The good life

I've got music,
I've got rythym,
I've got my guy -
who could ask for anything more?

Gershwin

Anyone who reads this blog of mine should be getting used to my ups and downs. I'm not, though, it still catches me unawares, even when I take medication that I know makes me depressed. Slow learning curve, I guess.

My back is finally feeling a bit better. I caan live with it like this. The brace must be helping. I;ve also decided to start exercising before the whole works falls apart. So I'm going to start swimming again. I've avoided it for the last three years because of the chlorine in the water, which upsets my ms-symptoms. But I find it a lot more upsetting not being able to sleep at night from the severe pain in my back, so I think the chloring is the lesser of the two evils.
My parents have a salt-water chlorinator in their pool, which I reckon is my best bet. Now that I've decided that I'm going to start swimming I'm so excited I hardly know what to do with myself. I love swimming. It is my absolute favourite. Can't wait for this afternoon.

I'm going to investigate the exercises that fall within my abilities and make a plan. I'm not good at living with pain.

My parents invited us out this morning to have breakfast with them atmy favourite new restaurant. There was a lovely breakfast-buffet to choose from. So lovely, in fact, that I didn't even have to go off my healthy eating plan. I had a simply delicious fruit salad. really, really good.

I'm on day 6 of my new, improved diet. And feeling much better for it, too. I decided that I may boycott Christmas dinner this year, as I wanted to go on a juice-fast. Well, not wanted to - had to. It is the only thing that stops a relapse. Well, slows it down, anyway. Noticably. So it was either juice-fast for Christmas, or spend Christmas in hospital, mainlining cortisone. Surisingly enough, I opted for the juice.
The thing is, I was feeling crap. Of course everyone says to me, oh, but you look good. But they don't know what's going on behind the scenes.
Optic neuritis, which comes and goes in severity and generally freaks me out, because it leads to loss of vision, fatigue, ataxia (difficultity in walking) loss of strength and co-ordination in arms, heat-sensitivity blah, blah, blah.
But the other night, I lay in bed, fighting off the pain to try to get to sleep, when I thought I was having a mild anxiety attack. From the way I've heard it describe, this is what I thought it must be. The pain wasn't helping, of course.
Then I thought to myself, "You know, you don't really do anxiety."
This is mostly true, even under extreme provocation.
Then I realised it was an ms thing. I can't describe it for the life of me, though I have tried. It happens every night, sometimes more severly than other times.
It starts with like a whole-bode 'restless leg syndrome' feeling. I feell very weird inside my body, spaced out, and heart feels like its skipping beats. When I try and lift my arms, they feel like jelly. In fact, that is what triggers the rest of the feeling, lift, or moving my arms. So obviously I try not to do that.

Anyway, since I've been eating better, I've been feeling generally better, (Surprise, surprise). So I think I may postpone the fasting till after Christmas, and hopefully after my birthday, on the 4th of Jan. Still, I'll take it day by day. All I know is that it is helping enormously that I'm not in so much pain anymore. The back brace does seem to be helping.

Michael has ordered our ADSL line, so no more dial-up for us, shortly. Means I'll be able to update my blog every day. Now that will be nice.