Sunday evening reflections.

Our little garden is looking so pretty. It is tiny, but it's just so good to have, living in a flat. Every human person needs a bit of garden. Some greenery and maybe even a flower or two. I would just never be able to live in a high-rise apartment block with no garden.
We have two rose bushes which are busy furiously blooming. A soft peachy coloured one, and a candy pink one that is flowering in little clusters. I forget the exact term, but I think it's called tea-posies, or something like that. Very cute.
We also have a French Lavender bush, and some nasturtiums. I was sitting out there now, in the twilight, watching the bats circling about and just feeling very peaceful. I do love Summer evenings.

Our rowdy neighbours have buggered off. Their curtains are still up, so I don't know exactly what they're up to. I think they may have done a runner in the night, to get out of paying the rent. We can only hope!
But no sooner had peace been restored, than the guy opposite us had a maahssive fluorescent light installed uner his carport. It shines directly into our bedrrom window at night. What the hell?!
But we are just so loathe to move. Apart from the massive effort involved, where will we possibly find another flat without mosquitos? For some reason, this is a no-mosquito zone. We sleep with our windows open, no screens, and haven't had a mosquito here in five years. Well, not more than two, definitely, lol. It's fantastic. Virtually no flies, either.
Also, I actually like living in a flat-dwelling community. Even though the other residents get on our nerves sometimes, it's nice having people around you. I like it.

Went to see my granddad for his birthday today. He was so pleased with his CD. I can't help wondering how many birthdays I will still be able to share with him and that makes me sad. When we said goodbye, he stood at the gate and told us that he's broken a record. His parents and father-in-law lived to be 84, and he's made it to 85. He broke into a little song about being 85 today. We told each other, "I love you", and he gave me a tight hug. I had a little cry on the way home, because he's such a lovely person and I don't want to think of him not being around.

I'm finally back on my healthy eating program. Today was my fourth day. I feel much better eating properly again. It is the least one can do for oneself. Even today, when my granddad and Michael were eating lemon meringue pie, I had some sunflower seeds and raisins. It just takes a bit of determination to get past the first few days and then, like anything else, it becomes a habit.
I will, however, be having a waffle or two when we are at the sea. There is a lovely little waffle-house and Michael and I have already booked a trip there.

Thursday's post

Blogger seemed to be down on Thursday, so here is the entry that should have been...

I’m feeling just fantastic! In such a spectacular mood. The euphoria and the doldrums of the meds are past, and now I’m just feeling psychologically in a really good place. I missed it.

Last night’s babysitting was a lot of fun, and little Zander came through the op like a real little trooper. Michael and I are completely enchanted by the little guy. Too enchanted – we’ll be wanting one of our own next, lol.

I have started eating right again, and I feel so good for it. Really excited, actually. You just know you will reap the rewards from putting quality food in your mouth, instead of any old crap. I even had carrot and orange juice this morning and I’m on a very pleasant spike from it.

I got a parcel in the post today, the CD that I ordered my granddad for his birthday. It’s the soundtrack of Brigadoon, and I think he will be delighted by it. It’s in the NAXOS range, and very good quality. The songs are sung by the original cast. I just can’t wait for Sunday to give it to him. It’s so nice finding a present that you know will really mean something to someone.
I’ve been listening to the songs and getting in an increasingly better mood. They are so catchy and charming. No wonder they have stood the test of time. The one song is speaking directly to me:

What a day this has been,
what a rare mood I’m in,
why, it’s almost – like being in love.

I’ve a smile on my face,
for the whole human race,
why, it’s almost – like being in love.

I think I must make myself a copy of the CD. It’s like an instant, feel-good tonic.


My sister had a bad experience at school yesterday. Her class of grade ones was sitting on the floor of the classroom. She wanted to open the door to her storeroom, and told them all to sit still. But as soon as she opened the door, the one child started performing about her finger being stuck under the door. Well, Annie bent down to have a look, and got the fright of her life. Half the baby finger was missing. She told herself, “Just keep calm, just keep calm, just keep calm…” while searching for the missing finger. She couldn’t find it. Eventually, she chanced another look at the finger. It turned out that it was an old injury, and there was just the tiniest little scratch on the stump from the door. Now that is what is called relief!

My mom came to visit me today, and her and I had such a good laugh. I told her that I got a pamphlet from the pharmacy about cord-blood storage. I have decided that if I should have a child, I will definitely pay the R6800 to have the blood cryogenically stored. My mom agreed and said that my sis should do the same if she has a child. She is my only 100% sibling, same father, same mother. Or rather, I have other 100% siblings, we just don’t have exactly the same blood ;-). But Annie and I do. And I would save the cord blood just as much for us as for the child, because there is a 25% chance that the cord blood would be a match for Annie and I, thus coming in very handy for our condition.
But reflecting on it, I mimed a little voice saying, “You used all my cord-blood!”
I guess that wouldn’t be right. Maybe my child would one day have need of its own blood, and would be very unhappy if I’d ‘used it all up’. Maybe I’d even get sued by my own child. This was what we were laughing at, and my mom said I have a very twisted sense of humour. Nothing new there, I’m afraid.
All this brought me to the realization that if I have any intention of ever availing myself of the cord blood, of this as yet fictitious child, I had better pay double or triple and have extra lots of the blood saved, which I’m sure is possible. I mean, have you seen the size of an umbilical cord? Plenty to go around.
Yes, I am twisted, what can I say?

I’m looking positively rubenesque, from the weight I’ve put on, and LOVING it. I didn’t like being so skinny, curves are what it’s all about! Michael agrees. (I’m no Dolly Parton, but at least I don’t look like I enjoyed a recent get-away at a concentration camp anymore, lol) I hope I’m not going to lose it all again now that I’m eating so well. Still, too bad if I do, I’d rather feel healthy.

Michael has become very taken with our water-distiller. I make an effort to keep bottles of distilled water in the fridge for him, and he LOVES it. Keeps thanking me for getting the distiller and saying the pure water tastes like cooldrink. I asked if he thinks we should take the distiller to the sea with us, and he said, “Of course!”.
We’re very excited about our holiday at the seaside, which is only a week away.
Think I’m going to go and listen to Brigadoon again…

Babysitting.

M & I are watching our godsons, Quintus and Jason, tonight as poor little baby, Zander, has to have grommits put in his ear tonight. We are having a fun time playing at being parents for the night. Not that we have to do all that much. The boys are big enoough to bath on their own, and then they have to go to bed, seeing as how it's a weeknight, and school tomorrow.
I told Michael to supervise the running in of the bath-water, as we don't want them to get burnt. I didn't go into the bathrrom, as I thought they might be shy. Michael says he got told in no uncertain terms to get out, when the water was in, ha ha.
So M is watching tv and I am updating my blog (thanks, Mel). I just got up, and standing in the tv room, called, "Are you guys okay?" Quick as a flash, the bathrrom door slammed shut. "We're fine," I heard.
Michael has since been summoned, and I hear some sort of discussion going on there.
When they get out, it is bedtime, and I will read them a story. I think I'm looking forward to that more than they are, because they don't look that keen, lol. From the look of Quintus, he wants to stay up and play games with his Uncle.

I think I may have been a little ambitious to go to work this morning. I felt a bit wasted by the afternoon. Still, it's only data-processing, not hard grafting ;-) And also only half-day, at that. Still, I can feel I'm getting steadily stronger. This whole working lark is just what I needed to get back into some sort of reality and not the limbo I felt I was in.

I don't want to speak too soon, but I seem to have some sort of a handle on this whole ms situation. I guess I've gone through all those classic stages than one is supposed to go through, anger, denial, blah,blah,blah. Anyway, I feel like I've calmed down a lot.

Progress

I am feeling better.

I can sort of plot the little graph by now. On Sunday evening, a couple of hours post-cortisone, I felt on a bit of a high. Nothing new there. I felt cute and funny, and just generally the bee’s-knees. Too hyped up to sleep, come bedtime. So I lay there the whole night, watching Michael sleep. I drank a lot of water, seeing as I was awake. I am convinced this helps combat the toxicity of the meds a lot.

Monday morning rolled around. Didn’t feel too bad, considering I had slept a sum total of nothing. Expecting depression, I was really glad that it was, in fact, not present. My face was flushed, but that was all.
Went shoe shopping during lunch and bought a pair of beach-sandals which may or may not have been a mistake. It was around this time that I noticed a disproportionate amount of irritability floating around in me. It escalated over the course of the afternoon to dangerous levels. Not fun, but still more fun than feeling sorry for myself and being depressed. Poor Michael.

Went to bed early, and had a solid night of glorious, uninterrupted sleep. Didn’t wake up once. Woke up feeling really quite good this morning at half-past nine. I have the slightest bit of moon-face, but nothing that will stop traffic. The irritation is gone, and apart from feeling a wee bit run-down and weak, I feel quite all right. Purple spots receding rapidly, most gratifyingly.

So I’ve survived another round, and stood up. No TKO for me.

All in all, quite pleased with the result. However. I need to start looking after myself better again. Eating right, particularly, and carrying on with the exercises I have been doing. I haven’t made myself juice in ages so best that I start that up again. It is amazing how carrot juice can pep up one’s system. Potent stuff, carrot juice. Freshly made, it contains a wonderful cocktail of enzymes and vitamins, that are very accessible to the body. Virtually goes straight into the bloodstream, as little digestion is needed. So that’s my resolution for what remains of October: Less chocolate, more carrot! In fact, I may even make that my maxim to live by. Quite catchy, don’tcha think?
I feel like I can at least cook for my poor man tonight. Last night, I lay on a mattress in front of the tv, feeling simultaneously feeble and enormously irritated, and when he timidly phoned to hear if I was making food, I advised him to pick something up on the way home from work. Which he did. But tonight things are largely back to normal. Nothing too ambitious, just a pot of mince and pasta, the lazy housewife’s mainstay.

Today's post

I went into hospital this morning for two hours or so to get my fix of cortisone. Irritately enough, I had to actually go through the whole admissions process, get issued a bed, the whole toot, instead of just going via casualties. This is so that the Medical Aid will pay for the procedure. Goodness knows why, because it works out more expensive for them, but anyway. I have no intention of paying for it out of my own pocket, as it adds up to about R2000. Not petty cash.

Right now, I am feeling deceptively good. Actually, I feel like a million dollars. I’m glad I went, because it was time. The purple spots in front of my eyes were going haywire, which is a precursor for serious loss of vision in a couple of weeks time, if left untreated. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. But I still feel a bit indecisive, driving everyone around me nuts, because I don’t like taking the medication if I can help it, that’s no secret. I never no when I should take it, because I have to distinguish between residual symptoms, which have been there for years, and new or worsening symptoms, which is not always easy. I’m resigned to taking the meds now, in fact, I think of it as my friend. But I still don’t want to overdo it, as there are dire long-term side-effects, which I don’t even feel like discussing.
I know that the side-effects (short-term, that is) will hit me tomorrow. Then I’ll say, “I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus.” Which is silly because I think someone who has been hit by a bus will disagree.
But I won’t feel good. I’ll feel depressed, very tired, flu-like, achey-breakey. But knowing that it’ll pass in a couple of days does make it easier, especially the medication-induced depression.

I met a woman in the bed next to me who also has ms. I was keeping a low-profile while my drip was running, but when I found out she is also an ms-er, I felt like a child with a new playmate. She is much worse than I am, though. She is currently in hospital for two weeks, taking 1g of cortisone every second day. Yikes! And that’s not all she’s taking. She’s on a whole ritz of other medication. She told me she got such an (opportunistic) infection in her eye that she nearly lost it!
I know this is totally awful, and I’m ashamed to admit it, but it does cheer me up a bit when I meet someone who’s worse off than I am. Don’t get me wrong, I feel really sorry for her, but it does have the effect of making me grateful for my own situation.
Not like when I hear of people with ms doing triathlons for charity, lol. That makes me feel very inadequate.

I saw a black guy in town yesterday. He was on crutches. I didn’t want to stare, but I think he may have had a leg missing. He had a serious deformity on his face. His forehead bulged out, out of all proportion, like a massive swelling. I only saw him fleetingly, but I have been thinking of him ever since. What must his life have been like? He looks oldish and very poor. It is really wrenching at my heart. He wasn’t begging for money, just crossing the street, so I didn’t want to accost him with money. He’s been on my mind such a lot, though, I wish now that I had reached out in some way. How blessed my own life is, really.

I’m going to try and drink as much water as I can for the rest of the day, as that really seems to take the edge off the effects of the meds.

Ouch, my back is sore. Forgot about that little side-effects!
Oh yes, and one other thing. I am so grateful that I have lovely, visible veins. They never battle to get a needle in there, unlike the poor girl in the next bed, who ends up having to get it in her neck because her other veins are so flat. My sisters actually don’t have such great-shakes veins, looks like I am the lucky one!

One other last thing ;-) Darling hubby is out playing a much-deserved game of golf. Apart from putting up with my 'will-I-won't-I' charade, he very kindly and supportively took me to the hospital this morning and waited there with me the whole time. Bless his heart.

Last night's post which WOULDN'T go through

Had a lovely day today. Up early, and went to town with Michael. I got some really nice fruit from Woolworths. Apples, dates and cherry tomatoes. I want to start eating better. Lately, it's been a policy of 'anything goes'. Not good. Unfortunately, when we went to watch the rugby at my sister's house, I packed out a bit and got stuck into the bowl of mini-Crunchies she had there. Michael's team lost, but a fun time was still had by all. We went to watch the next game at Melany and Tommie's and Melany and I got to have a nice visit. It's so nice to talk to someone who has a similar way of looking at life to your own. Right now, though, I am feeling a bit grotty. I have a nasty case of Optic Neuritis, which is where one's optic nerve gets inflamed. Left untreated, this can cause damage, so tomorrow, or Monday at the latest, I will be booking into hospital for a dose of IV cortisone. Not looking forward to the after-effects, but at least if I have it done now then I should be okay for when we go to the sea. I don't relish the thought of going to hospital and having a drip hooked up, but I don't like taking chances with my eye-sight. As it is, I am seeing flashing purple lights, and am experiencing sickening pains in my eyes when I move them in their sockets. Also tension headaches from eye strain. Add to this a general feeling of fatigue, pins-and-needles and numbness in extremities - yep, I think it's time for some meds.

What the hey? I'm on a roll!

Yesterday I went outside to water our garden a bit. I put the sprayer on, and the kids from next door came to chat to me. They are very sweet kids, I like them a lot. I put the sprayer in the communal stretch of garden for them to play in, and they had such a nice time. They put on their swimming costumes and ran through it, cartwheeled over it, and just generally got soaking wet.
They told me that they will be moving one of these days, to a house in the area. I was sad to hear this, as I've gotten quite attached to them. This is the same family where the mom is a proffesional singer. Ever since the time I asked her to turn down the bass on her amp, there has been no more trouble. I have actually gotten quite fond of her voice. I'll be sorry to see them go.
I know this is a different tune to the one I was singing a few months ago. There is an expression in Afrikaans: Om te kla met 'n wit brood onder jou arm. This translates to complaining with a white bread under your arm, i.e. complaining when you actually have it pretty good.
The truth is, they are really nice neighbours, and decent people.
Unlike the people on the other side of us. They are complete riffraff. I'm not snobbish, but these people are terribly badly behaved and downright common. They are unemployed, and celebrate it by having loud, drunken parties on weekday nights. Apparently, they are in arrears with their rent. If that was me, you wouldn't hear a peep out of me, but they are so loud and disruptive that the neighbour on the other side of them, has called out the cops at least three times in a two month period. I just don't get it.

Update, what do you know!

Wow, but it's been a veritable aeon since last I updated. I hardly know where to begin, it's like starting a whole new blog!

I'm not even going to try and recount everything that's been happening since my last post, I'll just pick up where I left off, as it were.

I was reflecting today on the fact that my parents named me after my English (maternal)granny. My sister was named after my Afrikaans granny, albeit an anglicized version. But here's the thing: my sis got both names of our Afrikaans granny, who incidentally neither of us ever met. Anne Catherine. While I only got one of our English granny's names, i.e. Margaret. Her second name is Iris, which for some reason never got included when my birth was registered.
Not that I'm complaining. Iris is not exactly the most funky name on the block. It's a bit weird actually because although it is a type of flower, it is also a part of the eye. It would be like being called Cornea, or Pupil.
But then it occured to me that if I had Iris as second name, then my initials (including my surname) would be MIA. Which is kinda cool! In fact, it appeals so much, I may just go ahead and change my name to include Iris. I always felt like I was gipped out of a second name, lol.

My temperamental health is doing surprisingly well for a change. This business of only taking 1 gram of cortisone when I need it is really working for me. I say 'only' but it is still a whopping dose, just small compared to the 5 gram sessions I used to have. Everything is indeed relative.
In fact, things are going so well that I am working for the first time in years. It is only three mornings a week, which I can just about handle, but I am actually enjoying doing a bit of honest labour. My FIL is updating his data-base, and was kind enough to ask me if I'd like to help out.
So yes, things are going well in that department.

Actually, things are going GREAT!
Though I still tire easily if I try to do too much or walk too far, things have really taken a turn for the better, majorly.

Truthfully, things were going so bad last year, I thought I was going to die. So to not only be alive and kicking, but actively enjoying life and looking forward to the future is remarkable and wonderful. It just goes to show, no matter how bad things are, there is always hope. I just can't stress it enough. Talk about a new lease on life. I don't bother worrying about the future anymore, for now I am just content with enjoying the present.

Later in this month, we will be going to the sea. M and I haven't been on a holiday in three years, so we're really looking forward to it. And on the 2nd of November, we have tickets to see my favourite comedian, live. Can't wait.