I don't. In fact, I feel so good, I keep wondering "Is this for real?"
• Today, however, I did notice that I have a bit of a white coating on my tongue, which is a very good sign of detoxification. Welcome, friend!
• I have no hunger whatsoever. I guess it's because I've been planning this fast for so long and I am psychologically ready for it.
• I wonder if the fast is going so well because I preceded it with a 3 week juice fast earlier in the month. Or perhaps it is because I am more psychologically 'easy' this time round. I have a bit of experience under my belt, and I know what to expect.
• Just to clarify matters, side-effects that I experienced on previous fasts included: extreme weakness, shortness of breath, severe insomnia, nausea, racing heart, irritibility, and a general spaced-out feeling.
• Not all at once though, lol.
• I did feel quite irritable last night, but that because of (severe) pain in my hips. It was so sore, I felt like crying last night as I got into bed. I just could get comfortable. It's a bit better today, thank godness.
• Actually, I feel very blessed. I feel that this is a bountiful universe, and that I have been led to this way of letting my body get on with the business of healing itself. I've so had it with this disease.
• I told my mom on the phone last night that maybe my hips are sore because they are in the process of being healed by the fast. She laughed, and said now that's what she calls optimism ;-) But there is a grain of truth in my theory. Sites of old injuries and pain etc, are known to act up on a fast, and then be fine after the fast is broken. Better than ever before! I can but hope, right?
• Michael is being his usual, supportive self.
• He did remark this afternoon that I'm looking very pale. No big surprise there - three days without food!
• Sonja's Christopher was a week old on Thursday. I saw him yesterday, he is such a little darling.
• I've had such a restful day so far. I've been lying in bed listening to CD's on my portable CD walkman. How cool is that? I've even managed to do a spot of healing visualisation and affirmations.
• Can't wait for that first post-fast meal of pawpaw, banana and dates!
• I didn't think I'd be updating my blog at all on this fast, on account of being so weak and feeling grotty. But I'm really feeling great so far. I just hope this keeps up!

So fast, so good... ;-)

I'm feeling quite unbelievably perky after two days on water only. I'm very interested in how I will be feeling tomorrow morning. This is almost too good to be true!

We are having a really mild June so far. Unlike the nasty May we had! I've always avoided fasting in Winter, but this time round, I didn't want to put it off till Summer, so I bit the bullet. And it's really no different to fasting at any other time. i can't think why I've been such a wuss about it. As long as I have my trusty hot-water-bottle at hand...

Turns out there's a good reason that a baked-potato is high on the list of comfort foods. It contains tryptophan, which is turn is used by the brain to create serotonin, the feel-good stuff.
Also just saw a thing on tv about how they've stared dishing out chocolates at clubs in Britain, and it has helped curb the crime dramatically. I mean, we all knew it was good, but really... Man, I could do with some right now.

I'm really enjoying this fast so far. I feel the same as I always do, so far. Yesterday was my MIL's birthday, and we all went to eat out at SPUR. (Well, I went for the socialising, not the food, obviously, and it was well worth it). Actually, the food smelt a bit stodgy. I can't say that I was tempted. It was really nice though. I do love spending time with the family.

I got the surprise of my life on Wednesday. I got a phone call from one of my oldest friends, currently living in Mozambique. She was in Sa, and wanted to know if she and her boyfriend could come visit. It was so great. We had a lovely visit, the four of us, and Michael and I have officially been invited to go and visit them in Moz. Although from some of the hair-raising stories she told us I'm not sure if i want to, lol.

I love the feeling of being in control while on the fast. I feel as though I'm taking responsibility for my health. I'm not just handing everything over to a doctor and letting him do what he likes. "Here, take these pills. They'll probably kill you in the long run, but they might help for now".
First prize would of course be not having to take the cortisone anymore at all. But at this stage, even prolonging the time between doses would be a definite plus. And I've noticed that while on a fast, the ms seems to remain stagnant. I last took a gram of cortisone on the 10th of April, so if I could make it until 10th of July before taking more, that would be brilliant.
I also like the thought of my own, natural beta inteferon levels rising, which is what they do on a fast. That is the medicine that I was injecting a while back, although that, of course, was synthetic stuff, and had side-effects. Not so with my own, naturally produced ones. I feel so productive, lol.

Unfortunately, the pain in my hips has returned with a vengeance today. And it has been doing so well, too. Oh well, guess I can only hope for better luck tomorrow.