MaggsBunny

New address

2009-08-15T18:47:00.002+02:00

Phew, haven't posted here in YEARS! Just happened by now when I left a comment for another Blogspotter.

I never did leave a forwarding address, as I had problems posting anything, hence the move to wordpress.

But here is my not-so-new cyber address:

www.maggsbunny.wordpress.com

Hectic Day!

2007-01-16T21:56:00.000+02:00

What a day!

Yesterday was quite nice. Went to town a bit, and generally felt quite good. Didn't get to swim, though. We did go down the road to get a squizz at McNaught's Comet at twilight. Unfortunately there was a bit of, shall we say, marital misunderstanding on the way. I felt upset enough to have a sudden onslaught of exacerbated ms-symptoms, and suddenly had no interest in seeing the bloody comet. Couldn't spot the damn thing, anyway, so it was just as well.

Today, we left for Jo'burg just after 7:00. Got to the clinic just in time for my appointment. Wasted a whole lot of energy galloping around the parking-lot, but eventually we found the right place.
The neurologist is a real sweetie. I like him a lot, and feel comfortable around him, which is more than I can say about some other neurologists. We discussed the trials for a while, and I had to sign the consent forms. Lots of paperwork. They even have to do a HIV test, as that is something that may intefere with the trials of an immune system disease.
Then the (many) tests commenced.
At least the doc has no doubt that I have relapsing-remitting ms, which is good news. Both for the trials and for me, personally.
Then they did an ECG, to test my heart, which is normal. Had to lift my shirt so he could attach a whole lot of little electrode thingies to my chest *blush*. I must be getting older though because this didn't bother me much. In fact, I was quite pleased by how my bare stomach looked. As well it should, after two weeks of dedicated swimming. Anyway, heart was fine.
Then he looked into my eyes, and said my poor optic nerve is very pale. It's supposed to be a healthy red. Still, no surprises there.
Then he drew four vials of blood. Once again, my veins were perky and did me proud.

Then a colleague of my new neuro was called in to run the disability tests. Can't remember the acronym.
I tell you, I was performing like a seal. Doing my very best.
First I had to put nine little wooden rods into a wooden block with nine corresponding holes in it. First with the right hand then with the left. It went okay. Frankly, much easier than buttoning my shirt or putting my earrings on.
Then I had to do the cognitive ability test. They need a baseline to compare future tests with, while on the trials, to see if there is deterioration or improvement. Fortunately, I don't have cognitive troubles. Very thankful for that.
Anyway, he introduced the test by saying, "This is hard". Immediately, I felt stressed. I know I don't have cognitive dysfunction, but these guys didn't.
The test simultaneously tests mental arithmetic and memory. He plays a cd, where a voice gives you a list of numbers to add up. But there's a twist. After you've added the first two digits, and given the answer, the voice repeats another number, and you have to remember what the second number of the previous sum was, and add that to the new one. And so on. You get a couple of seconds between each number. I got to have a little trial run, where the neuro and I gave the answers together. On the third number, he made a mistake, and we laughed. Then I got to do it for real. The numbers kept coming for about a minute or two, maybe more. It gets confusing after a while. When the cd was finished, he looked up from his little sheet and said, "Well done. 100%."
I was relieved. At least I didn't screw up.
"Normally, people don't get past the third number," he added.
Well, I was competing with people who had cognitive malfunction as a symptom, so I didn't think too much of it. Until he added, "Including the doctors."
When the other neurologist came back, he said to him, "Hah! She scored better than you did on this test!"
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't suitably chuffed about that. And I know I'm blowing my own horn, but I have to. When the time came for me to hop on one leg, I couldn't do it. Even a young child can do that! I also couldn't walk heel-toe in a straight line, or stand up straight when I closed my eyes. So allow me my moment of glory in the cognitive test, lol.
Then I had to walk 25m as fast as I could, which was 5 seconds. I was quite amazed. Back in the examing room, I had to do the run-of-the-mill tests for sensory disabilty and muscle weakness. This including him bending my toes up or down, and me having to say which direction he was doing it with my eyes closed. My poor toes are so numb I couldn't even get one right. I also couldn't detect the vibration of the tuning-fork thingy he kept prodding me with. But, like I said, no surprises. Eye-test went okay, not brilliant, and that with my glasses on.
Ended up on a four on the disability scale which pleased me. Remember, I needed to be 5.5 or lower to be on the trials.
Then he asked me some personal questions about my bladder function (not good), whether I have depression as a symptom (I don't) and my sexual function. (Relax, I won't discuss that. Except to say that it didn't embarass me at all, I must be getting quite mature :-)

Then it was off to do the lung-function test where I met a lovely, lovely nurse called Mandy. The lung-function results came back a bit low. Sur[rise, surprise. Not.
But not low-enough to exclude me from the trials. The lung specialist (or whatever they're called) was very nice, too. He'll be monitoring my reactions when I start taking the drugs, as that is one of the presenting side-effects during the inital dose.

Next, it was off to have my brain scanned by MRI. This went all right. I was only in the machine for about 40 minutes, because they only wanted a scan of the brain, not of the spinal chord. I was cautioned to remain very still. Which was hard as my eye started itching ferociously while I was in there, but I managed to ignore it. Then they injected the contast dye in and back I went for the second scan.
I was very disappointed, as neither my doctor nor myself got to have a look at them. The cd was shipped straight off to Switzerland to be analysed. So much for my free MRI scan. Doesn't help me at all.
I finished off the day, with some chest x-rays, which fortunately were short and sweet, and then Michael and I ate at a fantasic coffee shop at the hospital. It's part of the popular Wiesenhof chain. I had a lovely spinach, mushroom and feta wrap and a naughty slice of lemon meringue pie. But hell, I needed it after all those tests.
Michael was a real darling. My waiting-room man, I call him. He just waited and waited for me the whole day. Bless him.

My chances of getting on the actual drug are higher than I thought - 66%. The three arms of the trials are the placebos and then two categories of the drug, in different potencies. I'm just hoping for the best.

Now I just have to go for an Evoked Potential test next Friday, and then I will hear in about two weeks whether I've been accepted on the trials or not.

Of course, now that there is a possibilty of me going on them, I'm suddenly feeling much better. I walked around brilliantly the whole day without a single exacerbation. Either I'm really psychological, or the ion detox/ homoeopathy/ exercise is working for me!

The trip home was strange and wonderful. First, we sat in a traffic jam for an hour, which was neither strange nor wonderful.
But on the second leg of the trip, we had quite an experience. On a long stretch of road close to home, we watched the most beautiful twilight spectacle unfold.
Ahead of us, there were clouds overhead of a cerulean blue sky, interspersed with shades of baby pink and mauve.
To our left and our right the sky was a dark indigo, with black clouds. It was pouring with rain on either side of us, but none where we were driving. It was like going through a surreal tunnel, in a parallel universe. We were flanked by a long line of bluegum (eucalyptus) trees on the left, and kopjies on the right. But the most magnificent of it all, was the display of lightning. None where we were, but clearly visible on either side of us. Totally awa-inspiring.
Add to this, one of our favourite cd's playing on the radio, and it was just too magical for words. Michael and I share a huge passion for music. It was one of the (many) things that brought us together. I wish I had a photo of tonight.
When we got home, there wasn't a cloud in the sky, and it looked just like Vincent van Gogh's Starry, starry night. Breathtaking.

After all the activity today, my back and hips are feeling pretty much okay. Man, but this swimming lark of mine is paying huge dividends!

Better that I wrap up this post before it starts to rival Tolstoy's War and Peace in length.
I'll just leave you with this rather interesting link that I poached off Donna's blog:
MS-simulator.

Countdown.

2007-01-15T10:47:00.000+02:00

Tomorrow is my appointment with the neurologist. I'm excited about it but also nervous. I read up on some of the side-effects of the drug, and they include shortness of breath (which I hate), diarrhea, chest infections, headaches. Although, they are nowhere near as bad as the side-effects of the inteferons. I still haven'y forgotten the vicious leg-spasms I got from them!
What also bothers me, is that of course no-one knows what the long-term effects will entail. Scary.

And of course, there is the big question of: Am I on the placebo or the Real Thing? (Maybe I'll be really naughty and have a blood-test to solve that one. Then at least I'll know, and can carry on with my fasting program).

Anyway, tomorrow I'll find out if I can even go on the trials, wwhich is the first hurdle.

I swam 80 laps yesterday, and am loving it. I can feel a difference after only two weeks of swimming.

However, the relapse is starting to affect my breathing, which is very scary. Slight difficulty taking in a deep breath, which I recognise as a sign. This means that the lesion on my spinal cord is intefering with it.
I remember back in2001 when I was diagnosed, when the neuro saw the MRI scan, he panicked and admitted me to hospital for steroid treatment immediately, saying that I could stop beathing at any time. At least I only have one more day to wait until I can take medication at any time I feel I need it.
But given that my breathing laboured, I might skip the swimming today.

We watched Casablanca last night, and it was so good. Michael enjoyed it a lot. He said that at first he thought some of the stuff they said was corny, until he realised that that was where the lines originally came from!

Quotes from Casablanca that we all know and love:

Here's looking at you, Kid.
Play it again, Sam.
We'll always have Paris.
The lives of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world.
Of all the gin-joints, in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.
I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship.

Happy day!

2007-01-14T14:19:00.000+02:00

Today was such a happy day in my family. We celebrated the first birthday of Melany's little boy, Zander. He is Michael and I's godson, and very important to us. Melany and Tommie threw a lovely Champagne Breakfast Party for all of us, and it was so enjoyable. They really know how to entertain, those two! All of Michael's family was there, which doesn't happen that often, as his brother and family live six hours (by car) away. I felt sorry for them, having to drive back in this heat.
There was the most marvellous fruit salad at the party, so I kept up with the healthy way I've been eating lately. No that it was difficult. That was the Rolls Royce of fruit salads! And I got to take some home with me.

What made it the best for me, was that I was walking around (almost) normally, even in this fearful heat. I've been looking forward to this, so it would have been dreadful if I was having one of my ms-sessions.
Actually, (though I don't want to say it out loud) I'm feeling quite a bit better. Not completely myself, certainly, butnot too bad. Whether this is from the homeopathic medicine I've been taking, or the Body Cleanse detox, the swimming, eating better, just plain coincidence, or a combination of them all, I cannot say. But I hope it keeps up till Tuesday, so I can look all perky at the trials, and have the choice to go on them if I choose.

On the subject of swimming, I did 84 laps yesterday. I was quite impressed. I did notice however, that I do most of the work with my arms and that I need to concentrate more on my legs. They're still very weak, though they are better than they were. I'm not complaing about how toned my arms are starting to look, I can tell you. I use my arms a lot, to compensate for my legs being weak, and my balance being off. Tip for women with saggy arms: Use a walker for a while, and see the difference! Anyway, the swimming is adding a nice touch of definition to them.
I read online that swimmers tend to lose weight slower than with other forms of exercise. Apparently it boosts the appetite. Don't know how true this is, but I was thrilled to read it. I really don't want to lose weight, just to tone up (a lot!)

Things that I want to do this week:

Read my Neuro Linguistic Programming book. (Finally!)
Work up to 100 laps in the swimming pool.
Finish learning Pachelbel's Cannon on the keyboard. (It's sounding divine, btw).
Plant a tray of wheatgrass and sprout some Mung beans.
Start off (gently) with my Pilates exercises.
Make myself Carrot Juice at least three times.

I guess that's enough resolutions for one week.

I'm going to place my book order now. I get my retail therapy online at the moment, because I don't have enough energy to trawl through the shooping malls. I prefer it anyway. And I really love it when people give me vouchers to spend online!

I found some Blueberries in our local SPAR today for only R5.99. Normally, you only get them at Woolworths, and they'll set you back R29.99 for a small punnet.
Apparently, the bio-flavanoids in blueberries aid greatly in remyelination, which, if you have MS, you'll know all about.

M & I bought a stunning puzzle featuring the original movie poster for Casablanca. It has Ingrid Bergman's face on it, an a background of Rick's café. I have seen the movie a couple of times, but Michael hasn't. It's showing on tv tonight, so we'll definitely be watching or taping it. We wanted to watch the movie before we built our puzzle. Every now and then, we buy a puzzle that really appeals to us. It has to be something that we'd want to see on a regular basis, as we have them framed when we're done and hang them up on our living room wall. Kitsch, maybe, but we love it. We don't buy just anything, it has to be something really special. So far, we have a collector's edition of Mickey Mouse, an Egyptian painting from one of the pharoah's tombs, and Vincent van Gogh's Sunflowers. (While we were building that one, Vincent (or Starry, starry night, as most people know it) started playing (by chance) on the hi-fi. Which was really special, we got all emotional because there we were, building a masterpiece, listening to a song on the artist's (tortured) life.
This is why we have to watch Casablanca (apart from it being a stunning movie). We don't just build puzzles, we live them for a while, lol.

Some inspiration always welcome.

2007-01-12T23:39:00.000+02:00

The rain did clear up and I had a fantastic swim. The muscle in my thigh seems to have recovered, and I managed to swim 50 laps again. I'd say the pool is about 8 meters in length, thus I swam approxiamately 400m. It's going much easier now, My next goal is to work up to 100 laps. I plan to keep swimming till at least end of April, if at all possible. May, too, weather permitting.
I am so thrilled to be exercising again, I can hardly describe it. I was so very active my whole life (and especially loved to swim) until the whole ms thing came along. And I live with a very fit and active man, who takes his exercise seriously. To sit on the side-lines all these years just did not do it for me. Which is why I am loving it so, now.

I'm very into NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) at the mo. The basis of it is to reprogram the brain, discarding negative beliefs and thought-patterns, and replacing them with healthy and positive ones. It can be very beneficial in the management of chronic diseases. I have one book on it, NLP for Dummies. But I did a search tonight on MS and NLP. I got a fair number of results, one of which has really excited me.
It is a book written by a guy called Dermot O' Connor who was diagnosed with ms and managed to turn it around, by diet, exercise, Chinese medicine and NLP! I did a search on my favourite online bookstore, Kalahari.net and lo and behold, there it was! My parents-in-law kindly gave me a voucher for my birthday, which covers most of the amount for the book. So first thing tomorrow morning I will be ordering. To say I am excited is a severe understatement.

I'm actually feeling not-too-bad-at-all tonight. Probably a combination of the detox and swimming, and the cooler weather that we are having, thanks to the rain.

Michael's brother and his wife are in town, visiting, so we are having a nice family get-together and on Sunday we are going to a party for our nephew and godson's very first birthday. Can't wait, actually.

Detox

2007-01-12T14:45:00.000+02:00

I feel a bit better today than yesterday. I think it was triggered by not sleeping well the night before last, and then having three bananas for breakfast. Foods with a high G.I. (glycemic index) seem to trigger exacerbations when I have a relapse.

Anyway, went for my detox. The practitioner is really nice, I like her a lot. The maching is called The Body Cleanse, and works on the principle that because of the ionizor in the water, the toxins move from a higher (the body) to a lower (the water) concenctration. That is how I understood it, but it could be the other way round.

When she did the readings of my organs (which is done by me holding an electrode in my one hand, and her applying a little prod, I suppose you'd call it, to various points on my fingers and toes, thus enabling the current to move through me) some of the reading were better than previously, but others are still very low.
My mineral level has thankfully gone way up. Thank goodness for that, as I've drinking the full-dose of my mineral drops.
My nervous system reading was still very low, although it did go up a lot on the second reading, after the detox.

My lung reading is dangerously, dangerously low. I'm worried about that.

The water changed colour today, as last time, but not as much. I find this whole process very interesting, and will definitely stick to it for a while.

We just had some lovely, much-needed rain. Hope it clears up by this afternoon though, as I'm eally looking forward to my swim.

Right now though, I have a baked butternut waiting for me in the oven. I absolutely love butternut, especially with a dash of cinnamon.

Tired

2007-01-11T17:27:00.000+02:00

I feel very fatigued today.

I guess it didn't help that I went to sleep at 1:30am and got up at 8am. Way too little sleep for me.

I'm going to skip my afternoon-swim for the first time this year (ha ha). Not because I feel tired, but because the muscle in my thigh where I fell and got stabbed with a piece of plastic really hurts. I think I'll just rest it for a day, and hopefully I will feel better tomorrow.

I'm doing another of those ionization detoxes tomorrow. I do think the last session was quite helpful, I'm very interested in going again.

I'm trying to think of something entertaining to write about, but I'm too sleepy to concentrate. Bit of a mental fug I got going here.
That, and I think I've had a bit of an overdose of blogging since our adsl got connected. Too much of a good thing, I guess. I feel sated, like when I've had too much chocolate.
Till tomorrow then.

Wacky Wednesday

2007-01-10T23:18:00.000+02:00

Not really, but it's been nice.

That's the thing about life - there are moments of pure joy that make us want never to leave this world.
My whole day was good, but the end of it was exquisite. Late afternoon, I went swimming at Sonja's (my sister) house. Got to play with little Christopher a bit which was lovely. He's recognizing me now when I go there, it's just smiles all the way. Even held out his little arms to come to me. It just made my heart swell.
Anyway, I did 50 laps (though it isn't a very big pool). I felt great afterwards. Also have managed to eat properly the last couple of days. New year's resolutions going well for once ;-)

When we got back home, I played Michael the Gavotte in its completed form. He said it sounds good, but I think he's glad to see the back of it. Frankly, so am I, lol.
I've been working on the Canon today, and I'm having a great time with it. I've studied music for years, but I never really knew Pachelbel's work before.

Then we watched SCRUBS, and after that, Michael came upstairs to work on the pc. He needed to transfer photo's from his cellphone to the computer so that he could e-mail them for work purposes. Only, the cellphone's software on the computer went completely AWOL. He battled for ages trying to reinstall the software (getting more and more frustrated), while I was waiting, not so patiently in the wings for my turn, blog addict that I am.
So I sauntered in and asked him why he didn't transfer it via the infra-red. We have a port on our computer, and so has his cellphone. He was very delighted with my suggestion and asked why I hadn't come in earlier with this 'pearl of wisdom'. My toes curled at that, because he is the computer whizz, and I'm always light-years behind. But he'd forgotten about the infra-red.

While I was waiting for him to transfer the stuff I went into our room and got it into my head that I have the Canon on CD somewhere. I scratched around, found it and popped it into my CD-walkman (which btw was the best thing I ever bought). This was the full version, played by violins. I put my ear-phones on and the music just engulfed and surrounded me. There was a heavy smell of rain in the air, abd a lovely cool breeze, and it just culminated in one of those really special moments in life where you feel so very happy to be alive. I wish I could bottle that feeling and keep it under my bed for when I don't feel quite as utterly delightful.
'Cause let's face it, you have to take the good with the bad. The lows make the highs so much better. Like Ying and Yang.

I caught sight of myself in a mirror earlier, and I looked just like The Famous Grouse. I wear my hair up when I bath, and it was sticking out in a little tuft at the back. I have to work on my image! Can't go 'round looking like a grouse, even a famous one.

I've made a list of a few things that I intend doing if and when the new meds start working for me. (Why? Because it amuses me).

Take up belly-dancing. Apparently it keeps you really fit and it just can't be bad for your marriage. There are plenty of instructional DVD's around. I'll buy the whole Mata Hari outfit, too. Those baggy, transparent pants, skimpy little top, belly-chain, kohl eye-liner, bindi, veil, the works.
That should be a lot of fun.

Next on the list: If I recover suffiently, I would love to go back to work, full-time. Then I can stop feeling like such a layabout. In light of previous paragraph, maybe I can be an exotic dancer, lol.

And once a bit of time has elapsed, I'd like to have a couple of kids. A boy and a girl, they're on order. We've named the fictional little buggers already: Kristen May for the girl, and Luke Michael for the boy. What gives you the idea I've thought about this quite a lot :-)

Of course, I'm only having a bit of fun, but wouldn't it be nice? As it happens, I reckon I'll make it comfortably till Tuesday without steroids. And I can definitely manage a 100m. Maybe not in ten seconds, but it really shouldn't be a problem. That spot on the trials has my name written all over it, and they say that this is the next big thing in ms-treatment. See, I knew 2007 would be good.

Bloody hell!

2007-01-09T22:50:00.000+02:00

What did I go and do tonight? Only lost my balance and took a fall, right on my hip. Also right on my HOUSE tape, which is now in smithereens.

I answered the phone and it was my sister. "Hello?"
"Hello?" says she, sounding confused.
"Hello?" I say again. This could go on all night.
"Oh, crap," she says.
'Thanks a lot," I say.
Turned out she was trying to phone someone else, but dialled my number. No offense taken. But as I hung up and walked away, I lost my footing. I took another huge step, trying to right my balance, but it was no good. I fell down heavily, hearing a crunch as the VHS tape bit the dust.
"Ow!" I said. "I hope that wasn't the HOUSE tape."
Of course it was the HOUSE tape."
My sister and I really like HOUSE. She doesn't have dish, so I tape it for her every week. There were a whole banch of episodes on that tape. Emphasis on were. There are shards of plastic currently embedded in my upper thigh.
Not really, but there's a very weirdly shaped puncture mark there. Burns like hell.

At least now it's out the way. I've 'nearly' fallen about five times this week. The anticipation was killing me. Now it's done.

Back's feeling a bit sore, but actually better than it did last night, so I don't think any real harm was done. I had a very gentle swim at my sister's house. Bliss.

Tomorrow I'm going to take some of those homeopathic drops that helped with my optic neuritis last month. Can't remember why I stopped taking them, they seemed to help.

I could well be addicted to blogging ;-)

2007-01-09T14:49:00.000+02:00

"Doctor, doctor, I feel like a vibrator!"
"Well, buzz off then."

That is how I feel. Can't think how to explain it. I have all these electrical, misconducted impulses coursing through me. Buzzing, tingling, little shocks... This morning, it was at the back of my neck. Now the toes on my right foot are really numb, which is Very Bad News. Obviously there's trouble on my spinal cord. And I can't have meds till next Tuesday, otherwise I can kiss my spot on the trials goodbye.

I'm having a 24hr fast today. When one fasts, one's own natural inteferons are released so that should help matters slightly. I am supplementing mineral drops in my water, however, as the detox practitioner took readings of my mineral levels (Don't ask me how, but it was fairly scientific and she said they are dangerously low. I wasn't pleased to hear that because all I ever seem to do is take really expensive vitamin and mineral supplements.

I will take it a bit easier with the swimming today, because it seems to aggravate the tingles. Also my hips are flippin' sore again. And my chiropractor has buggered off to Kuala Lampur. Could have been Timbuctoo or Pakistan, too. Wasn't really concentrating except to note that I better find a new chiro.

I'm finished with the little Gavotte, no doubt to Michael's immense relief. I'll now move on to Pachelbel's Canon, which I am absolutely in love with. Once I've come to grips with that, I'll do Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. Did I mention I really like my keyboard.

But now I think I'll go watch BBC Food channel, which I always do when I'm fasting, masochist that I am.

Tuesday lacks imagination...

2007-01-09T09:01:00.000+02:00

...or maybe it's just me. Feel a bit blah this morning.

I had a fantastic swim yesterday evening with Michael and our nephews. It was so unbelievably nice. I felt more alive than I have in years. Say what you like, but kids do keep you young.
After they got out the pool, I swam laps and was just about transported to Neverland, it felt so good.

However. I guess I overdid it, because I had a lot of backpain last night. Muscular strain, I dunno. Felt like it.

Disappointingly, I'm not really looking very toned after a week's swimming. Guess I expected my flabbiness to just dissolve away as soon as I made the resolution to start exercising. Something gives me the idea that that's not how it works, lol. A month, maybe?
I am eating better, for what it's worth. After a final splurge on my birthday, I've left my bad, chocolatey ways behind me.

The neuro's receptionist phoned me back yesterday to schedule my appointment for next Tuesday. I guess what will be will be. Not really looking forward to the screening tests, though, but I am excited about what I deem to be a step in the right direction.

I've nearly finished mastering the little Gavotte. Have to practise when Michael is not home, as he has absolutely had it with that piece of music. Understandably. It's the pits to listen to someone else practising an instrument.

Yesterday, I was musing to myself how some of my new symptoms have improved. That whole lame arm thing and difficulty swallowing has all but disappeared. Having thought that obviously caused the symptoms to do a re-appearance last night. And this morning I had a really weird experience. It was like I had this electrical sensation, or buzz in the nape of my neck. Every twelve seconds, I counted. It lasted for about 30mins to an hour. Freaked me out a bit, and I thought I was beyond the point of freaking out. Tuesday better hurry up and come fast!

Monday at last!

2007-01-08T10:00:00.000+02:00

I just spent five minutes looking for a cell-phone that was actually hanging 'round my neck. Doh!

I overslept till 8:45 because I surfed till 1am this morning. So I phoned the neurologist as soon as I woke up. Amazingly, I got to speak to him directly. He sounds very nice and on the ball. Anyway, he explained the basis of the trials to me (which I did already know from having read all the related articles).
He enquired whether I have had cortisone recently, and I told him I had, on the 20th of November. He said that they initially have to do screening, and can't do it until at least a month after me taking cortisone. Which is fine, but not if I take it now again. His receptionist is going to phone me for an appointment. I hope it is soon, as I can't hold out indefinitely without taking the medication.
He also said that I can't be over 5.5 on the disability scale if I want to partake in the trials. I explained to him that ordinarily I am safely under 5.5, but with my current relapse I'm finding it a bit harder to get around. I need to be able to walk at least 100m unaided. I can still manage this, unless I'm having an exacerbation. But they need to make that appointment soon.

The good news, is that they won't be doing invasive tests, such as lumbar punctures. The pharmaceutical company actually wanted to, but Dr said he thought it was unethical on trials. Yay for him! Otherwise I wouldn't have been interested.

So now I'm waiting for the phone-call to tell me when I should come in.

If I do get on the trials, I will be having loads of free M.R.I. scans, which would be interesting. Also, they are going to pay travel expenses of R150 each time I go to be evaluated. Please hold thumbs for me that I get on these trials. The way I understand it, the trials for safety are basically over. This is just a bigger trial so they can assess benefit and get FDA approval.

On the flipside, I have plenty of motivation to go on my juice-fast. Starting today. I have mentioned before how this delays a relapse, so better that I get to it. Then I can stretch the meds till after my evaluation, at which I apparently need to be quite perky.
Also, next Sunday is my nephew and godson's first birthday party. I would really like to be there, and able to walk, too, thank you very much.

So I wait in anticipation to hear my fate ;-)

Other than that, I will keep up my daily swimming, which can't hurt, and I'm going for another ionization detox on Friday (have to find out what the actual name is, lol)

Also, finish the Gavotte that I'm busy with on the keyboard. Not nightclub material, certainly, but as always I find myself drawn to the classics.

Secret Ambition.

2007-01-07T09:45:00.000+02:00

When I was younger, I had this secret ambition. I wanted to do a stint as a lounge pianist. You know the type of place; glamorous, dress-up bar, where patrons dance slow, smoochy numbers on the dance-floor.

I would be playing the (grand) piano on a slightly raised platform, in the smoky, subdued lighting. (This appealed, regardless of the fact that I've always really hated smoke). I'd be in a sparkly evening-dress, with my hair up and falling down in little tendrils.

Back in the days when I wondered (as any girl does) where I would meet the love-of-my-life, I imagined that it would be there.
As it turned out, it was in a smoky, dimly-lit bar, but I definitely wasn't playing the piano at the time. The evening did, however, turn out to be much more memorable than I could ever have imagined.

Back to the piano, though. Thing is, A) we certainly didn't have the kind of stylish bar/ club needed in my own home town. Anything but. And B) sadly I was light-years away from the talent needed to perform to that calibre. Or no, not lacking in talent. I had, after all, taken over a decade of classical piano lessons. I was (fairly) accomplished at Mozart, Beethoven, Bach and the likes.
But I certainly didn't have a crowd-pleasing reportoire of popular songs from the 1950's, which I suspect may have been a prerequisite. Nor did I make work of acquiring one. Same old procrastinator as always. If there wasn't an exam or recital looming, I wasn't bothered.

These days, my secret ambition goes more about being able to walk in a straight line. But I haven't completely given up the pleasant fantasy of one day playing as Time Goes By in a Casablanca-esque style bar. Play it again, Sam, indeed. I hope I get to do this one day before I die.

And just in case, I'm working on my reportoire now...

Idyllic Saturday.

2007-01-06T22:05:00.000+02:00

Had a really lovely day.

Slept latish this morning, as I had a bit of a sleep deficit thing going. Actually slept really well last night. Feel refreshed.

I have a new lease on life from the swimming. I look forward to it so much, and Michael has a hard time getting me out of the pool once I'm in. Definitely my favourite part of the day.
On Friday, I swam at my sister's house. And was treated to the sight of a beautiful little dragonfly dipping and swooping for water. Irridescent blue and green and magical-looking.

Then, on the way home today, I was transfixed by the breathtaking sunset in shades of indigo and pink. It made me experience a moment of heartfelt gratitude for the gift of sight. Ever since I started getting these recurring bouts of optic neurits, I really appreciste my eye-sight.

Finished reading Maeve Binchy's The Whitethorn Woods. I think it may be the most charming book I've ever read in my whole life.

I think I might be onto something with this ionization detox thing. I do feel a bit better, I think.

Still counting down the hours till Monday, when I can phone the neurologist and see if I can be part of the drug trials.

It's sooo hot here! Think I'll have to have a cold bath before going to sleep.

Sleepy time...

2007-01-05T22:25:00.000+02:00

I feel back to normal tonight, so I'm looking forward to a good night's sleep.

Did I have the promised energy boost? I actually reckon that I did. I didn't have a serious exacerbation (the kind where I can't bloody walk for an hour or two) today. Surprising, considering the merciless heat.
I didn't do much today, so it could be that, too, but when I had my afternoon swim I must have been in the pool for about an hour, maybe more, doing laps and water aerobics and carrying on. And I was fine afterwards, walking all right and everything. My legs are becoming much stronger in the water. At first (last week) they felt like little chicken legs, really feeble. Now I can kick fairly strongly, it feels divine, so free. Of course, lack of balance isn't really an issue in the water. It's very liberating.
I'm enjoying the swimming sooo much. Totally the highlight of my day.

I'm so hoping I can get on the drug-trials for the FTY720. But to steel myself against disappointment, I've realised that I have no control over any of it. Best case scenario, I make the trials and get the actual drug and not the placebo. But it's out of my hands, so I'll take what I get.

I do seem to be feeling a bit better today. I'm definitely going to pursue this whole ionization detox thing. For what it's worth.

Today I learnt to play half of a quaint little Gavotte. It feels so good to play again. So very therapeutic.

This heat is relentless. Wow. Predicted temperature for tomorrow is something ridiculous like 35 or 36 degrees C.

Trials

2007-01-05T13:56:00.000+02:00

I phoned my sis to tell her about the trials. She knows about them. She said her neuro was keen to put her on the trials, but said that she had a 50% chance of being in the placebo group. That is what I'm afraid of, I told her.
But you're not taking anything, anyway, she reminded me. Good point. But I'd hate not knowing which group I was in. Guess I'd have a fair idea if I started improving, and getting side-effects, hey? Mind you, a placebo would probably work on me just as well. Which might be the best thing, actually.
Guess I'll just have to wait and see if I can even get on the trials But Monday seems so far away.

The penny dropped that it definitely the detox session that caused my insomnia. I generally don't sleep well when I'm detoxing.

The practitioner said something very pleasing to me. She said that it was significant that I had come in on my birthday. Like a re-birth. I really liked that, because that kind of sh*t does it for me, lol.

My new year's resolutions for 2-doubleO-7:

Eat healthily (that is par for the course, naturally)
EXERCISE! Whatever I can manage, but I must do some form of it everyday.
Live neater.
Come to grips with the whole meditation thing.
Learn to play one new piece on the piano every week.
Oh, and to be a nicer person. I'm generally nice to people, but sometimes I add some bitchy comment in my head. And thoughts are just as important as what we say and do. Not good for the karma, you understand.

That's about it.

Some clarifying points:

I've been doing quite well on the exercise front. I've swum nearly every day this past week, and my hips are loving it! I'm sleeping so much better, because they aren't half as sore and stiff. Even though I'm currently having a relapse which tends to aggravate my hips something terrible.
Michael and I are very untidy and piggy in our flat. But it's gotten to the point where it's not cute anymore, not even to us. So I'm having a massive springcleaning session. Only bit by bit, of course, but it's starting to look better. Now we don't have to live in fear of unexpected visitors. Our 'crib' as Michael calls it, is looking quite good. Michael can be seriously cool when he feels like it.
I'm really looking forward to expanding my very meager piano reportoire.
And yes, I do believe in karma. I think bitchiness comes home to roost.

My sexy keyboard

2007-01-05T10:15:00.000+02:00

Here is a pic of myself and my new keyboard, which I am loving. Unfortunately, I'm in my jammies, no make-up etc, but doesn't that just remind you of being a kid and playing with your presents still in your pj's? Although, this photo was taken at night. I was already in my night-clothes, not still in them, lol.

How can I wait?

2007-01-05T09:56:00.000+02:00

Phoned the neurologist's office just after eight, but all I got was a recorded message saying that his office is closed until Monday the 8th. Damn, how will I hold out till then?

I'm really tired, as I only got about three hours sleep last night, and I need a lot of sleep.

No side-effects from the detox, thankfully. I was warned that I may have a headache today. I'll definitely be going again next week.

I got some really nice stuff for my birthday.
From my dad, I got a lovely Casio keyboard. When I was visiting by them the other day, I spent ages playing on their piano, and on my mom's brilliant new digital piano. and I told my dad that it was one of my new year's resolutions to play more this year. So he very thoughtfully bought me my own keyboard for our flat. How sweet was that?

From my mom, I got the back brace that has given me a virtually pain-free festive season and birthday. In addition, she got me a lovely (really nice) diary for 2007.

Michael gave me some money to fund my various detox ventures. He also took the day off work, and made my birthday special beyond imagining.

My parents-in-law gave me a voucher to spend at Kalahari.net, my favourite on-line store. And miraculously, I found a book that I've been looking for for years, discounted to the same price as the value of the voucher. Isn't that amazing?

From my sis-in-law, I got a Woolies voucher. Now that is what I call a quality present! I love Woolworths.

My aunt and cousin gave me a 14 steps to Detox book. Do they know me or what?

And of course, I was bombarded by phone-calls the whole day, which was lovely, and a whole bunch of e-mails. One of my best friends called me this morning, saying she couldn't get hold of me yesterday. We chatted for ages and caught up with each other It was so good to hear from her. And I got an e-mail from another dear friend in the UK, so it really was a special day. Also, my granddad, sister and sister-in-law phoned me last night. It's so nice to be made much of on one's birthday.

Too happy

2007-01-05T02:50:00.000+02:00

It's 3am and I just haven't been able to get to sleep.
I feel very hyped up after the excitement of the day, I think it was a bit much for me.
I feel very happy though, almost euphorically so. I feel that my life can never be as perfect as it is right now. I have so many great people in my life that I feel almost overwhelmed by it.
Fantastic parents, siblings, friends, and the best husband there ever was.

However, I don't trust a high this high. Guess it might have something to do with the detox I had. Probably stirred up some things. I'm just feeling things so keenly at the moment.

Michal told me a terrible crime-related story that he read in a newspaper just before we went to bed. I can't stop thinking about it and feel so worried about where it will all end. (The crime in this country, I mean).

Then, I can hardly wait until tomorrow morning to phone the doctor about the drug trials. I'm so psyched about it.

I feel very fidgety. Wish I could calm down and go to sleep.

Great birthday, cont...

2007-01-05T00:09:00.000+02:00

I am loving the adsl connection no end.

I'm so excited right now that I can hardly keep my bum in the seat.
I went onto the ms South Africa website, and lo and behold, there is an invitation to participate in the phase III trials of a new drug for the treatment of ms. It is taken orally (no injections, YAY!) and has shown very promising results in phases I and II of the trials. The drug is called Fingoldimod, and is reputed to reduce relapses by over 50%. It is set to become the next big thing in ms treatment.
It is a global trial, so SA is included. Tomorrow morning at 8, I will be phoning the doctor doing the trials in Jo'burg. I so hope that there will be a space for me on the trials.
Hold thumbs!!

Birthday Blog.

2007-01-04T15:24:00.000+02:00

Today is my 27th birthday. How did that happen? lol
It has coincided with the installation of our broadband connection. No more dial-up. Yay!
Yay, yay, yay!

So far I've had one fantastic birthday. I love my birthday. So nice to be the centre of attention for a day. So much love comes your way. People whom you haven't heard from in ages phone you. So nice.

Call me weird but I went for a detox thingy this morning. Using some electrical equipment, the practitioner took readings of my various organs. Not surprisingly, they are mostly way below normal. I'd have been surprised if they weren't though. I am having a relapse.
Then I had to put my feet into a basin of water with electrodes and stuff in. That's what I call trust. It has something to do with ionization, and detoxes all kinds of sh*t out of your system. She says I can expect a boost of energy tomoroow. Can't wait, ha ha.

I got some really nice gifts, but I'll post about them later. I just had to do a post on our virgin adsl connection. The first of many, I'm sure.
Now I can be a one-a-day blogger.

Happy New Year

2006-12-31T23:59:00.000+02:00

What can I say about 2006? Parts of it were great! Parts of it, not so great. Parts of it downright shitty. Just like any other year. I don’t feel much like reminiscing just now, anyway. I’m too excited about the new year. Can’t remember being this excited about a new year in a looong time.

Some things that did happen, that stick out:
My eldest sister and her husband got their long-awaited baby.
My youngest sister was diagnosed with ms.
My second eldest sister emigrated to Australia.
My aunt by marriage passed away, tragically.
My brother and his wife welcomed their third daughter into the world.
Michael’s sister and her husband welcomed their third son into the world.

Quite an eventful year, from that perspective.

My major goals for 2007:

To eat better than I did this year,
And to start and maintain a healthy exercise regime.
And to improve my heretofore precarious health levels in any way that falls within my reach.

I have made a start with the exercise. For the past three days, I have been swimming every day. I think that there is already a difference in my hips. I have great hope as far as this is concerned.

It is nearly midnight. About fifteen minutes till the new year. And I have pigged out till the bitter end. Tomorrow starts my year of eating as healthily as I can. Mainly, I want to cut out gluten, sugar and saturated- and trans-fats. Also preservative and additives. But basically, I just want to focus on putting quality food in my mouth. I don’t want to pursue a restrictive and unreasonable diet. Just one that is healthy while at the same time being ‘livable’.

I ended up not taking medication for my relapse over Christmas. And though I don’t want to say it out loud, I’m actually feeling all right. Very glad I didn’t get treatment yet. Maybe I can even eke it out for another month. Here’s to hoping.
So while I have to take it easy, and not overdo things, I’m not feeling too bad. Dare I say that it’s a sign for a very good year?
Happy 2007 everyone. I think it’s going to be a good one.

The good life

2006-12-17T12:36:00.000+02:00

I've got music,
I've got rythym,
I've got my guy -
who could ask for anything more?

Gershwin

Anyone who reads this blog of mine should be getting used to my ups and downs. I'm not, though, it still catches me unawares, even when I take medication that I know makes me depressed. Slow learning curve, I guess.

My back is finally feeling a bit better. I caan live with it like this. The brace must be helping. I;ve also decided to start exercising before the whole works falls apart. So I'm going to start swimming again. I've avoided it for the last three years because of the chlorine in the water, which upsets my ms-symptoms. But I find it a lot more upsetting not being able to sleep at night from the severe pain in my back, so I think the chloring is the lesser of the two evils.
My parents have a salt-water chlorinator in their pool, which I reckon is my best bet. Now that I've decided that I'm going to start swimming I'm so excited I hardly know what to do with myself. I love swimming. It is my absolute favourite. Can't wait for this afternoon.

I'm going to investigate the exercises that fall within my abilities and make a plan. I'm not good at living with pain.

My parents invited us out this morning to have breakfast with them atmy favourite new restaurant. There was a lovely breakfast-buffet to choose from. So lovely, in fact, that I didn't even have to go off my healthy eating plan. I had a simply delicious fruit salad. really, really good.

I'm on day 6 of my new, improved diet. And feeling much better for it, too. I decided that I may boycott Christmas dinner this year, as I wanted to go on a juice-fast. Well, not wanted to - had to. It is the only thing that stops a relapse. Well, slows it down, anyway. Noticably. So it was either juice-fast for Christmas, or spend Christmas in hospital, mainlining cortisone. Surisingly enough, I opted for the juice.
The thing is, I was feeling crap. Of course everyone says to me, oh, but you look good. But they don't know what's going on behind the scenes.
Optic neuritis, which comes and goes in severity and generally freaks me out, because it leads to loss of vision, fatigue, ataxia (difficultity in walking) loss of strength and co-ordination in arms, heat-sensitivity blah, blah, blah.
But the other night, I lay in bed, fighting off the pain to try to get to sleep, when I thought I was having a mild anxiety attack. From the way I've heard it describe, this is what I thought it must be. The pain wasn't helping, of course.
Then I thought to myself, "You know, you don't really do anxiety."
This is mostly true, even under extreme provocation.
Then I realised it was an ms thing. I can't describe it for the life of me, though I have tried. It happens every night, sometimes more severly than other times.
It starts with like a whole-bode 'restless leg syndrome' feeling. I feell very weird inside my body, spaced out, and heart feels like its skipping beats. When I try and lift my arms, they feel like jelly. In fact, that is what triggers the rest of the feeling, lift, or moving my arms. So obviously I try not to do that.

Anyway, since I've been eating better, I've been feeling generally better, (Surprise, surprise). So I think I may postpone the fasting till after Christmas, and hopefully after my birthday, on the 4th of Jan. Still, I'll take it day by day. All I know is that it is helping enormously that I'm not in so much pain anymore. The back brace does seem to be helping.

Michael has ordered our ADSL line, so no more dial-up for us, shortly. Means I'll be able to update my blog every day. Now that will be nice.

Back Blog

2006-12-15T12:37:00.000+02:00

As if i ever write about anything else, lol.
I got my back brace, or guard, or whatever you call it.
So far, I'm optimistic about it. I don't wear it the whole time, as that will weaken the muscles and be counter productive. But like I said, seems to be helping. My mom was kind enough to buy it for me as an early birthday present. Not that exciting, she apologised, but I said that I find the idea of a pain-free Christmas very exciting indeed.

My life has been a tad sucky this week. As if I don't have enough on my plate, I've gone and injured two of my ribs at the back. Stabbing pain every time I breathe in. The chiropractor fixed it, but less than two hours later, it was out again. See - sucky.

I've decided, however, to go back in denial.
I was in denial for a long time, and since I've faced up to 'reality' (very over-rated) I'be been nothing but miserable. Hence, I've crossed back over into denial. What's wrong with that, anyway? People always say it like it's a bad thing.
So now I once again belive I will get better, live happily ever after and children by the dozen.
I think I'm a bi easier ot live with as a result. Much miore peppy.
To my way of thinking, it can't hurt. Much better for me to be thinking positive thoughts, and feeling happy, than to sit and feel sorry for myself about the inevitabilty of it all!
I have detailed fantasies where I am completely recovered. Able to walk normally, run, jump and dance. Wonderful. I can spend ages living in this fantasy world, because it makes me happy. What harm?

People must make up their minds. They accuse you of living in denial, not facing up to things, while simultaneously admonishing you to have faith, don't give up hope.

And, I've started eating properly again. I stuff my face with rubbish when I'm feeling miserable. But now I feel encouraged to feed myself the best, most nutricious foods that I can. Today is day 4. Yay for me! Didn't even join the others for pancakes at lunch.

Blog of the day.

2006-12-06T22:59:00.000+02:00

The session at the chiropractor’s went quite well. Bad news, though. He might be leaving SA to go and work overseas. Bummer. Who’s going to ram my hip back into its joint every second month?
When I got into his office, he asked of me, “Same procedure as last time, Miss Sophie?”
To which I replied, “Same procedure as every year, James.”
(These are lines out of Dinner For One, for those of you unfortunate enough not to have seen it).
After that little repartee, I clambered up onto the bench. The thing I hate about chiropractics, is that parts of it are quite nice. You get massaged with a large electric massager. Then just when you are nice and relaxed, and your pressure points zinging, you have to lie on your side in fetal position, and take a deep breath. On the exhale, the practitioner, using his weight as leverage, crunches your hip bones into an alignment more pleasing to him. Then you have muscular pain for at least two days afterwards, as your muscles get used to their new placement. And I pay for this!
I’m thinking I’d better get myself (by hook or by crook) some sort of back brace, to keep the fecker in its joint. I know you get special ones for sacro-illiac problems. Where to find one though? Every time I stand up, just about, I can hear all sorts of uncalled-for clicking going on in my back. I’m starting to get the idea that I’m throwing good money after bad, going to the chiro. And I’m not yet ready for a screw. (A titanium screw, surgically implanted to keep my hip in place, that is, for those of you wallowing in the gutter).

My little niece (10) is getting so aware of fashion. It’s just adorable. And she knows what she wants! Bright colours, and plenty of bling. I’ve promised her a halter neck top (one of those ones that go ‘round your neck, as she described it to me). She’s already scouted one out at Foschini’s Kids. Can’t wait for her and I to go and buy it. She’s so darling. Definitely think of her as the daughter I never had. (Don’t tense up, I’m not going to use the opportunity to start bellyaching again about baby-stuff).

About that though, I had a re-think about my blog and packing out on it. Thing is, I need to pack out, that’s the way I’m programmed. And far better to pack out on my blog, than to a real, unfortunate person. I mean, I’m not forcing anybody to read my blog. Not like in real life, where they’re a captive audience for my tale of woe. In real life, you can’t hit that delicious exit button.
I’m not really a diary-keeping type of person. Not for want of trying. It appeals to the romantic side of me. But I could never sustain one for any length of time. Until the blog thing got me in its grip. I LOVE posting on my blog. Love reading blogs, too. I’m ashamed to say that I get a voyeuristic little thrill out of it.
But I’ve really been flabbergasted by the healing powers of posting stuff that is bothering me on the net. It’s even BETTER than offloading to a real person. Can’t understand it. Don’t want to understand it, just know that it works. Who needs psychotherapy when you have a BLOG? Anyway, the one time I went to see a councilor, she hardly said a word. She didn’t get a chance. I’d barely been introduced, when I sat down on her couch and bawled, gulping out bits of what was bothering me in between sobs. When the time was up, I felt loads better, blew my nose, smiled goodbye, and off I went. (She’s a lovely person, I’ve stayed in touch with her).
So obviously all I need is just to get whatever’s troubling me off my chest, and I’m good to go.
When everything is going well with me, I hardly go near my blog. As soon as there’s trouble, however, I’m at the computer as fast as my legs (and sacro-illiac joint) can carry me. I have no intention of stopping, either. I felt a bit shy of how boring my blog must be, when all I ever talk about is MS. Then it occurred to me: WHO CARES? No-one is being forced to read. And it’s not like I’m trying to win the Nobel Prize for Literature. I’ve met some great people, I feel better, what more do I need? And best of all: IT’S FREE.

Let me just finish this post by saying how much I love Marion Keyes. I’m reading her new book ANYBODY OUT THERE? for the second time. I think she’s the best writer ever, I want to BE her.
What’s strange, though, is that there are a lot of people that don’t like her. Obviously a lot that do, because she’s a bestselling author. But how can anyone not like her writing? It’s brilliant. Humourous and very insightful and touching, all in one go. I’d give my eye-teeth to write a book like any of hers. (Not my back molars, as I no longer have them. Long story).
Still, viva la difference! People can read, or not read, whatever they like.
I really like Chick Lit. But only the very good ones, like Helen Fielding (Bridget Jones), Cecilia Ahern (PS I Love You), anything by Carole Matthews and of course, Marion. Also loved Alison Pearson’s I don’t know how she does it. Don’t give me chick-lit written by a guy, though. What do they know? Chancers.
I have read a couple of more heavy-weight books in my life. Gone With the Wind remains up on a pedestal for me, and I did slog my way through The Fountainhead, and Pride and Prejudice (which was the chick-lit of its day, mind you). So I’m not a total flake. Even though I do love historical romance, from time to time. Okay, I’ll concede that point, maybe I am a bit flaky. Still, nothing wrong with that. It’s my favourite chocolate.
That was lame, sorry.But I’m not afraid to say Chick-lit ROCKS. I’m not one for academic, brainiac thrillers. I want to have a giggle and a good cry, is that too much to ask?

Baaaa.

2006-12-03T15:13:00.000+02:00

I'm feeling back to my old, no-nonsense self. And as such, I am feeling increasingly sheepish about the way I've been acting the past week. Like, boo-hoo, everybody feel sorry for me. Cringe.

Less than 48 hours to go till I get to see the chiropractor. And with each minute that passes, bringing me closer to the appointment, the pain recedes a little more. Ty-pic-al! However, there is no way that I'm cancelling that appointment.
That is probably the main reason that I'm feeling more sane and more civil. The fact that I'm not is such constant pain. It does tend to help.

I got a lovely surprise yesterday. Michael's aunt and cousin sent me beautiful flowers, with a lovely card. So very thoughtful and sweet of them. Really made my day. They (the flowers) arrived in the most charming pot. I'm ordinarily not that much of a flowers girl, but the pot was filled with rose-buds, which I absolutely love. I never even knew how much I loved them, but when I saw these, my toes just curled from pleasure. It's so nice to have such lovely people in my life.

My friend, Donna, who I think is just great has the most marvellous Christmas Project on the go. Please follow the link and go check it out and support her. http://donna.innereyes.com/2006/12/02/pay-it-forward/

Proudly Safrican

2006-12-03T11:25:00.000+02:00

I love the South African Flag.
It's got to be the funkiest, most distinctive flag in the world.

I went onto PayPal's website, and was looking for SA on the list of countries they service. When my eye caught our flag, I nearly gave a yelp of delight. It stood out from the other, boring flags and I felt a rush of patriotism.

I want to order something from the States. I've been meaning to do so for ages, but I've been buggering around with it. I want to order a proteolytic enzyme by the name of Serrapeptase. It's actually not expensive, only $15 plus shipping. It's not prescription meds, or anything. More like a supplement. Originally derived from silkworms, it is the enzyme they use to 'melt' their cocoons when they metamorph into moths. The enzyme doesn't harm living tissue, just the dead matter of the cocoon.
There has been some success with ms, using this enzyme, as it breaks down the dead, scar tissue of the brain-lesions, thus allowing new tissue to grow, and hopefully retracing the steps a bit. Reversing disabilty, even, if you are lucky. Certainly worth a try, as it is a natural product and contains no adverse side-effects.

Count me in. Natural = good, in my book.

That reminds of an ad I saw in the junkmail. "Lose weight the way nature intended", it read. And then underneath, in smaller print, "Only one injection per day... all natural ingredients...blah blah..."
What a joke.
The way nature intended, surely, is to eat less McDonalds, more salads, and to occasionally get off your bum and do some exercise. Not that I have done any exercise whatsoever in the past four years. And it shows. I'm not overweight, as such, but terribly out of shape. I really need to tone up. Chance would be a fine thing, if my hips would just give me a gap. (Now that's what I'd call a cast-iron alibi). Guess I could eat less though...? Naaaaa.

Saturday night...live.

2006-12-02T21:46:00.000+02:00

The party was very nice. I think my dad enjoyed his birthday. He is looking relly good for 64. Obviously I have really fantastic genes.

(For the record, I very much doubt that my genes have anything whatsoever to do with me being sick. I am convinced that I am sick because of the property I grew up on, which was polluted by mining activity in the area. Why do I think this? Only because no less than 3 people have been diagnosed with MS in the same area, way less than a kilometer in radius. I think your chances of having MS are one in a million, yet three people on one farm hit the jackpot. Doesn't that sound a bit fishy? I think I should mention it to the ms SA society. They might be interested in investigating for ms research purposes. Where is Erin Brokovich when you need her?

I loved visiting with my sisters and mom today. Had a really great time. Also, I exhibited willpower that I didn't know I possessed! I declined some assorted Nestlé chocs. Those irresistable ones that are miniature versions of Aeros, Rolos, Texes, Peppermint Crisps, etc. Adorable. Then I passed on the delicious choc birthday cake, and later, at my parents-in-law's house, my all-time favourite, Lammingtons. If I could do that, then I'm obviously invincible. Yay.

Actually, though, it's not really supreme willpower at all. It's plain, good old-fashioned fear that is making me such a good girl. Thing is, my arm is going lame (brand, spanking new symptom). And you know how I said I have to start focusing on what I can do to help me? Well, eating well is the very least I can do. And that means cutting sugar out, before I turn into a diabetic, a serious risk for cortisone junkies such as myself. Seriously, it's listed as one of the side-effects of the medicine. And if I really am gearing up to take a whopping dose, better that I respect that.

My hip is feeling better. Or slightly less screwed, anyway. I'm still counting down the hours till I can see my chiropractor, though. Good people, chiropractors. Should have married one, if I knew what was good for me. Only kidding. Why would you want to put up with a man's sh*t just because he can put your hip back in its socket, when you can pay someone to do it. Crazy idea that.

Can't wait for my order of goodies to arrive. Two books, a Maeve Binchy and a Cecelia Ahern. Two of my favourite authors. They are both Irish. I love Irish writers, Marian Keyes being my favourite.

Then there's two cd's, the soundtrack to Carousel, which is my grandparents' Christmas gift. Also a cheap 60's hits cd, which I bought for Del Shannon's Runaway, which I have developed a little obsession about. Can't wait.

I'm a lot less stressed than I was, thank goodness. I kept clenching my hands into fists the whole time, which I've noticed has stopped. It's a ms thing. My fingers are numb, and that's why I clench them. Just to feel something.

I asked Michael to take some photo's of me, because I wanted to update my user-pic, in honour of updating my blog to the new, improved blogger. So he took the photo's, with me draped over the couch. I had to laugh when I saw them. Thank goodness I never got it into my head to become a model. I've never seen such spastic poses before in my life. Michael took some at a very low angle and I dropped my head just about onto my chest. Which he said was a mistake as it gave me a distinct double-chin. But I looked like I was having a good time, so I included them for a laugh.

Yeah, I'm feeling better alright...

2006-12-01T21:21:00.000+02:00

Thank heavens that I am quite an emotionally robust person.
It would just have been too much to bear if I was physically a mess, and not emotionally resilient enough to cope with it. Let’s be grateful for small mercies here.
I certainly have my moments (such as this whole week, come to think of it), but generally I can cope with it all. With a little help from my friends.
(Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends…)

I’m feeling very determined at the moment. I may be going down but it certainly won’t be without a fight. There is a lot I can do to help myself, and it’s time I started focusing on that.

I had a think about the little temper tantrum I threw a couple of days ago, right here on my blog, where I performed about people in my life expecting too much from me. I think I’d better qualify that remark. Truth is, most of the people in my life are incredibly understanding and undemanding of me. Sorry to say, the main culprit here is…me! I need to learn to say ‘no’ to myself. I’m the one that expects too much of myself. I’m the one that expends energy I don’t have. I should wake up and smell the coffee.

I love having a blog to misbehave on. I would never act in real life the way I have been lately on ze blog. I do feel a bit cringey about things that I aired, but hey, it was worth it. Much better to offload onto cyberspace than to lower the tone for everyone who has the misfortune to speak to me on a ‘down’day. Yay for the internet.
On the other hand though, I can’t remember who all I’ve given this link to. I gave it out willy-nilly, before I got comfortable enough to say things that ordinarily I’d keep to myself. Sooo, I may have to do a runner, and move to a more secluded spot in virtual reality, where I can rant and rave to my heart’s content, and not have to worry that everyone in my life is potentially reading all this crap that I’ve been posting when I feel hard done by.

About the baby issue, thank you to Heidi for her comment. It makes me just want to grab the bull by the horns (metaphorically) and get pregnant. I’m sooo tempted. Like, really. I’m keen. I want two little girls just like you, Heidi, and to go into remission. If only I had the guts…

BTW, my hips are feeling the teensiest bit better. Probably because I did less than nothing today. If I can just make it till Tuesday, when the lovely chiropractor will put my hip back in its joint…Tomorrow is my dear daddy’s birthday. Most of my family will be there. Should be a lot of fun.

Better, can it be?

2006-11-30T20:08:00.000+02:00

I am officially feeling better after yesterday's complete and utter meltdown. Yikes!

The physical pain in my back is, if anything, worse, but at least I've got a grip on my emotions, and the little pity-party I was throwing, everybody invited.
Personally, I prefer emotional pain, because I tend to get over it faster. Physical is a different kettle of fish. I can't work out whether I have a really low pain-threshhold, or if this is really some serious pain I'm dealing with, ut either way, I'm in AGONY. And the earliest I can see the chiropractor is on Tuesday. How will I make it till then? Good grief. I feel like going to the vet and being put out of my misery! They can tell the kids I went to live on a nice farm, ha ha.
Sorry, that was facetious, I know.

Serves me right, anyway. I haven't been doing my special exercises for at least two weeks. That is just asking for trouble. Still I did have a relapse, and did have to take cortisone so cut me some slack, will ya? Even a fistful of Myprodols doesn't ease the pain. I know this from past experience. The doctors gave me veritable cocktail of painkillers last time with absolutely no result. I'm trying my hardest not to have hip-replacement at age 26 fantasies. Although I'm nearly 27, that's MUCH better. Not.
Enough about my hips already.

I'm bored with the relapse already. Which is good, because it's hard to be emotional about something you feel bored with. Yawn. I decided I'm just going to take things easy for a while, eat well (or better than I have been, at any rate) and if the dose of cortisone I had really isn't going to help, then I'll go to hospital and take a larger dose. What else can I bloody well do? Flippin' hell!
On the plus side, my eyes seem to be doing better. Less flashing purple lights and pain in my eye-balls. I must admit to liking that. A lot.
In honour of the improvement, I've ordered myself two books. Also two cd's. All on discount, no less.
You know, I feel a lot happier since I did that. Don't ever tell me retail therapy doesn't work.

Oh, and thanks so very much for the supportive comments on my post yesterday. I cried when I read them, but they made me feel a lot better.

Cross Blog.

2006-11-29T23:23:00.000+02:00

I thought I’d continue where I left off and complete my last post, in honour of our PC being fixed. (My previous post was a very rushed affair on the office PC while waiting for Michael to finish his lunch).

I still had quite a bit to say, but was cut short when he wanted to leave.
The pain is verging on excruciating. Best that I book an appointment at the chiropractor.
In mid-December, I will have had this pain for a year. It comes and goes (well, it doesn’t quite go, but I’m sure you follow), but if I do anything remotely physical it gets aggravated.

I had my hair cut, finally. I quite like it. Quite a bit shorter. It’s a kind of whimsical, pixie-ish look. A bit shaggy. (Just call me Shaggy Maggie).

I had a good cry when I got home. So much for crying not helping, because I feel a lot better. The thing is, I always thought I’d beat this disease. Now I’m not so sure at all. And they say it’s a scary thing when you lose hope. I can feel my hope disintegrating, like mist before the sun.
And I feel really angry, at the route my life has taken.
I can’t remember feeling angry like this before, but I think that’s because I never advanced to acceptance, which I reckon comes before anger, in the psychological pattern of disease and loss.
So yeah, I feel relatively de moer in.

I do still have a tiny kernel of hope that refuses to die, however. It’s the die-hard kind of hope, I can tell. And I know it will be with me till the end of time. It even has a couple of ideas for me to try out, which I no doubt will. Maybe tomorrow though. Today I couldn’t give a damn.

Something that has surfaced once again, is my desperate want for a baby. It’s not really something that I allow myself to think about, but these last couple of days I couldn’t help it. I desperately, DESPERATELY want a child. I know Michael and I would make a gorgeous baby, and I know we’d be the best of parents. I know it! I’d make a good mommy, and he would make a splendid dad. I have tears rolling down my face as I write this. We have so much love to give.
It’s not an option at the moment, and perhaps it will never be. It’s the first time I can really face up to that. It would be a superbly selfish thing to do. The aggressive medicine that I have to take so regularly would put a little fetus in grave danger. And if I didn’t take the meds, it would put me in danger.
I don’t discuss this with anybody, because people make well-meaning but very unhelpful comments. Most people don’t seem to get it. There does seem to be a trend that pregnancy is helpful to ms, but not necessarily in the first trimester, and that is when it would be most dangerous for me to take medicine. And one can look forward to a whopping relapse post-partum. I just can’t bring myself to so blithely stick my head in the sand and do it.

And while I’m off-loading can I just add how tired I am of people staring at me in town because I walk awkwardly. I’m battling so at the moment anyway that I think I’ll start using my walker again. That way, people can see that I’m not drunk, just actually really having a hard time. Maybe I could even put a friendly sign on, like the one Michael gives to other drivers when they annoy him. And if they wanna road-rage me for that, maybe I’ll pick up my walker and wallop them over the head with it.
(Only kidding, but that image did cheer me up a bit).

I hate being so physically limited. I’ve never been a sit-on-the-side-lines type. I really wanted to do the Argus cycle race with my dad, long before I met Michael. And Michael makes a big deal out of the Argus, and his training. How I would have loved to do it with him. Before I got sick, we used to go cycling together, and always had a lot of fun. We’d sing Bohemian Rhapsody together and can ourselves laughing. I’m really competitive, and would have tried to beat his time, I know myself. He’s a man, and stronger, so that would have given him the advantage, but I’m nearly nine years younger than he is, so that would have given me the advantage, evening things up.
Plus, I’m scaly. I would have gotten an exercise bike and practiced secretly at home, ha ha.
Now we’ll never know, and never get to do it together, all because of this blasted disease.

I’m tired of acting normal so people will treat me normal. I can’t keep it up any longer. It’s too hard. People don’t realize what an effort a lot of things are for me. I’m not going to keep up a brave front anymore. I’m just going to say ‘no’. And I wont bother explaining why either. I’m tired of explaining. And if people get huffy with me about it, then that’s just too damn bad. And heaven help the next able-bodied person I see using a disabled parking spot. I hope it happens while I’m still feeling so angry.

Even though I feel so angry, I still have a stray tear rolling annoyingly down my cheek every so often. It’s been a very emotional couple of days for me, and I’m not a fan of keeping things in. I don’t actually think I know how to keep things in. Happy or sad, I need to share it with other people.

I wonder what are the chances of Michael taking me out to eat tonight? That’s bound to cheer me up a bit.

Later……

We didn’t go eating out. Poor Michael feels sick. He has a sore throat and a head cold.
I’m feeling a little better. Not singing and dancing for joy, but definitely somewhat improved.Formulating plans to get myself out of this rut, which is a good sign. Means I may even be out of the doldrums by tomorrow.

Spoke too soon, dammit...!

2006-11-29T13:18:00.000+02:00

Wow, I'm agony as I sit here typing. My back is really killing me.

The weekend was very draining, physically and emotionally. We went to the funeral, and it was very sad. Also we drove over 1000km in just two days which was exhausting.

I can't say that the cortisone has helped me much. If anything, I feel worse. I am being plagued by Uhtoff syndrome again, which is where hot weather increases all ms symptoms ten-fold. Not much fun, as we seem to be experiencing a heat-wave.

Don't know what the next step will be in my treatment. The ABC drugs don't seem to work for me. What they do do is make my life lack any sort of quality. Don't want to go that route again!
I'll have to up the dosage of the cortisone again.
If that doesn't work, it'll probably have to be aggressive chemotherapy drugs.
Or plasmapheresis, which is where they take out some of your blood, fiddle with it (remove the anti-body containing plasma) and then put it back in. It's still pretty controversial as a treatment for ms. I don't know much about it.

I'm very annoyed at the low quality content of my life at the moment. And people don't seem to understand the overwhelming effort it takes for me to go anywhere/ do anything.
I guess you could say I feel a bit low.
Especially the pain is really wearing me down.
Not really worth crying about, as what will it help.

At least I have a very supportive husband, don't know what I'd do without him.

I think I'll order a (large) parcel from Kalahari to cheer me up a bit.
Why does life have to be so hard sometimes?
And why can't life be fair? I've never understood that one.

Feeling better - yay!

2006-11-24T12:34:00.000+02:00

Oh, I feel so much better today. See, I knew it would pass. The cloud has lifted.

I started feeling better yesterday afternoon. I watched a favourite, old musical of mine, and afterwards my sweet, sweert hubby took me out to eat. Bless him, he knows how that perks me up. We went to a restaurant we haven't been to before, and I had the most divine vegetable platter of my life. Such quality food, they'll definitely be seeing me again.

My symptoms are feeling a little better. Even my eye, which is great. Seems like the cortisone stopped the relapse. That was the reason that I fasted for 5 days, to clear out the backlog of meds in my system, so that it would be more effective. It just makes sense that if you take a lot of the meds and there's a whole lot lying about in your body, your body will start getting used to it and it won't be as effective anymore.
It seems like it worked, anyway. I'll do a five day fast every time I need to take the meds, if necessary.
But it's early days yet. I'll have to see how effective the meds will be, and also how long the effect will last.

I've got a grip on myself as far as my lack of independene is concerned. Yesterday, it was driving me up the wall, today it just doesn't seem so very important. I can do the things I really want to do, and I'll take that for now.
Also, my distiller, which was making really disgusting water, seems to have pulled itself together!

Life is approaching its previously pretty-damn-good state once again.

Remind me of this the next time I have to take IV steroids and feel like the world is crashing down around me.

Not a week that I will look back on...

2006-11-23T12:52:00.000+02:00

...with fond memories.

I went for my 1g cortisone drip on Monday evening. I've been feeling sh*tty ever since. Today is my first day back at the office. I really feel spectacularly crap, but seeing as I will feel this way at home, too, I may as well be here and earn some money. I'm not one that can sleep during the day, never could, so may as well go for broke.

The ms symptoms are slightly better already, despite my concerns that my body is growing used to the meds. My left eye is still giving me a lot of trouble, but hopefully will improve.

Some very sad news today, is that Michael's aunt passed away, after a lengthy period of suffering. She was such a courageous lady and a very, very nice person, who will be sadly missed.

I felt so depressed yesterday. I know it's because of the meds, and will pass, but in the meantime, it's not much fun. Add to the that my half blind left eye, the pain in my hips, which has retuned, and the general fatigue, I'm not exactly what you'd call the life and soul of the party, lol.

Luckily I wasn't able to post an entry yesterday, because it would have been the most self-pitying drivel ever.

I can feel I'm getting stronger and better now. Hopefully I'll soon be back to my old self again.

Update

2006-11-20T13:07:00.000+02:00

I managed to finish six days of fasting. I'm very pleased with that actually. The reason I stopped was because the toxins were starting to be released into my bloodstream too quickly, and I did not feel well. Next time should go better, though.

Unfortunately, I'm experiencing some bad ms symptoms. Guess I'll have to go for treatment soon, which is a bugger. It's barely been a month since the last time! I would love to stretch it to the 8th of December, at least, but I don't know if I will be able to.

Day 4, can you believe it?

2006-11-11T14:58:00.000+02:00

Okay, so I said I'd quit at day 3, but I changed my mind.

Thing is, one really has to psyche oneself up to go on a fast, and I'm now past the half-way mark (if I manage 7 days), so thought I'd go on.

Plus, sometimes it just isn't convenient to fast. Like last month we had our holiday, and there is just no way I'll fast on a holiday.

Also, this fast is going much better than previous fasts of mine did. I have no light-headedness, which plagued me previous. Actually, I feel quite good. Went with my hubby to the WIMPY this morning. He cycled 95km, so I reckon he really deserved it. As for me, I had a bottle of water. It's not that I'm a total martyr - you just reach a stage on a fast where it isn't an option to want a fried, farmer's breakfast. Besides, I'm mostly vegetarian. It really didn't bug me.

I nearly caved in on day 2, when I had the back pain (unrelated to the fast).

Then, day 3 was okay. I went to visit my mom yesterday afternoon. Was thinking of breaking the fast that afternoon at 6pm, thus completing 3 days. But I managed to hold out, thanks to the good advice of my mentor, Paul Bragg. He writed in his book that one just has to grin and bear it. That he never said fasting was easy.
You're telling me! It's the boredom that's the worst. Did you ever realise how much entertainment is in food and eating? That is what is wrong with society today. We eat for fun and entertainment, not to be healthy and provide our bodies with good fuel.

Paul goes on to say that there are times on a fast where you don't feel so good, when the toxins are pouring out of your system. But the best is to lie down for a while, and it will pass.
And he's right! Iy does pass. I'm glad I found that out, otherwise I would have quit already.

So, here I am, nearly finished my fourth day of fasting. Or at least I will be, 6pm. I do so hope that I make it to 7 days.

Day 2

2006-11-09T10:53:00.000+02:00

I've decided to only fast for 3 days, as I need to work every day next week as my cousin in going on holiday for a week, so I'll need a bit of stamina. The week after, however, I only work the Monday, and she will work in for me. So I can use the time to get a slightly longer fast in, and also keep up with my cleansing diet this week. The results of the fast are just so much better if one prepares for it. So no omelettes this week! And no chocolates etc.

Yesterday went well. So well, in fact, that I totally overdid things (went shopping on my own) and suffered for it last night. I barely slept from the pain in my back and legs, and when I did sleep, I had horrible dreams! Really horrible. But today I indtend taking it ultra calm, so hopefully things will go better tonight.

Start of Fast

2006-11-08T13:32:00.000+02:00

I delayed the start of my fast till today, as I wanted to eat a cleansing, pre-fast diet for at least two days prior to going on the fast. Which I did. That alone has already helped my eyes tremendously. I'm quite excited about this. Can't wait to see the results. Excuse the pun. I'll update again at a later stage on my progress.

I'm also going to see a biokineticist to sort my hip out for once and all. Don't know why it's taken me so long, actually.

Sunday. You can make an omelette without breaking legs!

2006-11-05T19:17:00.000+02:00

Tonight I got it into my head to make omelettes for supper. I love omelettes. One of my favourites to order when we go eating out. But here's the thing: I've never made one before. Not that I can remember, anyway. How hard can it be though, right?

Michael obviously liked the idea too because he was very game to go to our local Kwik-Spar to get the eggs. Except he came back with all the ingredients, (including some Jungle Oats bars for me, and some Coke and ice-cream for him) except the eggs. So back he went, this time returning with free-range eggs as specified by me.

I, in the meantime, popped online and did a search for Basic Omelette Recipe. Did a quick scan of them, nodding my head. Not too difficult. Only, I don't have a non-stick frying pan or plastic spatula. Still, too late now. Michael being en-route with the eggs and expecting omelettes.

Wonder of wonders, the omelettes didn't turn out too badly. They were bloody hard to flip over, given that I don't possess non-stick pan/ plastic spatula. So regular pan and metal spoon and egg-lifter had to suffice. I guess that's how they did them in the days before the marvel of teflon.
Luckily, with all the fillings (tomato, green-pepper and mushrooms, cheese, and ham for Michael's) it disguised wuite well that they were a bit torn, especially once I grated some cheese on top of them.

The verdict: Pretty good. Michael said perhaps the best omelette he's had. I have to agree with him that it wasn't too bad for my first stab at an omelette.

Note: Not all my cooking experiments turn out as well. Some cause a lot of tears and swearing. Especially by Michael who has to eat them. LOL. Only kidding, he is very gracious.

Omelettes are very French in origin. Apparently they eat them as a light meal, with a salad and a glass of wine. I like the sound of that. (Not the wine, I hate wine). Michael too. We're going to stop snacking on junk, and start celebrating the light-meal. I'm mostly vegetarian, but I like eggs. And I love omelettes. Good source of protein, too, which the vegetarian is conscious of.

I'm worried about my eyes. I've lost quite a bit of vision in my left eye. The only reason I'm not freaking out, is because that's my weaker eye as it is. I'm worried about the fact that the cortisone didn't seem to help with the optic neuritis. Very worrying indeed. I'll probably have to go for a larger dose of IV cortisone if this doesn't clear up soon. Damn.
My walking, however, if better than it's been in more than a year. My parents are commenting on it whenever I see them. I love that. Of course, they cheered me on when I learnt to walk the first time round, and here they are still cheering me on. I'm so blessed to have them.

Post holiday post.

2006-11-01T20:34:00.000+02:00

Long overdue for an update, I know.

The holiday was great. Too short of course, but great, nevertheless.
It was so much fun having the family with us. We had three flats between us, so we all had our privacy, and freedom to do what we wanted, when we wanted. But we still ended up spending loads of time together. It is a holiday I will always remember very fondly.

The only thing that plagued me a little was my eyes, which have gone all optical neuritisey on me again. And my hips were sore, so I couldn’t walk on the beach as much as I would have liked, but I sure didn’t let it spoil my stay there.
I ate like a pig; had plenty of waffles and fast-food, which was nice in its place. But I was more than ready to go back onto my healthy eating plan when I got home.

Actually, I don’t know why I’ve been buggering around so. I know that eating properly, and fasting routinely will improve my health greatly. So I’ve committed to stay on it now, and be a good girl. I’m going on a fast this coming week. I will take it one day at a time, but hope to achieve 7 – 10 days, as recommended by Paul Bragg, fasting guru and my own personal role-model. I look forward to experiencing the results.

I’m also completely committed to rehabilitating my poor sacro-illiac joint. I’ll do whatever it takes, really. It’s been nearly a year of pain and discomfort, and I’ve had enough. I’m planning on going to my chiropractor again, a physiotherapist and a biokineticist. Also for a long-overdue x-ray. I intend buying a book on Pilates, and attending classes if I have to, but I will get this right!

My cousin lent me a very good book on Pilates, incorporating ‘chi’ principles, in a kind of ‘east meets west’ approach. It is really well-written. I never really knew the difference between ‘abdominal breathing’, ‘chest breathing’, and ‘thoracic breathing’. But this book explains it so well, with the aid of simple exercises and visualization techniques so that anybody can understand it. Brilliant.Also illustrates very succinctly the location of the pelvic floor muscles and the ‘core’ muscles. I know this applies strongly to me, because apart from having abominable pelvic muscles (read: bladder control), my core muscles (as a result of the MS) have gotten very slack. Now, the core is a band of muscles that go around the lower, or lumbar’ back, protecting it from injury. So, in conjunction with having used a walking aid for some months, the slack ‘core’ muscles have not been doing my back/ hips any favours. No wonder I have problems. But at least now I can do something constructive about it, knowing what the cause is.

Sunday evening reflections.

2006-10-15T19:13:00.000+02:00

Our little garden is looking so pretty. It is tiny, but it's just so good to have, living in a flat. Every human person needs a bit of garden. Some greenery and maybe even a flower or two. I would just never be able to live in a high-rise apartment block with no garden.
We have two rose bushes which are busy furiously blooming. A soft peachy coloured one, and a candy pink one that is flowering in little clusters. I forget the exact term, but I think it's called tea-posies, or something like that. Very cute.
We also have a French Lavender bush, and some nasturtiums. I was sitting out there now, in the twilight, watching the bats circling about and just feeling very peaceful. I do love Summer evenings.

Our rowdy neighbours have buggered off. Their curtains are still up, so I don't know exactly what they're up to. I think they may have done a runner in the night, to get out of paying the rent. We can only hope!
But no sooner had peace been restored, than the guy opposite us had a maahssive fluorescent light installed uner his carport. It shines directly into our bedrrom window at night. What the hell?!
But we are just so loathe to move. Apart from the massive effort involved, where will we possibly find another flat without mosquitos? For some reason, this is a no-mosquito zone. We sleep with our windows open, no screens, and haven't had a mosquito here in five years. Well, not more than two, definitely, lol. It's fantastic. Virtually no flies, either.
Also, I actually like living in a flat-dwelling community. Even though the other residents get on our nerves sometimes, it's nice having people around you. I like it.

Went to see my granddad for his birthday today. He was so pleased with his CD. I can't help wondering how many birthdays I will still be able to share with him and that makes me sad. When we said goodbye, he stood at the gate and told us that he's broken a record. His parents and father-in-law lived to be 84, and he's made it to 85. He broke into a little song about being 85 today. We told each other, "I love you", and he gave me a tight hug. I had a little cry on the way home, because he's such a lovely person and I don't want to think of him not being around.

I'm finally back on my healthy eating program. Today was my fourth day. I feel much better eating properly again. It is the least one can do for oneself. Even today, when my granddad and Michael were eating lemon meringue pie, I had some sunflower seeds and raisins. It just takes a bit of determination to get past the first few days and then, like anything else, it becomes a habit.
I will, however, be having a waffle or two when we are at the sea. There is a lovely little waffle-house and Michael and I have already booked a trip there.

Thursday's post

2006-10-15T11:59:00.000+02:00

Blogger seemed to be down on Thursday, so here is the entry that should have been...

I’m feeling just fantastic! In such a spectacular mood. The euphoria and the doldrums of the meds are past, and now I’m just feeling psychologically in a really good place. I missed it.

Last night’s babysitting was a lot of fun, and little Zander came through the op like a real little trooper. Michael and I are completely enchanted by the little guy. Too enchanted – we’ll be wanting one of our own next, lol.

I have started eating right again, and I feel so good for it. Really excited, actually. You just know you will reap the rewards from putting quality food in your mouth, instead of any old crap. I even had carrot and orange juice this morning and I’m on a very pleasant spike from it.

I got a parcel in the post today, the CD that I ordered my granddad for his birthday. It’s the soundtrack of Brigadoon, and I think he will be delighted by it. It’s in the NAXOS range, and very good quality. The songs are sung by the original cast. I just can’t wait for Sunday to give it to him. It’s so nice finding a present that you know will really mean something to someone.
I’ve been listening to the songs and getting in an increasingly better mood. They are so catchy and charming. No wonder they have stood the test of time. The one song is speaking directly to me:

What a day this has been,
what a rare mood I’m in,
why, it’s almost – like being in love.

I’ve a smile on my face,
for the whole human race,
why, it’s almost – like being in love.

I think I must make myself a copy of the CD. It’s like an instant, feel-good tonic.

My sister had a bad experience at school yesterday. Her class of grade ones was sitting on the floor of the classroom. She wanted to open the door to her storeroom, and told them all to sit still. But as soon as she opened the door, the one child started performing about her finger being stuck under the door. Well, Annie bent down to have a look, and got the fright of her life. Half the baby finger was missing. She told herself, “Just keep calm, just keep calm, just keep calm…” while searching for the missing finger. She couldn’t find it. Eventually, she chanced another look at the finger. It turned out that it was an old injury, and there was just the tiniest little scratch on the stump from the door. Now that is what is called relief!

My mom came to visit me today, and her and I had such a good laugh. I told her that I got a pamphlet from the pharmacy about cord-blood storage. I have decided that if I should have a child, I will definitely pay the R6800 to have the blood cryogenically stored. My mom agreed and said that my sis should do the same if she has a child. She is my only 100% sibling, same father, same mother. Or rather, I have other 100% siblings, we just don’t have exactly the same blood ;-). But Annie and I do. And I would save the cord blood just as much for us as for the child, because there is a 25% chance that the cord blood would be a match for Annie and I, thus coming in very handy for our condition.
But reflecting on it, I mimed a little voice saying, “You used all my cord-blood!”
I guess that wouldn’t be right. Maybe my child would one day have need of its own blood, and would be very unhappy if I’d ‘used it all up’. Maybe I’d even get sued by my own child. This was what we were laughing at, and my mom said I have a very twisted sense of humour. Nothing new there, I’m afraid.
All this brought me to the realization that if I have any intention of ever availing myself of the cord blood, of this as yet fictitious child, I had better pay double or triple and have extra lots of the blood saved, which I’m sure is possible. I mean, have you seen the size of an umbilical cord? Plenty to go around.
Yes, I am twisted, what can I say?

I’m looking positively rubenesque, from the weight I’ve put on, and LOVING it. I didn’t like being so skinny, curves are what it’s all about! Michael agrees. (I’m no Dolly Parton, but at least I don’t look like I enjoyed a recent get-away at a concentration camp anymore, lol) I hope I’m not going to lose it all again now that I’m eating so well. Still, too bad if I do, I’d rather feel healthy.

Michael has become very taken with our water-distiller. I make an effort to keep bottles of distilled water in the fridge for him, and he LOVES it. Keeps thanking me for getting the distiller and saying the pure water tastes like cooldrink. I asked if he thinks we should take the distiller to the sea with us, and he said, “Of course!”.
We’re very excited about our holiday at the seaside, which is only a week away.
Think I’m going to go and listen to Brigadoon again…

Babysitting.

2006-10-11T19:48:00.000+02:00

M & I are watching our godsons, Quintus and Jason, tonight as poor little baby, Zander, has to have grommits put in his ear tonight. We are having a fun time playing at being parents for the night. Not that we have to do all that much. The boys are big enoough to bath on their own, and then they have to go to bed, seeing as how it's a weeknight, and school tomorrow.
I told Michael to supervise the running in of the bath-water, as we don't want them to get burnt. I didn't go into the bathrrom, as I thought they might be shy. Michael says he got told in no uncertain terms to get out, when the water was in, ha ha.
So M is watching tv and I am updating my blog (thanks, Mel). I just got up, and standing in the tv room, called, "Are you guys okay?" Quick as a flash, the bathrrom door slammed shut. "We're fine," I heard.
Michael has since been summoned, and I hear some sort of discussion going on there.
When they get out, it is bedtime, and I will read them a story. I think I'm looking forward to that more than they are, because they don't look that keen, lol. From the look of Quintus, he wants to stay up and play games with his Uncle.

I think I may have been a little ambitious to go to work this morning. I felt a bit wasted by the afternoon. Still, it's only data-processing, not hard grafting ;-) And also only half-day, at that. Still, I can feel I'm getting steadily stronger. This whole working lark is just what I needed to get back into some sort of reality and not the limbo I felt I was in.

I don't want to speak too soon, but I seem to have some sort of a handle on this whole ms situation. I guess I've gone through all those classic stages than one is supposed to go through, anger, denial, blah,blah,blah. Anyway, I feel like I've calmed down a lot.

Progress

2006-10-10T21:56:00.000+02:00

I am feeling better.

I can sort of plot the little graph by now. On Sunday evening, a couple of hours post-cortisone, I felt on a bit of a high. Nothing new there. I felt cute and funny, and just generally the bee’s-knees. Too hyped up to sleep, come bedtime. So I lay there the whole night, watching Michael sleep. I drank a lot of water, seeing as I was awake. I am convinced this helps combat the toxicity of the meds a lot.

Monday morning rolled around. Didn’t feel too bad, considering I had slept a sum total of nothing. Expecting depression, I was really glad that it was, in fact, not present. My face was flushed, but that was all.
Went shoe shopping during lunch and bought a pair of beach-sandals which may or may not have been a mistake. It was around this time that I noticed a disproportionate amount of irritability floating around in me. It escalated over the course of the afternoon to dangerous levels. Not fun, but still more fun than feeling sorry for myself and being depressed. Poor Michael.

Went to bed early, and had a solid night of glorious, uninterrupted sleep. Didn’t wake up once. Woke up feeling really quite good this morning at half-past nine. I have the slightest bit of moon-face, but nothing that will stop traffic. The irritation is gone, and apart from feeling a wee bit run-down and weak, I feel quite all right. Purple spots receding rapidly, most gratifyingly.

So I’ve survived another round, and stood up. No TKO for me.

All in all, quite pleased with the result. However. I need to start looking after myself better again. Eating right, particularly, and carrying on with the exercises I have been doing. I haven’t made myself juice in ages so best that I start that up again. It is amazing how carrot juice can pep up one’s system. Potent stuff, carrot juice. Freshly made, it contains a wonderful cocktail of enzymes and vitamins, that are very accessible to the body. Virtually goes straight into the bloodstream, as little digestion is needed. So that’s my resolution for what remains of October: Less chocolate, more carrot! In fact, I may even make that my maxim to live by. Quite catchy, don’tcha think?
I feel like I can at least cook for my poor man tonight. Last night, I lay on a mattress in front of the tv, feeling simultaneously feeble and enormously irritated, and when he timidly phoned to hear if I was making food, I advised him to pick something up on the way home from work. Which he did. But tonight things are largely back to normal. Nothing too ambitious, just a pot of mince and pasta, the lazy housewife’s mainstay.

Today's post

2006-10-08T14:49:00.000+02:00

I went into hospital this morning for two hours or so to get my fix of cortisone. Irritately enough, I had to actually go through the whole admissions process, get issued a bed, the whole toot, instead of just going via casualties. This is so that the Medical Aid will pay for the procedure. Goodness knows why, because it works out more expensive for them, but anyway. I have no intention of paying for it out of my own pocket, as it adds up to about R2000. Not petty cash.

Right now, I am feeling deceptively good. Actually, I feel like a million dollars. I’m glad I went, because it was time. The purple spots in front of my eyes were going haywire, which is a precursor for serious loss of vision in a couple of weeks time, if left untreated. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. But I still feel a bit indecisive, driving everyone around me nuts, because I don’t like taking the medication if I can help it, that’s no secret. I never no when I should take it, because I have to distinguish between residual symptoms, which have been there for years, and new or worsening symptoms, which is not always easy. I’m resigned to taking the meds now, in fact, I think of it as my friend. But I still don’t want to overdo it, as there are dire long-term side-effects, which I don’t even feel like discussing.
I know that the side-effects (short-term, that is) will hit me tomorrow. Then I’ll say, “I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus.” Which is silly because I think someone who has been hit by a bus will disagree.
But I won’t feel good. I’ll feel depressed, very tired, flu-like, achey-breakey. But knowing that it’ll pass in a couple of days does make it easier, especially the medication-induced depression.

I met a woman in the bed next to me who also has ms. I was keeping a low-profile while my drip was running, but when I found out she is also an ms-er, I felt like a child with a new playmate. She is much worse than I am, though. She is currently in hospital for two weeks, taking 1g of cortisone every second day. Yikes! And that’s not all she’s taking. She’s on a whole ritz of other medication. She told me she got such an (opportunistic) infection in her eye that she nearly lost it!
I know this is totally awful, and I’m ashamed to admit it, but it does cheer me up a bit when I meet someone who’s worse off than I am. Don’t get me wrong, I feel really sorry for her, but it does have the effect of making me grateful for my own situation.
Not like when I hear of people with ms doing triathlons for charity, lol. That makes me feel very inadequate.

I saw a black guy in town yesterday. He was on crutches. I didn’t want to stare, but I think he may have had a leg missing. He had a serious deformity on his face. His forehead bulged out, out of all proportion, like a massive swelling. I only saw him fleetingly, but I have been thinking of him ever since. What must his life have been like? He looks oldish and very poor. It is really wrenching at my heart. He wasn’t begging for money, just crossing the street, so I didn’t want to accost him with money. He’s been on my mind such a lot, though, I wish now that I had reached out in some way. How blessed my own life is, really.

I’m going to try and drink as much water as I can for the rest of the day, as that really seems to take the edge off the effects of the meds.

Ouch, my back is sore. Forgot about that little side-effects!
Oh yes, and one other thing. I am so grateful that I have lovely, visible veins. They never battle to get a needle in there, unlike the poor girl in the next bed, who ends up having to get it in her neck because her other veins are so flat. My sisters actually don’t have such great-shakes veins, looks like I am the lucky one!

One other last thing ;-) Darling hubby is out playing a much-deserved game of golf. Apart from putting up with my 'will-I-won't-I' charade, he very kindly and supportively took me to the hospital this morning and waited there with me the whole time. Bless his heart.

Last night's post which WOULDN'T go through

2006-10-08T14:44:00.000+02:00

Had a lovely day today. Up early, and went to town with Michael. I got some really nice fruit from Woolworths. Apples, dates and cherry tomatoes. I want to start eating better. Lately, it's been a policy of 'anything goes'. Not good. Unfortunately, when we went to watch the rugby at my sister's house, I packed out a bit and got stuck into the bowl of mini-Crunchies she had there. Michael's team lost, but a fun time was still had by all. We went to watch the next game at Melany and Tommie's and Melany and I got to have a nice visit. It's so nice to talk to someone who has a similar way of looking at life to your own. Right now, though, I am feeling a bit grotty. I have a nasty case of Optic Neuritis, which is where one's optic nerve gets inflamed. Left untreated, this can cause damage, so tomorrow, or Monday at the latest, I will be booking into hospital for a dose of IV cortisone. Not looking forward to the after-effects, but at least if I have it done now then I should be okay for when we go to the sea. I don't relish the thought of going to hospital and having a drip hooked up, but I don't like taking chances with my eye-sight. As it is, I am seeing flashing purple lights, and am experiencing sickening pains in my eyes when I move them in their sockets. Also tension headaches from eye strain. Add to this a general feeling of fatigue, pins-and-needles and numbness in extremities - yep, I think it's time for some meds.

What the hey? I'm on a roll!

2006-10-07T13:01:00.000+02:00

Yesterday I went outside to water our garden a bit. I put the sprayer on, and the kids from next door came to chat to me. They are very sweet kids, I like them a lot. I put the sprayer in the communal stretch of garden for them to play in, and they had such a nice time. They put on their swimming costumes and ran through it, cartwheeled over it, and just generally got soaking wet.
They told me that they will be moving one of these days, to a house in the area. I was sad to hear this, as I've gotten quite attached to them. This is the same family where the mom is a proffesional singer. Ever since the time I asked her to turn down the bass on her amp, there has been no more trouble. I have actually gotten quite fond of her voice. I'll be sorry to see them go.
I know this is a different tune to the one I was singing a few months ago. There is an expression in Afrikaans: Om te kla met 'n wit brood onder jou arm. This translates to complaining with a white bread under your arm, i.e. complaining when you actually have it pretty good.
The truth is, they are really nice neighbours, and decent people.
Unlike the people on the other side of us. They are complete riffraff. I'm not snobbish, but these people are terribly badly behaved and downright common. They are unemployed, and celebrate it by having loud, drunken parties on weekday nights. Apparently, they are in arrears with their rent. If that was me, you wouldn't hear a peep out of me, but they are so loud and disruptive that the neighbour on the other side of them, has called out the cops at least three times in a two month period. I just don't get it.

Update, what do you know!

2006-10-05T20:31:00.000+02:00

Wow, but it's been a veritable aeon since last I updated. I hardly know where to begin, it's like starting a whole new blog!

I'm not even going to try and recount everything that's been happening since my last post, I'll just pick up where I left off, as it were.

I was reflecting today on the fact that my parents named me after my English (maternal)granny. My sister was named after my Afrikaans granny, albeit an anglicized version. But here's the thing: my sis got both names of our Afrikaans granny, who incidentally neither of us ever met. Anne Catherine. While I only got one of our English granny's names, i.e. Margaret. Her second name is Iris, which for some reason never got included when my birth was registered.
Not that I'm complaining. Iris is not exactly the most funky name on the block. It's a bit weird actually because although it is a type of flower, it is also a part of the eye. It would be like being called Cornea, or Pupil.
But then it occured to me that if I had Iris as second name, then my initials (including my surname) would be MIA. Which is kinda cool! In fact, it appeals so much, I may just go ahead and change my name to include Iris. I always felt like I was gipped out of a second name, lol.

My temperamental health is doing surprisingly well for a change. This business of only taking 1 gram of cortisone when I need it is really working for me. I say 'only' but it is still a whopping dose, just small compared to the 5 gram sessions I used to have. Everything is indeed relative.
In fact, things are going so well that I am working for the first time in years. It is only three mornings a week, which I can just about handle, but I am actually enjoying doing a bit of honest labour. My FIL is updating his data-base, and was kind enough to ask me if I'd like to help out.
So yes, things are going well in that department.

Actually, things are going GREAT!
Though I still tire easily if I try to do too much or walk too far, things have really taken a turn for the better, majorly.

Truthfully, things were going so bad last year, I thought I was going to die. So to not only be alive and kicking, but actively enjoying life and looking forward to the future is remarkable and wonderful. It just goes to show, no matter how bad things are, there is always hope. I just can't stress it enough. Talk about a new lease on life. I don't bother worrying about the future anymore, for now I am just content with enjoying the present.

Later in this month, we will be going to the sea. M and I haven't been on a holiday in three years, so we're really looking forward to it. And on the 2nd of November, we have tickets to see my favourite comedian, live. Can't wait.

Brigadoon

2006-08-24T16:15:00.000+02:00

I thought this story was good enough to warrant a telling.

My granddad phoned me about two weeks ago. He hardly ever phones me, so it was a very pleasant surprise. He is going on 85, and is very dear to me. Anyway, he wanted to ask me something about an old movie, a musical. He’d asked my mom, and she didn’t know it, but told him to ask me, as I ‘knew that kind of stuff’.
He didn’t know the title of the movie, or any of the people who acted in it. He just knew the basic story-line, which involved a little village in the Highlands of Scotland. One day, every hundred years it came alive, and then it disappeared into the mists again, invisible to the rest of the world. My granddad also said that there was a song in it, something about the Highlands. I told him that I wasn’t familiar with it, but that I loved a challenge and would try and find out.
Now, this is important: My granddad phoned me on Friday the11th of August, just before 1pm. That evening, I went online and did a search on the basic storyline he had given me, not really expecting much. I trawled through the results pages, and eventually something sparked an interest. That specific page was about Broadway musicals being revived this year, and one of them was called BRIGADOON, the story of A village in the Scottish Highlands that comes alive once every hundred years…
Hmmmm. I immediately did a search on Brigadoon, and got plenty of results. I had hit pay dirt. Brigadoon was a 1954 musical starring Gene Kelly, a big hit in its day, with a fabulous musical score.It was originally a stage musical on Broadway.
The name, Brigadoon, rang a bell with me. I went to get the tv guide to page through it. I ran my eye down the column for ‘classic’ movies for each day, and it wasn’t long before that word that I was so longing to see caught my eye. Brigadoon. I glanced up quickly to read the date. And would you believe it?! The date was Friday the 11th. It had bloody well shown at 2pm that afternoon, nearly exactly an hour after I had spoken to granddad on the phone. Talk about your bad luck! And that was the only day that it was showing, no repeats. I phoned granddad the next morning to tell him about the whole saga. He laughed about the timing, but was very happy to hear that it was Brigadoon, as it had really been bugging him that he couldn’t remember the name of the movie. I promised that I would keep an eye out if it ever showed again.

So today we get our September tv guide. I immediately start flicking through the classic movies column, looking for the ever elusive Brigadoon, which by now I am also plenty interested in seeing. I spot it and get all excited, high-fiving Michael, and carrying on like a lunatic. Friday the 11th at 2pm, I say, gleefully. Until I realized that I was looking at the old tv guide, not the new one. Sh*t!
So I trawl through the new one, hope rapidly fading as I get later and later into the month, and no sign of it. Eventually, I only have one page left to scan, the 30th of September. What are the chances, I think sadly. I hardly bother to read it through, it’s too depressing. And then there it is! Brigadoon, 12pm, September 30. Yay! I check the cover of the guide, just to make sure that it is indeed September’s issue. And it is!
I phoned granddad to tell him the happy news. He insists that he gives me the money for a new VHS tape to tape it on. He is pretty pleased. It is a movie from his youth that obviously made quite an impact on him, if he can remember it fifty years on.
I’m thinking of inviting my grandparents to come and watch it here by me when it shows, and having a bit of a party for them. I’ll get a lemon meringue pie (their absolute favourite!) and we can have a nice get together. It can be in my granddad’s honour, as his birthday is only fifteen days later. It should make him feel special.

About time!

2006-08-13T21:22:00.000+02:00

For an update, that is.

I don't know why, but I'm not as into blogging as I once was. But I'll say this for it: it really helped me through some very rough times, that's for sure. Maybe that's why I don't feel the need to blog as much, because I'm feeling so much better.

I don't think I was ever really cut out to be a first rate blogger. I'm actually a rather private person. Except for my various health maladies, I'd happily tell those to the man on the street, I think. But apart from that, I don't think I'd have the guts to post something really personal, or about anyone other than myself. That's why my blog is so ego-centric. I'm very aware of who might end up reading my blog, I mean, anything's possible. With the result that my blog doesn't generally make for the most scintillating reading. I think even I got bored with it. But like I said, it really helped me out when I needed it most.

So, today starts out quite mediocrely. I was really tired and quite a bit moody, too. Could be hormonal. Probably is, as I'm pretty laid back the rest of the time.Anyway, wasn't having too good a time. Until. Michael washes and vacuums the car and then insists that we take it somewhere. I agree, light up and flash my driver's licence at him. "I'll drive".
Now, I haven't gotten behind the wheel of a car in at least a year (and what a delightful year it's been, to be sure!) Michael agrees and off we go. It went surprisingly well. It'll take me a while to get used to driving our car, but I could feel the pedals fine, which had been my primary concern. I did nearly give M whiplash when I hit the brakes. (My, but the car has magnificent brakes!) He was admirably silent during the trip, although he did say at one point, "Go easy on the gears, love, it's not a tractor". Oops. Indeed. Still, I'll get used to it soon enough.

Of course, I'm thrilled out of my bracket at the whole thing. With any luck, my days of sitting at home without transport may be coming to an end. Not sure where I'll actually go, though, ha ha.

The photo's are of me sitting proudly in car, and of my two pets, both acquired at McDonalds with purchase of a Happy Meal. Both dutifully eaten by Michael. Well, he'll have to eat two more, I want the whole set.

RIP Waggs

2006-07-25T15:57:00.000+02:00

How cute is the new Red Bull ad? The one with the dogs. Red Bull always had the best ads on tv, but lately they haven’t been up to much. They seem to be back, though. I saw it last night and thought it too cute for words. So that’s how the little devil got it right…

I still think Boston Legal is the best program on tv. Last night’s episode was brilliant, to say the least.

Yesterday was my father-in-law’s birthday. They invited us with to eat out with them, which was lovely. The restaurant is at a nursery, and is very pleasant and peaceful. It’s just a long walk in from the car-park, but I managed fine, surprising myself with my stamina. I’m walking just about normally, give or take the odd speed-wobble.
Unfortunately, though, my lower legs and feet are very numb. Not that this in itself is a problem, I mean, who needs feeling in their legs anyway? But I’m worried that my hands will follow suit. I’m very aware of the situation, though. I’m keeping a handle on things.

A sad thing that happened yesterday was that my parents’ dog, Waggles, died. Her intestines twisted and even though my dad rushed her to the vet, it was too late. It happened so quickly. Her gut bloated, she started foaming at the mouth, and within an hour she was gone.
She was only 5 years old, and a fine watchdog. She was the best dog we ever had. She was my dog, too, as my dad bought her while I was still living at home. He named her Waggles after the Patti Page song: Doggie in the window. The first two lines go, How much is that Doggie in the window?
The one with the wagg-ely tail…

Hence the name: Waggles, as she sure did have a waggly tail, even though it was only a stump. She had a funny wag. Her whole tail rotated in excitement.

Waggles, when she came to live with as, was timid and looked a bit malnourished. If there was a word to describe her, then it was appreciative. She obviously so appreciated the place she had come to live. I think she came from a bit of a poor family, and looked a tad neglected.
My dad says she chose him when he came to pick out a puppy from her litter. There was another one that he fancied taking, but Waggles made the choice for him, crawling towards him on her belly, and saying, ‘pick me’.
They had a special bond from the word go. Waggles would wait at the gate for my dad to come home from work. She’d go for rides with him in his bakkie. Very well-behaved. He was leaving one day, and she jumped right over the tailgate to go with him.

She was the only dog I ever knew who could ‘high five’ a person. Honest. That paw would come up, and if you didn’t high-five her, then you were just as likely to get it in the crotch, lol.

Waggles was great with kids. They all loved her, a real family dog.

She could bark at the moon endlessly. That won’t be missed.

Waggles had what looked like a mask on her face. We called her Mask of Waggles, in parody of The Mask of Zorro. Sometimes, just ‘Mask’ for short. She’d come to the kitchen window at night for a little snack, like a piece of bread. You’d be at the sink washing up, and suddenly you’d see this mask glowing in the dark. Then, she’d take the bread so gently, and hold eye-contact for a few seconds. It was so obviously a ‘Thank You’.

I’m tearing up as I write this, remembering.

She had this long face. She looked a bit like a horse, actually. And she come run like one, too. One day, she scaled the (high) fence around the property in pursuit of a cat. I saw her do it once, and you really had to see it to believe it. Just like a horse. One day, she didn’t make it quite over the fence, and landed half on, half off it, badly injuring her from leg. Somehow, the maid got her off, but that leg was hanging on by a thread. Nonetheless, she allowed my mom and sister, who arrived home shortly after, to load her onto the back of the bakkie. She was as brave as a lion. She got stitched up and was soon as good as new, even thought the vet proclaimed it to be one of the wort injuries he’d seen.

It didn’t stop her scaling the fence if she got a chance…

Waggles had one litter of puppies and was a born mother. We kept one of the pups, Mac (later to be called Big Mac, as he became HUGE). They were never a day apart, all his life. And Waggles loved to play with him. Every evening, the two would run around, and mock-fight in some elaborate game of their own. Mac spent the whole of last night crying for his mommy. It would break your heart.

She was a bit of a comedian. Michael and I bought a fake meerkat for my dad’s putt-putt course in the backyard. The first time she saw it, she thought it was real and raced around and around it, with a volley of barks. She was mortified when she realized it was a fake, and walked off, head held high, as if she’d known all along.

Last weekend was a bit of a family reunion. We wanted to take a pic of all the grandkids together, so we asked them to pose for us. Waggles obviously thought she was a grandkid, because she went and stood right in the middle of them for the photo.

She was so playful. Michael has a fond memory of her, too. Once, during a time of heavy rainfall. The area next to the pool was flooded. Literally knee-deep in water, on the grass. Michael and Waggles were tearing through the water, up and down and having a fine old time, until Michael’s feet slipped out from under him and he wiped out. Waggles stopped in her tracks and stood next to him looking for all the world like she was having a good laugh.

My dad called her ‘Waggelina van Tant Siena’. She was his dog, through and through. A real champion. The only thing she couldn’t do, was to catch tidbits thrown up in the air for her. The other dogs were very accomplished at this, and she found it so mortifying that she couldn’t catch, that she refused to even attempt it. She purposely look away in another direction. Or put her head on the ground and cover her muzzle with her paws. Poor Waggles.

I’ve never known a dog with so much character. Her favourite game was rushing to the gate, braking at the last second to terrorise passers-by. She loved that. Unfortunately she nipped out and bit someone, once. Fortunately, not very badly. She was a superb watchdog. Quite a legend about the place. The little kids who live around there knew her name and would call her. Waaaaggles! Then they’d pose for photographs with her, though they were standing on the opposite side of the gate, obviously.

Waggles loved chasing birds. She never caught one. I think the thrill was just in the chase, for her. She was extremely social, and loved nothing better than a family gathering.

We sure are going to miss that dog!

I’m worried about Michael. He is working extremely long hours, as the agency he works for has expanded. It’s a lot of stress, getting it off the ground. I’m trying to be as supportive as possible. He worked from 5am to after 8pm yesterday.

Today, we went to the Pancake Man for lunch. I was actually planning on fasting today, but it was too much to pass up on the chance of going somewhere with him. He worked the whole weekend, as it is. So we went. I told him it’s the best fast I’ve ever been on, lol. I had a Margherita pancake and we shared a banana caramel one for dessert. Very yum.
Afterwards, we went to the mall, because I wanted to buy a cd. I am completely besotted with The Phantom of the Opera. I’ve watched it about 5 times this month since it showed on tv. I can see why it was the most successful musical ever. I knew the obvious songs, like All I Ask of You, Phantom of the Opera, Music of the Night, and Wishing You Were Somehow Here again. But I’ve gotten to know the others too now, like: Think of Me Fondly, Angel of Music and Learn to be Lonely. The latter plays as the end credits are rolling, and it’s sung by Minnie Driver, who plays La Carlotta. My, but does she ever have a stunning voice! I was never very impressed with her as an actress, but I was quite taken with her portrayal of la Carlotta.The Phantom himself, played by Gerald Butler, had maybe not the best voice ever, but quite a presence. Patrick Wilson’s Raoul was quite divine and Emmy Rossum, who was only 17 at the time of filming, was quite breathtaking as Christine Daae. Anyway, I wanted the cd. Thought that seeing as how my back is feeling so much better and my exercises are going so well, I might as well forego the trip to the physiotherapist and buy the cd instead. Happily, they are roughly the same price, lol. But do you think I could get hold of it anywhere? Still, it was lovely going to the mall with Michael, we had a good time. My walking was so good that I didn’t even get any sidelong glances from people mistaking me for a wino! Afterwards, I had furious pins-and-needles in my legs and numbness, but dare I say it was worth it? Six months ago, I could barely walk at all.

Glass half full today, lol

2006-07-22T11:06:00.000+02:00

My legs are feeling slightly better today. Just as well, I didn’t really feel like going to hospital today, somehow.

I’ve decided to do a short juice fast, starting today, to see if I can’t stall the cortisone drip for a week or two. I need to work on having as much time between cortisone bouts as is safely possible. But I won’t play around with it if it is, as I suspect, a spinal-chord lesion. If my legs are affected, then it’s just a matter of time before I start losing sensation in my hands, and that I won’t tolerate. As it is, doing up buttons on a shirt has become too much of a challenge. Almost every item of clothing I own has a zip.

On the plus side, my hips really are feeling better at last. The improvement has been so slow and subtle that at first I wasn’t sure, but they are definitely on the mend. They’re still sore, but it’s discomfort on a level that I can live with. The exercises that I am doing are working like a bomb. I’m surprised how much I missed exercising. I used to be a very active person. For a long time, I couldn’t have exercised, even if I had wanted to. Being able to do these basic exercises is really lifting my spirits.

Sometimes, thinking up a title is so dreary...

2006-07-21T12:03:00.001+02:00

I’ve only just returned to my emotional equilibrium (defaulted to chirpy) and now I need to take cortisone again. It’s very soon after the last session. Not even a month and a half, never mind two, which for some reason became my goal. But I’m not breaking my head over it this time. The question is not will I take the meds, but rather when will I do so.

The thing is, I have too many fires to put out at this stage to get myself revved up on this point. My hips are maybe feeling a bit better, and quite frankly, I’d like to keep them that way. I’ve gone to a lot of effort and expense to get them half-way normal again. I’m not taking the chance of getting a full-blown relapse again, which will undoubtedly stuff them up from the word go again.

The reason I suspect that I’m heading for trouble is this: I’ve had this very disturbing, buzzing feeling in the back of my head (at the nape of my neck) for the past couple of weeks. Then, yesterday, I started getting that all too familiar tingling, pins-and-needles feeling in my legs, especially the left one. Now, today, they feel numb and quite dead. Also, alarmingly enough, I have near permanent goose-flesh on my left leg. How weird is that? Haven’t had that symptom before.

I am faithfully doing the exercises prescribed to me by the chiropractor. I have the three sets up to 120 repetitions. And it does feel as though it’s working. Next week, I’m going to see the physiotherapist to get a full exercise program. My muscle tone is not what it should, and for the first time (courtesy of agony in hips) I am getting concerned about this. I have gotten away with being inactive for about three years, but apparently I need to address the situation urgently, before something else packs up.

I can’t even go to the bother of feeling upset over all this anymore. It’s too damn boring.

Think I’ll go eat something…

New car

2006-07-16T21:18:00.000+02:00

A sad day, but a joyous one.

Michael went to fetch our new car on Friday (at another town). After much deliberation, we settled on the new shape Jetta 5. As Michael has driven a Jetta 2 (1986 model) for 11 years, it seemed fitting.

We absolutely love our new car, but we are having a hard time letting go of our former trusty steed, which we dubbed ‘The Groen (green) Jetta.I have such fond memories of that car. Back when I worked for Michael’s parents, but before him and I were an item, I used to wait at lunchtime for the nose of the green Jetta to appear in their driveway, and when it did, my heart would swell with pleasure, for it would be Michael. We’d flirt a little, and chat, and I was so in love, it hurt. The car came to represent that for me. So yeah, it’s hard letting it go. Michael is even worse. He tears up at the mention of letting the car go. We’re far too sentimental for our own good. Tomorrow, the car goes to its new owner. Somehow, though, it’s not quite as hard as I’d thought it would be. Not when I look at its replacement.

The above picture is us with our two babies, old and new.

The temperature tonight is almost sweltering. I’m actually getting hot as I sit here, typing.

I finished my new Marion Keyes book. It was so, so beautiful. I enjoyed it more than I’ve enjoyed a book in a long time. I did spend most of the time bawling my eyes out! It dealt with death, bereavement and grief. Not the most cheerful topic, but it wasn’t all doom and gloom and it was so well written.

Return to blog-world...

2006-07-13T17:37:00.000+02:00

Long time, no post.
don't know why, guess I just kinda detached from my alter-ego in the Land of Blog.

Not that much has happened. Not much to report.

I've felt depressed these past two weeks, and it's not a term I use lightly. I actually feel a bit fraudulent, using it with reference to myself. I wouldn't go so far as to call it actual, clinical depression. But only because it was temporary, and strongly linked to hormones. But that knowledge didn't make me feel any better at the time. I was tearful, morbid about the future, and the weight of the world hung heavy on my shoulders. Everything seemed pointless, and the worst was the total lack of motivation to do anything. I'm more or less over it now, thank heaven.

Not 100% back to my perky self, however. I've lost interest in my No.1 hobby for the past five years, i.e. my health (and how to get it back). I've got a bit of an annoying, hopeless attitude towards it at present that I hope will go away soon.

Tomorrow, Michael and I get our new car, a candy-white Jetta 5. We're excited at the prospect, but very sad, nostalgic and tearful about giving up our trusty green mobile. We're way too sentimental for our own (collective) good.
Frankly, it's all the same to m what we drive. The one thing that persuaded me to go into debt for this new car was the safety features. I have a secret phobia of people that I love being involved in car accidents. It's on my mind quite a lot. I'll just feel a whole lot better about Michael driving around with ABS brakes, airbags, etc.

I thought I'd gone off reading. It took me absolute ages to finish the book I was reading. But now I realise that this was due to the crapness of the book in question. I am now reading my new Marion Keyes book (she remains my favourite author) and absolutely loving it. I'm devouring it and savouring it at the same time, if such a thing is possible.

Baby Rylee is beautiful. I was so moved when I saw her after she was born, still in the incubator. i look forward to watching her grow up. And little Aiden is just the sunniest, sweetest girl.

Little Christopher is growing like a weed. He is so beautiful and healthy. I definitely have no shortage of gorgeous and adorable kids in my life!

Life...

2006-06-24T21:21:00.000+02:00

How does life go from being absoluetly sh*tty one moment, to idyllic and dreamy the next?

My faith in life and fortune and the universe has been restored. There is a reason that such cliched idioms as 'it is darkest before the dawn' exist. Because they are true! I will try and remember this in future. That no matter how dark the hour is, there is just no telling how splendid the dawn may be.

My hip was back in place for a blissful five minutes or so, but now it's feeling sore again. Oh well...

Today was really marvellous. We didn't do much, but what we did do was just so nice.

We slept really late this morning, and cuddled and chatted.
We watched tv together.
We went shopping together.
I saw a friend I haven't seen in ages. She gave me such a nice hug.
We went to visit Mel, Tom & kids, and had a lovely time.
We bought take-aways for lunch.
Michael watched rugby and I read book, side by side, most companionably.
We went shopping again, and bought cheesy buns, a chocolate and ingredients for muffins.
I made carrot-cake muffins while Michael watched F1 racing.
We watched a cute movie and ate the muffins.
We watched a sitcom and laughed ourselves silly.
We spent the whole day together, being lazy and in love. It was just great.

Tomorrow, we plan to go visiting my parents and Annie, who arrived in town this afternoon. I am seriously looking forward to that.

I got Marian Keyes' new book, "Anybody Out There?" in the post yesterday. It's such a nice feeling, having a new book of my favourite author lying unopened next to my bed. I think I'll go start on it...

Bloggipoo

2006-06-22T21:03:00.000+02:00

Annie’s concert was a resounding and raving success. She sounded so happy and fulfilled when I phoned her last night. She got a huge bouquet of flowers from the children, up on stage, and a hug from the headmaster. Not that any of us, apart from Annie, are actually surprised. We knew she’d do well. I’m only sorry I wasn’t there to see it.
Got wait for her to get here, the weekend. We’re gonna have such a great time.

Michael and I are thinking seriously of moving house. The new neighbours that have moved in are seriously lacking in class. They had a raucous fight, and played their music at an alarming decibel level last night. Nearly one am, to be precise. We’re getting just a little tired of living in such close proximity to other people. Michael, in particular, is very offended at the guy next door who farts in his bath every morning, in a manner that is extremely audible to us, lol.
We’re not such if we want to make the leap of buying a place of our own, or just find another place to rent. Whichever we decide on, it will be blissfully idyllic for me to live in a ground=floor place. These stairs are killing what’s left of my hips.
Hip status: ACHING. My gluts (a.k.a. my butt muscles) are killing me, too. I’m starting to lose faith in chiropractics. Then again, I do remember some comment along the lines of it taking up to 8 sessions to get the little devil back in. So far, I’ve been for 5 or 6 sessions. So there’s hope, right? Even if time is running out.

Nice day.

2006-06-20T21:08:00.000+02:00

It’s great to be back in the land of the living, officially. Sorry if I sound a tad like a Drama Queen but that’s what it feels like.

I actually went out a bit today which was nice, as the cabin fever was starting to rear it’s head. First I went to the chiropractor. Let me just add that it’s bad when the a trip to the chiro becomes part of your social calendar, ha ha. That went well, anyway. I’m only in mild pain after that session, which by now, I take as a definite bonus. Tomorrow I should be feeling it a bit more, something to do with having had the pressure points worked on, blah, blah… Moral of story: there is finally appearing a light at the end of the bloody tunnel.

After that, my mom, gran and I went and ate breakfast at the coziest little restaurant. We each had had a bowl of the most divine vegetable soup and toast. I loved spending some time with my granny. 83 she is, and plenty of spunk. It’s good to know I have those genes. Having said that, I couldn’t keep up with her in town, and she had a hip-replacement op in December. It takes a lot to slow her down, obviously.

Then went back home. Michael has a nasty bout of flu. We went to visit his family for lunch, which I really enjoyed. I did miss them. It was especially nice to see Melany, who is a very convenient package of friend and sister. Baby Zander gave me the most beautiful smile that melted my heart. Mel’s kids are big on charm.
I joked that I’ll probably end up getting Michael’s flu, too, and added that I’ve made peace with my health, or rather, lack of it. Quintus got my attention, and said, Aunty Maggie, maybe, maybe NOT. He has such a wise little soul. So I basically got told by a six year old not to expect the worst. That is powerful.

I went with Michael to see the doctor in the afternoon, to get him booked off work and some medicine. We really like our new doctor now. I feel quite bad at how I bad-mouthed him previously (right here on my blog). Now I think he’s a sweetie. Michael and I declared him to be our family doctor. We’ve actually never had a family doctor before, so we’re quite chuffed about it. He said I made his day when I came walking in there without my walker. He really is a decent guy.

Also, I totally LOVE my distiller. I thought for a coupla days that I’d made a HUGE mistake in buying it, as I didn’t like the taste. But as Michael pointed out, it was probably just that the element was still new, and needed to get worn in a bit. Now I have bottles of distilled water all over the house for us. I’m having quite a great time with the whole thing. I’ve learnt how to operate it, clean the residue and change the filter. I actually love machinery and gadgets.

So life is good again. I’ll try to bear that in mind next I have to take the cortisone and feel like the end of the world is nigh, lol.
Meanwhile, Annie is coming for a two-week holiday during the school-holidays. She’ll be here on Saturday and I cannot WAIT. So much to talk about. Tomorrow is the music concert that she has worked so hard at arranging. I hope it goes well for her.

Out of the woods

2006-06-19T22:20:00.000+02:00

I’m feeling almost completely back to my old self. Thank heavens the skanky dark cloud has lifted! Man, I do not want to re-live the past couple of days. I’ll deal with that thought in a month or two, though. For now, I’m just glad to be alive. And walking about, as an added bonus.

I must be feeling alright, because I’m finding myself absolutely hilarious again.

For a change, my back isn’t killing me. Don’t get me wrong, it (the pain) is still loitering in the vicinity. But it’s obviously not paying full attention. I will, however, be keeping the appointment I made at the chiropractor’s tomorrow. I reckon I could do with a tune-up.

Due to feeling so crap this weekend, I missed out on seeing Michael’s brother and his family on their visit. I also didn’t get to see either of our dads for Father’s Day. The timing of my ms sucks, as usual.

Only two weeks till my newest niece’s arrival. Can’t wait to see little Riley Chantel.

And Christopher is thriving. He is just the sweetest little thing.

It’s just past ten pm and I’m feeling wide awake. Makes a welcome change from feeling completely knackered for the past 72 hours.
Phew. It’s so nice to not be feeling so spaced out anymore. It’s the scariest feeling.

CRASHED!

2006-06-17T11:52:00.000+02:00

Yesterday I underwent a spectacular cortisone crash, and it's still going strong today. The plumpness of my face had nothing to do with weight-gain. It was only cortisone-induced swelling. I'm currently the proud owner of a flushed moonface.
I'm feeling truly awful. Nosebleeds, sickening optic neuritis pains when I move my eye-balls, depression (!) sacro-illiac pain (the beast is back, just in time to join the party). And the list goes on... my body feels bruised, did I get beat up and not remember it?

I swaer that the small dose of cortisone affects me worse than the full five day course. Flasgback to two months ago, where I said I couldn't possibly go through this every month. No way.

Sure could use a little good news today...

2006-06-15T23:11:00.000+02:00

First off, let me just say thank you so sincerely for the supportive comments on my last post. That really warmed the cockles of my heart. I think I need to print them out and paste them up somewhere where I can see and read them when I’m feeling low.

I spent the night in hospital last night. It would have been Tuesday, but all the hospitals in town were chock and block full. Everyone has pneumonia or bronchitis, that’s all I heard last night – cough, cough, cough. Thankfully, I was in a ward with only two beds in, and the other occupant was a frail old lady. I literally never heard a peep out of her. I felt very sorry for her, as she is in a near catatonic state, and I don’t think some of the staff were treating her 100% right.
My stay, as far as hospitals go, wasn’t bad at all. The ward had an en-suite bathroom, which made things a lot easier on me. The insertion of the drip was not too bad, either. At least I have perky veins. That’s one thing to be grateful for.

Ms-wise, I’m already feeling better. I’m not exacerbating from eating anymore, or bathing/ sun-bathing/ walking more than ten steps, which is pretty nice. Also, an alarming new symptom has disappeared. I had one or two scary moments yesterday where I couldn’t swallow (food). The muscles just didn’t want to co-operate, and I nearly choked. Thankfully, the cortisone puts a fast stop to such carry-on, if I react quick enough. So basically, it would appear that I need the one gram maintenance dose every two months. In fact, I may even be able to stretch it even further if I don’t stress about things which I cannot control or change, or revert to binge-eating on junk food.

I felt very low yesterday, which does happen from time to time, especially when I am experiencing a relapse. I just feel very despondent. It’s an indescribable feeling, having your body fall apart right in front of your eyes. However, I’ve got a grip on myself again now that I’m feeling a bit better.
I even have a project or two up my sleeve to focus on, as always. Firstly, I’m going to make myself fresh vegetable-juice every day. I can’t stress how much that helps. And I managed to grow my wheatgrass kit, which I will also be juicing. The stuff is pure magic.
The second part of my strategy, is to finally put into practice the mind-power and visualization techniques with which so many people have garnered a new lease on life, defeating terminal illness, no less.
It requires more than the odd five minutes I put in here and there, though. We’re talking two sessions of twenty minutes each per day, for a duration of six weeks, minimum. It doesn’t sound like much, but believe me, it takes some serious commitment. The mind is like a naughty child that needs to be disciplined. All it wants to do is lose focus, and wander aimlessly through the same old boring (and not necessarily helpful) thought-patterns. So yeah, I’m going to give it my very best shot. I’ve come up with some pretty neat visualizations for MS in particular lately. I think I might be onto something.

I’m feeling all right after the medicine, quite manically perky. And finding myself very funny. But tomorrow I’ll probably experience a bit of a cortisone-related ‘crash’. The adrenal system wakes up with a shock after the bumper load of cortisone, and suddenly has to produce the hormone by itself again. So I’ll probably feel a bit tired and depro tomorrow. Michael can be lucky he’s going to play golf tomorrow, lol.

My back-pain is still in the back-ground. Why wouldn’t it be, being a back, ha ha. (See, very funny, lol). Anyway, I just hope my delightful sacro-illiac joint didn’t pop out again during the (awkward-walking) relapse. Fortunately, it wasn’t prolonged, and I acted fast, so I think it stayed put. Next week, I’m going for a (hopefully last) trip to the chiro. Please let it be my swan-song there.

Thanks to the binge-eating following my five-day fast, I gained a rapid 8 kilograms (could even be 9) in one week. The body goes from thinking it’s starving, to being overfed, and grabbing every kilojoule it can lay its hands on. Not that I’m complaining. I like being 55kg, especially in the winter. Unfortunately, none of the weight went to my cleavage. My pot-belly merely reinstated itself. But that is from eating incorrect foods, so all I can do is demure gracefully to it, and say “Welcome back, Friend. May you sustain me on my next fast.” ;-)
My skin is as smooth as a little girl’s, though. So at least the fast wasn’t a total write-off. Also, I’ve very interested in how I recover from this relapse, so soon after a fast. Last time this happened, I experienced some very surprising and altogether welcome results. So hold thumbs for me.

Today, Michael and I have been together for six years. He asked me to be his girlfriend on 15 June 2000. Then, on 19 August of the same year, we got engaged, and on 10 February the following year, we were married. It was a real whirlwind courtship, and I enjoyed it a lot. A lot of the guests thought it was a shotgun wedding, because of our haste in getting to the altar. Oh well, egg on their face.

I just had a good look at my face in the mirror, and that it obviously where some of the weight has been redistributed. It is looking positively Madonna-esque in its roundness. And I must admit to quite liking it. It is matched in roundness only by the rotundness of my belly. But at least that is mostly due to bloatedness thanks to the excesses carbs I’ve been eating, so I’m not too fazed by that. My previously skinny legs have also filled out nicely. That is nice, as I really don’t appreciate sticklike pins.
BTW, we got our (repaired) camera back. It is taking some gorgeous photo’s, so I’ll finally be able to update my user-pic etc.

Blue Monday

2006-06-12T15:45:00.000+02:00

Yesterday was not a good day.

I have never experienced my ms going backwards at such a rate! Never experienced stress and worry and bad-eating taking me down quite so fast.

I received news this week that broke my heart. That made me forget that I have to take care of myself, or else.

Michael came back from his cycling trip. I was so glad to see his face.

Thought I’d go into hospital quick today and get my ‘maintenance’ dose of cortisone. But it was not to be. I might have known it was too good to be true that the medical aid would continue to allow me a special benefit as an out-patient for this treatment. Nope. Now I’ll have to split the dosage and be admitted overnight. Still, if I have to spend the night in hospital to save myself R900, then so be it. Not looking forward to it, though. I suppose I should get it over with and go in tonight.
I’ll be glad when it’s over and I can go on with my life, such as it is. I feel so, so tired. Never thought I’d get to the point where I actually look forward to getting a cortisone drip. Surely this can’t be right? Sometimes I feel as if my reserves of coping with all of this are getting dangerously low.

Horrible week.

2006-06-09T21:54:00.000+02:00

This has not been a good week. What an understatement.

I wasn’t able to accompany Mike to his cycle race, courtesy of the pain in my hip joints. But I must say, I have noticed improvement, albeit painfully (literally) slow improvement. Last time it also took a long time to get better, so I’ll take it as a good sign and keep my fingers crossed.

We got some really, really bad news in my family this week. I don’t want to discuss it, as it’s personal but suffice it to say that it has completely hit me for a six. The last couple of days I have felt depressed, irritable and overwhelmed. Stressed out and worried. And I’ve been eating badly. I can feel it is affecting my condition. I’ll probably have to go for some cortisone some time.

I dismantled my Oscar juicer as its locking mechanism wasn’t functioning. I would have had it serviced, but the business is in KZN, and transport would cost a fortune. So the owner advised me to dismantle it myself to check if a piece of fruit or some juice had gotten stuck behind the locking wheel. So I took it apart, cleaned it, and to my mortification, couldn’t put it back together again. And it’s only two parts and four screws.
This morning I phoned the business, but the lady couldn’t help me telephonically, although she did trey. She advised me to phone back later and speak to the owner.
In the mean time, I tackled it again. And eventually got it right! All by myself. The machine is now working better than ever before. I feel so empowered! Lol.

Tomorrow I want to try and stop stressing, eat better and find my equilibrium again. Me going through a rough spot right now is not going to help anybody at this point in time.

I hope Michael has a good race tomorrow. He is riding with his dad and brother. I hope they all enjoy it.

I think this weekend alone-at-home is maybe just what I need right now. A chance to regroup, rest and think things through… And at least I can make myself some juice again ;-).

Quick summary

2006-06-06T23:12:00.000+02:00

Day 4 I felt quite yucky, but not too bad, I guess.
Day 5 I felt pretty weak and spent the whole day upstairs, in bed. (Fantisizing about food, lol). I felt vaguely nauseous, on and off the whole day, and I could feel I was detoxifying quite violently. Also, the insomnia arrived last night. Didn't sleep much.
I decided to break the fast today, because Michael is going away for the weekend, and I can't see myself lying here for four days, fasting completely on my own. Uh-uh.
So this morning I had orange juice in bed (brought to my by my dreamy hubby) and immediately felt better. At a more respectable hour, I got up and had two apples. I continiued chowing away steadily all day, and my energy levels swem to be close to normal again.

Would I do it again?
Sure. Probably next month.

Update on last post.

2006-06-03T18:50:00.000+02:00

I guess I knew it was too good to be true.

I've started having the familiar side-effects to fasting. I have a horrible, detox taste in my mouth. I feel a bit grotty, to be honest. Also, my stomach is completely empty, and I keep giving these little dry burps. Not nice at all.

I'm trying to focus on the bigger picture, though. How fabulous it will feel to be healthy.

But I'm still taking this fast one day at a time. Even if I feel I need to break it tomorrow, 3 days will still have been better than none, and I'll still feel proud of myself.

Hopefully I can hack it for a bit longer than that, though ;-)

Oh yeah, and the pain in my back is slightly better tonight. Let's be thankful for small mercies, hey.

Day 3...

2006-06-03T13:39:00.000+02:00

In my post yesterday, I forgot to mention something interesting. Michael has had a very irritating head cold for the past week. On Wednesday, I felt that oh-so-familiar irritation in my throat, and also started developing a feeble little cough. But the next day, I started my fast, and that sure sure put a stop to the cold. It didn't even have a chance to get off the run-way. Even though I know how powerful the healing is on a fast, I was still pleasantly surprised by the speed at which it acted. Usually, once I get the first symptoms of a cold, I know I'm in for it. Viva la fast!

I can't believe how good I feel on day 3 of my fast. I keep expecting to feel bad in the morning, and I don't. In fact, I feel so good, I keep wondering "Is this for real?"
Today, however, I did notice that I have a bit of a white coating on my tongue, which is a very good sign of detoxification. Welcome, friend!
I have no hunger whatsoever. I guess it's because I've been planning this fast for so long and I am psychologically ready for it.
I wonder if the fast is going so well because I preceded it with a 3 week juice fast earlier in the month. Or perhaps it is because I am more psychologically 'easy' this time round. I have a bit of experience under my belt, and I know what to expect.
Just to clarify matters, side-effects that I experienced on previous fasts included: extreme weakness, shortness of breath, severe insomnia, nausea, racing heart, irritibility, and a general spaced-out feeling.
Not all at once though, lol.
I did feel quite irritable last night, but that because of (severe) pain in my hips. It was so sore, I felt like crying last night as I got into bed. I just could get comfortable. It's a bit better today, thank godness.
Actually, I feel very blessed. I feel that this is a bountiful universe, and that I have been led to this way of letting my body get on with the business of healing itself. I've so had it with this disease.
I told my mom on the phone last night that maybe my hips are sore because they are in the process of being healed by the fast. She laughed, and said now that's what she calls optimism ;-) But there is a grain of truth in my theory. Sites of old injuries and pain etc, are known to act up on a fast, and then be fine after the fast is broken. Better than ever before! I can but hope, right?
Michael is being his usual, supportive self.
He did remark this afternoon that I'm looking very pale. No big surprise there - three days without food!
Sonja's Christopher was a week old on Thursday. I saw him yesterday, he is such a little darling.
I've had such a restful day so far. I've been lying in bed listening to CD's on my portable CD walkman. How cool is that? I've even managed to do a spot of healing visualisation and affirmations.
Can't wait for that first post-fast meal of pawpaw, banana and dates!
I didn't think I'd be updating my blog at all on this fast, on account of being so weak and feeling grotty. But I'm really feeling great so far. I just hope this keeps up!

So fast, so good... ;-)

2006-06-02T20:45:00.000+02:00

I'm feeling quite unbelievably perky after two days on water only. I'm very interested in how I will be feeling tomorrow morning. This is almost too good to be true!

We are having a really mild June so far. Unlike the nasty May we had! I've always avoided fasting in Winter, but this time round, I didn't want to put it off till Summer, so I bit the bullet. And it's really no different to fasting at any other time. i can't think why I've been such a wuss about it. As long as I have my trusty hot-water-bottle at hand...

Turns out there's a good reason that a baked-potato is high on the list of comfort foods. It contains tryptophan, which is turn is used by the brain to create serotonin, the feel-good stuff.
Also just saw a thing on tv about how they've stared dishing out chocolates at clubs in Britain, and it has helped curb the crime dramatically. I mean, we all knew it was good, but really... Man, I could do with some right now.

I'm really enjoying this fast so far. I feel the same as I always do, so far. Yesterday was my MIL's birthday, and we all went to eat out at SPUR. (Well, I went for the socialising, not the food, obviously, and it was well worth it). Actually, the food smelt a bit stodgy. I can't say that I was tempted. It was really nice though. I do love spending time with the family.

I got the surprise of my life on Wednesday. I got a phone call from one of my oldest friends, currently living in Mozambique. She was in Sa, and wanted to know if she and her boyfriend could come visit. It was so great. We had a lovely visit, the four of us, and Michael and I have officially been invited to go and visit them in Moz. Although from some of the hair-raising stories she told us I'm not sure if i want to, lol.

I love the feeling of being in control while on the fast. I feel as though I'm taking responsibility for my health. I'm not just handing everything over to a doctor and letting him do what he likes. "Here, take these pills. They'll probably kill you in the long run, but they might help for now".
First prize would of course be not having to take the cortisone anymore at all. But at this stage, even prolonging the time between doses would be a definite plus. And I've noticed that while on a fast, the ms seems to remain stagnant. I last took a gram of cortisone on the 10th of April, so if I could make it until 10th of July before taking more, that would be brilliant.
I also like the thought of my own, natural beta inteferon levels rising, which is what they do on a fast. That is the medicine that I was injecting a while back, although that, of course, was synthetic stuff, and had side-effects. Not so with my own, naturally produced ones. I feel so productive, lol.

Unfortunately, the pain in my hips has returned with a vengeance today. And it has been doing so well, too. Oh well, guess I can only hope for better luck tomorrow.

So worth the wiat...

2006-05-29T17:20:00.000+02:00

I watched LILI yesterday. I was afraid that it might be a bit of a let-down, as I had built it up so in my mind, but it wasn’t. It was just lovely. Completely charming and utterly enchanting, just as I had remembered from when I was 7 or 8. And I finally got to see the ending! It was well worth the wait. I feel as though a chapter of my childhood has finally been completed.
The film was made in 1953. It was a big hit in its day, and won at least one Oscar. The story is beautifully told, and superbly acted by the gorgeous Leslie Caron. It is one of the sweetest and most beautiful love stories I have ever watched. Really touches the heart. They just don’t make movies like this anymore.
As an added bonus, my mom and my granny, whom I haven’t seen in 7 months, came to watch it with me. What a great day.

Little Christopher is just the most gorgeous little fellow. I think he can pick up how very much wanted and loved he is by the whole family. I held him in my arms on Saturday at the hospital, and just bonded with the little sweetheart. I am so, so happy for Sonja and Jannie. They deserve their bundle of joy so very much.

On June 1 I start my water fast. I’ve been preparing for it for ages, and I think it will go well. Unfortunately, I think that the MS may be starting up again. I know from previous experience that it is not a good idea to mix fasting with a relapse. Still, I’ll give it a stab and see how it goes. My nearest and dearest aren’t so keen on me fasting. I don’t blame them, I think I stressed them out last time. But they also aren’t keen on me taking such regular doses of IV cortisone, and that is what I am trying to avoid.
I don’t want to set unrealistic expectations for this fast. I would like to do at least 7 days. According to the books that I have on the subject, one needs to fast for between 14 and 28 days to see significant benefits with a chronic illness. I would love to do at least two weeks, but I’ll have to see how it goes.
It’s scary once you’re on the fast. You don’t feel well, and pretty weak to boot. But the benefits are so huge that it is worth the discomfort. I intend to take it one day at a time, and see how it goes.

I am now the proud owner of a passport! I went and fetched it this morning. This is a big load off my mind.

I have a list of things I want to do before I start my water-fast. The passport was one of them. Getting my water distiller was another. BTW, my distiller is working brilliantly. Now I can have pure, distilled water on my fast.
Actually, I’ve done most of the things that I wanted to do already. .

My mom has lent me some really nice CD’s to listen to, and I have three new books to read that I’ve been waiting for for ages, so I’m covered as far as entertainment on the fast is concerned. And there’s the DsTV, of course. One of the worst things about the fast is the boredom and insomnia. I know this from past experience.

Each day that I fast at home saves Michael and I R1100. That is the cost per day at a fasting clinic. Michael was horrified by this, considering they don’t even have any catering costs, lol. For a 7 day fast, which is relatively short as far as fasts go, it would set a person back R7700, and that is for a room where you will be sharing! No thank you.I will be much more comfortable here at my own home.

Newsworthy day!

2006-05-25T21:07:00.000+02:00

I have SO much news, for a change.

Sonja’s Christopher has been born and he is just gorgeous1 Mother and child are doing fine. He weighs 3.775kg and is 51cm long. He also has flat ears. Sonja was worried that he’d inherit her ears, which she doesn’t like (even though there’s nothing wrong with them!) He was born with quite a bit of hair. Michael and I were the first members of the family to see him. He was in the incubator and was very restful, although he was obviously ‘checking the place out’, and wondering “where on earth am I now?” It was so special to be there to witness Sonja and Jannie’s special miracle.

I also got my water-distiller today (can I stand all the excitement, lol). I haven’t put it through its paces yet, although I have been reading all its pamphlets and getting to know it. Some of its parts needed to be washed, and stand overnight with the cleaning agent in. Tomorrow I have my first taste of home-distilled water. How my life has changed that this is now something that really excites m, lol. I have a lot still to say on the subject, and my experience with the supplier, which was very good. That’ll do for tomorrow’s post, however.

Another thing that happened this morning was that Bosveld Barbie next doot finally drove me over the edge. She played her backing music with the bass so loud this morning that I felt it vibrating in my body while I was in the bath! And it hurt my ears. It just carried on and on the whole morning. Then I realized that it was childish to fume and curse in my flat about it. I should act like a mature adult and go and see her. So I went and knocked on her door (between songs). I greeted her, and then remarked that she has a lovely voice (which is true, I’ve just had an overdose of it). I reading reading once that before criticizing, one should make a compliment. You catch more flies with honey, and all that…) Then I requested that she just turn down her bass a little, as it was overpoweringly loud. She took it well, and said that the amp is resting against our (communal) wall. That explains a lot! And said that they would move it. Yay! She thanked me for coming to talk to her in a civilized manner, and said I should come again if it was still bothering me. After that, the volume went down considerably. Much better. I feel quite proud of myself for sorting it out so amicably.
I had such a treat today. I bought a loaf of pure rye bread, and some raw honey to spread on it. So delicious. The honey, I saw after I got home, is unheated and unfiltered and basically just un-fiddled with. It’s also Badger Friendly. I was very pleased to read that, because I absolutely LOVE honey-badgers. I love watching wildlife doccies about them, and I even passed one at close quarters while on veld-school. It is a surprisingly big animal. I remember being very surprised as it trotted past me in the grounds one night.

Mother's Day

2006-05-14T15:31:00.000+02:00

Today has been splendid so far. The pain is infinitesimally better than it was yesterday, so it’s still improving. Yes! Tomorrow is my chiropractic appointment, and I think that should sort it out even more.

I got up at 6:15 this morning to catch a lift with Michael (on his way to the golf-course, of course) to my parents house so I could spend the morning with my mom on mother’s day. I haven’t seen much of her lately, so it was really great. We spent the whole time chatting, and the time just flew past. I had the most divine fruit salad there, too.

For lunch, I had dried figs and raisins. A bit too much, actually1 I certainly never meant it to be my lunch, but when I saw again, the packet was empty. This is not such a good idea, as dried fruit is very rich in concentrated fruit sugars, and the idea is just to have a little bit. Oh, well.

Michael and his dad have gone cycling, and when he gets back, we will go to visit our other mother :-)

Apparently we can look forward to a really cold week. Oh, no!

One of my friends celebrated her birthday today, as well as her first Mother’s Day since becoming a mom. How special is that? I haven’t spoken to her for a while, so it was nice hearing her voice when I phoned to wish her a happy day.

I hope our maid comes this week. She couldn’t make it last week, and you can tell, lol.

Still feeling very focused on my diet. This week I have to start with my one-day water-fast (per week). I have a lot of faith in this program. I really do think it’s the way forward for me. And one day a week is very manageable.
LOL. Michael says we saved a lot of money while I was on my juice fast. Not just from my side, but because he’s not having fizzy drinks and chocolates. That is just a nice bonus, isn’t it?

Good morniing sunshine.

2006-05-13T10:09:00.000+02:00

I feel so psyched for life this morning. Isn't it just great waking up feeling like this?

Pain is ever so slightly subdued. I'll get the better of it yet.

Had some delicious grapes for breakfast. And later there's a papino and some dates that have my name on them.

My Kalahari book order is finally at the post office. I'll either get it today or Monday. Yay!

I plan to spend some significant time in the sun and outdoors today. I spend way too much time in the house during the week. I also want to start working on my deepbreathing exercises. It's so much fun to buy the books that explain how to do these things, but a bit harder to actually get yourself to do them. Nevertheless, no time like the present. Let's face it, I do have the time, lol.

I also have to make work on those positive affirmations of mine. I've been slipping there.

I have the most beautiful CD that I am listening to at the moment: Classical Music for Meditation. It's so lovely, I could listen to it all day.

The 3rd season of the British: Strictly Come Dancing starts this evening. That should be interesting. I do love watching ballroom dancing. That's what M doesn't understand. I also like watching sport, it's just very different to his kind of sport, lol. (BTW ballroom dancing is an official sport). I can't wait for when I can start dancing again.

I feel more and more focused on my healthy eating plan. The desire for fast-food and snacks is slipping away. I'm craving things like dates, macadamia nuts, raisins and all kinds of fruits. I had a carrot yesterday that tasted like some real special gourmet treat. That is probably one of the most marvelous effects of a fast, how it makes you crave healthier food.

Food never tasted this good!

2006-05-12T20:48:00.000+02:00

Today was quite nice indeed. I didn’t eat all that much, I guess my stomach has shrunk a bit. But what I did eat was so delicious! I had apples for breakfast (4), apples for lunch (5) and for supper I had a nice, ripe avo, 5 cherry tomatoes and a carrot, sprinkled with onion flakes, sesame seeds and lemon juice. That was truly divine. I can’t believe how very much I enjoyed such simple fare.

I left the house for the first time since Tuesday’s doctor visit to go to the mini-supermarket with Michael to procure some yummy goodies. Most notably, a papino, which I have been lusting for. I got a lovely specimen. Also, the aforementioned avo, tomatoes, a pineapple, honeydew melon (my favourite) and a bunch of grapes for breakfast tomorrow. I did enjoy my little foraging trip. I’m walking very gingerly on account of my hips, etc, but I have such a lot for stability than I’ve had for quite some time. It was very enjoyable.

I saw a girl there that I used to work with. Can’t believe how much she has changed. She waved me over (I hadn’t seen her) and spoke so pleasantly to me, She used to be very annoying and downright unpleasant sometimes. Also not that good-looking. Now she looks beautiful! She has matured so much, and become charming. Can’t believe that a person can change that much. I wonder what she thought of me? Of course, I didn’t bother changing out of my tracksuit, which would have necessitated a trip upstairs. How true it is that if you venture out looking a bit skuzzy you can be sure to run into someone you know!

We got home, ate in front of the tv, and then Michael spoke to my BIL, Tommie on the phone. They chatted about golf for a while, and when M hung up, he said he was going to pop over to their house quick. He left, and was back in record time, bearing two packets of DATES in his hands. Bless Melany and Tommie. This meant so much to me, that they had thought of getting that for me, knowing that I had broken my fast. I can’t wait until tomorrow morning for those dates. Thanks guys!

The pain wasn’t too bad today. Dare I say it? I think it might finally be getting better. I still plan to go to my follow-up appointment at the chiropractor’s on Monday, though, regardless. My regular guy will be back then.
Funny how my diet just reset itself back to my old, healthy patterns. Even now that I’m off the juice fast, I have no desire too cram junk down my throat as fast as I can, which is a relief. I plan to stick to a good program of nutritious, raw foods for a month.

Days 20-23

2006-05-11T20:25:00.000+02:00

Day 20

Wow, three weeks are nearly up. I can’t believe how fast the time has passed. For once, time is working for me. I normally don’t like the speed at which time passes, the way the year is running out. We’re already in May, can you believe it?! But with the fast, I don’t mind the time passing because it just brings me one step closer to my goal. Before you know it, two months will have passed. That is the maximum time that I will fast for. Hope I don’t look like someone from a concentration camp by then, though. But like they say: Drastic times call for drastic measures.

Michael did sleep out last night, at a larney guest-lodge in Jo’burg. I remember thinking to myself with my luck there would be a power blackout. I shouldn’t have even thought it. There was indeed a blackout. Only for an hour, fortunately, and the lights came back on just before Pricess Diaries started, so I was happy. Couldn’t find the candles, though, so I drew open the curtains, as it was a bright, moonlit night. That way, I could at least see to walk around. I phoned my mom-in-law to hear if there power was also off. On hearing that I didn’t have the candles close by, she suggested I use Michael’s bicycle’s headlight. It is a bright, fluorescent light, and I could have kicked myself. I sat there in the dark with a powerful light not much further than arm’s length away from me. Shortly after that, the lights came back on.

I got an appointment for the stand-in chiropractor tomorrow morning at twenty to ten. Although I’m feeling a bit nervous, as he’s not my regular guy, I’m very excited at not being in pain anymore. It’s really been too long.

I had a lovely, restful day. Really very peaceful. It’s so nice, because even though I’m not doing much, I feel as though I’m being constructive just by being on the fast. Quite a nice feeling actually. I did spend quite a bit of time fantasizing about food, though, lol.

I’ve Never…

I’ve never taken recreational drugs.
I’ve never tried smoking cigarettes.
(Never saw the need).
I’ve never been overseas.
I’ve never been pregnant.
I’ve never been to varsity.
I’ve never wished I were someone else.
I’ve never given up without a fight.
I’ve never lived alone.
I’ve never regretted marrying Michael.
I’ve never regretted getting married young (21).
I’ve never had my belly-button pierced or gotten a tattoo.
I’ve never not known what I wanted to do with my life. I’ve just had a couple of stumbling blocks along the way.
I’ve never won anything in a luck-generated competition. I did win the relationship-lottery, though :-)
I never knew that there could be such closeness, friendship and passion in a marriage.
I never knew that in the same marriage, you can drive each other up the walls, lol.
I’ve never stopped believing that I can overcome this disease.
I’ve never believed that the Lord meant me to lead a small and sick life.

Day 21:

I seem to be undergoing some mental changes on the fast. I feel very contemplative, about my life and in general. I could happily just sit in the company of my own thoughts all day. Which is basically what I’ve been doing. Apart from watching BBC FOOD channel, lol. Michael thinks I am some kind of masochist.

I feel excited about my future. I can’t see myself going back to the company where I used to work, and do admin-type work. What I can see myself doing, is to complete a course that I have my eye on (correspondence) about Natural Hygiene, which is the lifestyle and way of eating that I believe in. I can see myself being a Nutritional Consultant, and helping people eat better. I like the idea of working out proper diets and eating plans for people to follow. I have been reading up on the subject for years and I really believe in the power of proper nutrition. But I look forward to getting a proper qualification for it.

I went to see the chiropractor today. Very young-looking guy. I didn’t realize he was the doctor. I thought he was a patient himself. In fact, he was walking awkwardly when he came into the waiting room to fetch me. (The reason for this was because there is a slight, uneven ramp by the door). Anyway, I thought, “That poor guy, let me not stare). Then he walked right over to me, introduced himself (by his first name) and asked me to come through to his consulting room.
His approach is slightly different to the one I’m used to, but he’s thorough, and seems to know his stuff. He ruled out that the pain in my hip might be from a very aggressive disease caused by the cortisone. I am so, so relieved about that, as it has been playing on my mind a lot.
He was manipulating my leg to see where it hurt in preparation for jerking it back into place. I gave a little squawk that had not meant to be audible. “Did I hurt you,” he said, all concerned.
“Er…no, it’s just the anticipation,” I replied, with a nervous laugh.
I had a good laugh at myself when I got home about that.
My hip seemed to click in nicely and he gave me some exercises to do that will help the joint. All in all, a good experience. I’ll probably see my regular guy next Monday for a follow-up, though.

So far the pain is still very much present, but I know from experience that it will take a while to calm down.

I’m feeling really hungry tonight. Small wonder. It’s a whole 3 weeks since I last had solid food. Weight is hovering just under 50kg still, so looks like I’m good to go for another couple of weeks. I set the duration of my fast for somewhere between 4-8 weeks. Not < 4, not > 8. Man, but I’m looking forward to that first apple after I’ve broken the fast!

My mom remains very impressed at my ambulatory progress. She says that she hasn’t seen me walking this well in a long time.

Day 22:

Still feeling pretty hungry this morning. The pain is quite bad. I can feel that I had work done on my hips yesterday. I think I’d better go downstairs and make myself some pineapple juice. I’m feeling a bit weak.

I’ve made a bit of a connection about these weekly bouts of weakness and hunger. It is when I drink the bottled prune-juice. Apart from being cooked, and perhaps because of it, it contains very concentrated sugars. I think this interferes with my blood-sugar levels, hence the weakness. Well, that’s the last time I do that.

Annie phoned me today, a bit tearful. She’s going through a bit of a rough time. I wish I could drive through to Jo’burg to go and put my arms around her.

I used to be under the false impression that other people, who have their health, more or less, are happier than I am. I look around me and I see this isn’t so. Considering what I have to put up with, and even notwithstanding, I am one of the happiest people I know. Many people just are not happy with their lives. They do nothing but complain about them, making no attempt to fix what is wrong. I guess this is the type of thing you see clearly in other people, and never pick up about yourself. Michael would probably disagree with me, as he has been subject to a fair amount of complaining from me this past while. But that may have something to do with the fact that I’ve been in severe pain, and can’t take pain-killers because I’m on a fast. I should really have gone to the chiropractor’s ages ago.

I caught an excellent movie on tv this afternoon, Before Sunset, with Ethan Hawke. It is exactly the kind of low-key movie that I enjoy. No action or special-effects, just sharp dialogue, good acting and a lovely story. Quite charming.
It goes about a couple that have one passionate encounter while on vacation in Europe, and then lose touch with each other accidentally. They meet up nine years later, to discover that although they have changed, along with their circumstances, they still have feelings for each other.
The whole movie plays off in Paris, with really nice background footage, and in scene after scene, all you see is the couple talking to each other, picking up exactly where they left off. I really enjoyed it.

The pain has been bad all day, but as I recall, it is always the day after a visit to the chiro that is the worst. So hopefully tomorrow will be a bit better.

Day 23:

Today was an average fasting day, except for one thing: I BROKE MY FAST! And believe me, I’m as surprised as anybody. It was as a result of a couple of things. Firstly, I was feeling irritated by the singing coming from next door. I’ve really had an overdose of that woman’s voice – the WHOLE afternoon. But I don’t think that was quite the reason, lol. I read one of my fasting books, and the doctor that wrote it isn’t that impressed with juice-fasting versus water-fasting. He gave some very valid reasons, too. I’ve always thought that water fasting was superior, even though markedly less comfortable to actually do. I am very pleased with my juice-fast, but I don’t want to deplete my reserves too much, as I still plan on following a water-fasting program in the not-too-distant future.
But that still wasn’t the whole reason. The other is that I’m so tired of making juice with aching hips. I’ve really had it with the pain, and trying to fast at the same time. At this stage, I don’t even need comfort food. Any food will do! Ha ha. I’ll do another fast when my hip and back pain is GONE, thank you very much.
Speaking of which, the pain is marginally better today. At least it seems to be moving in the right direction since my chiropractor visit.
It was quite surreal, breaking the fast. I wasn’t feeling particularly hungry or anything. I just felt ready to break it. Those first few apples that I had were really gourmet-class yum! I’ve had 7 apples since breaking the fast. Doesn’t seem to be any problems so far. Tomorrow I’m hoping to get hold of a ripe avo. Can’t wait. Wonder if Woolworths has any dates I stock?

All in all, a very good experience. I’m very satisfied with my 22,5 day juice-fast.
Oh, and I lost about 3-4 kg. Nothing too drastic. Unfortunately I can’t post my ‘after’ photo, as we are still waiting for our new camera.

Thank you for all the positive and helpful comments, and sharing this experience with me.

Day 19. Reflections on why's and wherefore's.

2006-05-07T10:51:00.000+02:00

Day 19 is going super so far. Michael made me orange and grapefruit juice in bed - how spoiled am I? It's so great that he is supporting me in this. He says that he's proud of me for doing it, and helps me a lot with the practicalities of juicing. This is of inestimable value. All the fasting books say not to surround yourself with people who don't understand, and give negative (albeit concerned) criticism the whole time. But Michael is an intelligent and sensitive soul. He knows this is my best bet. He's against me doing a water-fast again though, lol. I think I may have traumatised him and my mom during my last water-fast. I got very weak and feeble, ha ha, but I try to explain to them that it was because I was already in the throes of as MS relapse. It's been well noted to myself, however: DON"T FAST DURING A RELAPSE< DAMMIT! It really makes things worse.

At twelve, my mom and Taryn (the fabulous niece and goddaughter of mois) will be coming to visit. I am really looking forward to that. Michael might be sleeping over in Joburg for work purposes tonight. (He'll be attending a meeting tomorrow morning). However, he is currently playing club championships at the golf-course, and I don't know if he'll be finished in time to go. It's not absolutely necessary for him to attend, so he may end up not going. If he does, though, I'll be happy enough on my own. The Princess Diaries 2 is showing tonight, and I've really been looking forward to that. Also, the repeat of The Butterfly Effect, so I can finally watch the ending.

Something I've been meaning to address:

My reasons for going on the juice fast:

I have been inching my way up the scale of disability (in the wrong direction!) I am currently between 5.5 and 6 on this scale. My concern is that there has been a major decline since a year ago. A year ago, I could still walk relatively normally. I went shopping, without aid. Went to the hypermarket and mall if I felt like it. Michael and I went on trips, we visited more with friends and I even still did my own housework (I use that phrase in it's loosest form, lol). I had no problem doing the washing, hanging it up, etc. I did a lot more cooking than I do now, had dinner parties etc. That has all changed. Any of the above has become a major effort, and needs a lot of planning. Some of the things I just plain can't do anymore.

Fortunately, I am able to walk again. At one stage, this was only a dream. I am so grateful for this, but it is a place to which I do not wish to return.
Now, MS is considered incurable in the medical profession. The best treatment available is the beta inteferon drugs, which did not work for me. Also, the cortisone treatment which does help to stop my relapses has become way too frequent. The long-term side-effects are frightening, especially some things that I found out recently which I don't even want to discuss. So, basically, prognosis is not looking that great. A lot of PwMS are in a wheelchair after ten years of having the disease.

Bring in the juice-fasting.
Fasting is not a magic cure. But what it does do is to give the body a rest, so that the true miracle can happen. Yousee, our bodies are designed to heal themselves. But with the way that most of us (myself, certainly) eat, so much of the bodily energy is diverted to try and digest the large and indigestible meals we are continuously eating, that the body never gets a chance to 'clean-house'.
After three days of fasting, the digestive process shuts down, and suddenly all that available energy gets to work on cleaning up the mess one has made of one's body. After the stored resources of the body have been digested, the body starts on Autolysis mode, where it begins to self-digest. This sounds scary, but in truth the body is very discriminate in this, and starts with cells that are diseased, dead or damaged. Isn't that clever. Herein lies the basis of fasting effect. The diseased parts are digested and toxins are released into the blood-stream to be eliminated. This is why one generally doesn't feel too good on a water fast, especially, as all those toxins are being released.

I realise now, in retrospect, that I was very naive to think that my ten-day water fast that I did some years ago, would cure me. I was so disappointed that I had to have cortisone again. The fast did help to reverse some disability, but it never cured me. Now I understand that it is a long process and a lifestyle. A ten-day fast is not going to reverse a whole lifetime of abuse to one's body.
My favourite new referance article abouot fasting suggests that it will probably take three months of (water) fasting to get rid of a chronic illness. Not continuous fasting, but a series of fasts inbetween which very nutricious and healthy food is eaten. I see it now as a year, or two-year long process. There is no quick cure.

So after I have finished my juice-fast, I will continue to eat very healthy, mostly raw foods and to continue with periodic fasts until I have sorted myself out for good.

Goals for the juice fast, what I hope to achieve:

My first and foremost goal is to arrest the disease. I need to stop it's activity in my body.
I will still make use of the IV cortisone where neccessary until this is achieved, to prevent further disability.
My next goal would be to reverse disability that has already occurred, which I fully believe is possible.
I see myself making a full recovery and going on to lead a completely normal life. I believe this is important to believe in, because one has to have something to believe in, right, and why not reach for the stars.

On a last note, I'm really psyched to go see the (stand-in) chiropractor this week. You know why!

Oh, and we heard back from the insurance, and might be getting our new camera this week. We might belatedly try and have it fixed, though, as this might be a better option. Our cammie is insured for R4500, and as the rand is much stronger than it was, you can get a camera for the same specifications as ours for a much cheaper price. So the insurance wants to palm off a cheaper camera (albeit with the same specs) on us, than the amount that we are insured for, which I think is unfair. We have, after all, been paying high premiums because of the high value of the camera. That is nonsense. So we're going to look into having it fixed and cancelling the claim, as it would mean losing our 'no-claim' bonus next year, of about R3000.

Day 18 of my juice fast

2006-05-06T10:57:00.000+02:00

The pain is feeling a bit better this morning, but I’m nt getting too excited, as it usually feels better in the morning, and accelerates during the course of the day. Oh, I’m counting the days (or ‘sleeps’ as the kids say) till I can go see that chiropractor!

There are two things that I need to change regarding my juice fast today. The one is that I need to start wearing my rubber gloves when I wash the (many) juice ‘dishes, i.e. the juicing machine etc. My hands are getting so dry and chapped from the constant washing.
The 2nd thing, is that I need to start having smaller portions of juice at a time. The whole idea is to give your digestive system a rest, but I’m overloading it by having too whopping a glass at a time. 8oz is the recommended amount. I’ll have to check, but if memory serves, that is around 300ml, or just under. (I’m a metric girl, born and bred. What can I say?)
My reasoning was that if I have large amounts, then I have to actually go to the trouble of making the juice less. I can’t make juice more than 5 times a day, it’s like a full-time job already! But to solve that, I’m going to make the same amount, but refrigerate half for later. This is not ideal, because after ten minutes, max, valuable enzymes are lost, but I think it’s better than overloading a resting system.

I watched a good movie yesterday, The Butterfly Effect. I have a new respect for Ashton Kutcher, who was being ridiculously typecast after his role in That 70’s Show. He played his role well here. It’s not my usual type of movie, but I was intrigued. It’s about this guy who had blackouts as a childhood. On reaching adulthood, he starts remembering details of his blackouts, and subsequently discovers how to go back in time to these events, and change them. But the more he goes back, the more he affects the future, and not necessarily in a good way. Unfortunately, the tape ran out at the end, so I’ll have to wait until Sunday to catch the ending. Thank goodness it’s repeating.

I weighed myself this morning, just in my undies, and I now weigh just under 50kg’s. I’m starting to look a little skinny, but I guess that’s the price I have to pay for now. I’m still nowhere near as painfully thin as I was a few years back, just after being diagnosed with ms. My weight went down to abut 45-46kg, and that was during a time when I was eating large amounts of food, including a lot of carbs. In fact, my weight only (conversely) returned to normal after my ten-day water fast. This is the weight regulating power of a fast.
But I must admit, much as I dislike the weight-loss (I think it takes me back to memories I’d rather forget), I do enjoy no longer having the piglet roll of fat around my middle. I’ll really have to guard against that when I start eating again. Pilates, here I come.

I’ve read that during a fast, one might experience pain at the sites of old injuries as they heal. I don’t know if this is connected at all, but the night before last, I had some mild tooth pain, right where I had the periodontal surgery last year. It was gone the following morning. Coincidence?

I was thinking this morning, that if I have adjusted well to the circumstances of this illness, then Michael has done so ten-fold. He handles everything like such a star, which I think only the minority of spouses in this situation can do. In fact, I read the other day that ms has the highest suicide and divorce rate of any disease. Don’t know how true this is, but I do know that a lot of people with ms that I’ve spoken to on the net, have been abandoned by their spouses.
But I digress…what I’m trying to say is that I’m so proud of Michael. I think that we have both grown such a lot on this journey of ours.I realize now that loving someone is different from being ‘in love’ with them. I’m still in love with Michael, very much so. But I truly love him on a very different level. I’m so glad that we found each other.

Pain, pain, go away...

2006-05-05T21:01:00.000+02:00

I’ve been in quite severe pain with my back since last night. I’m at the end of my tether. This is a bit of a family joke, because I like to say that I’m at the end of my tether. But what does on e do when you’re at the end of your tether? You still have to carry on, same as always.

I phoned this morning to make an appointment with my chiropractor, but he’s away till the fifteenth. That’s ten days away! How am I going to make it? I took it ultra easy today, didn’t go anywhere or do anything, and it’s still aching. There is someone another chiro standing in for him, which I automatically declined, but I am reconsidering. I need to get this sorted out.

The juice-fast, by comparison, is a walk in the park. Day 17 went by very well. Michael, the sweetheart, came home with some Eastern Cape pineapples for me. I think the name is cayenne pines, and they are much bigger than queen pineapples, and much juicier, too. Just what the doctor ordered for a juice fast.

Never thought I’d say it, but I actually looked forward to my spinach and cucumber juice today. I put in 3 tomatoes, my usual clove of garlic and half of a big, juice Woolworths lemon. It was really nice, like a tomato cocktail.

I’ve been thinking about food a lot today, and what I’ll be eating when I come off the fast. As usual, (when on a fast) what appeals the most is a nice, ripe avocado pear. Normally, I’m not too much of an avo fan, but after a fast I’d kill for one. Must be the fat content or something. Can’t wait. Also fantasizing about bananas and dates.
Michael went to babysit Quintus tonight. I hear his car coming in now. Poor little Jason has to have grommets put in his ears tonight, under anesthetic. I hope the procedure goes well. I think M and Q will have a good time, though. They are going to get take-aways and play games on Q’s new playstation. It is nice that they will be able to spend the evening together with no-one else around. They have such a special bond, those two.

Day 16

2006-05-04T20:31:00.000+02:00

Not much to report about day 16. Felt a bit weak this morning, but after my juice I was fine again.

It’s funny, but like anything else, this has become a habit, after doing it for 16 days. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel like eating, but it doesn’t bug me that much. I mean, today when Michael had our favourite pizza, it smelt damn good, but I wasn’t unhappy about the fact that I couldn’t eat it.

Today was my godson, Quintus’ 6th birthday. Can’t believe what a little man he s already. It was so nice to see him with his peers. He was really ‘one of the lads’. His mom threw him a really lovely party, and they had the most unbelievable cake made. It was just fantastic.

I’m feeling very unhappy about the fact that the doctors have been giving me such high (and necessary) doses of cortisone. What do they care? It isn’t their bodies suffering from the side-effects. This last gram that I took worked just as well, if not better, than the full 5g course they normally give me. It was my own initiative to try a lower dose, otherwise they’d still be pumping me full of the stuff. I think it’s verging on medical malpractice. Still, at least I know now.

I watched the Weakest Link today. I love that show. I love Trivial Pursuit type game-shows, but I also really like the byplay between the host and contestants in this particular show. I think Fiona is so witty, and must be very intelligent, the way she thinks on her feet. Apart from the show, she’s also a playwright, and her work is highly acclaimed.
I would love to be a contestant on the show. The only thing that worries me is how cool will it look to do ‘the walk of shame’ with an orthopedic walking aid, lol.

Still toying with the idea of including a mini water-fast in my juice fast. I think I’d quite like a day or two of rest, where I don’t have to make juice five million times ;-) Plus, it will speed up the whole detox process.

I phoned the insurance company today and set the ball in motion for us to get our new camera. They are going to have it evaluated to see if it can be fixed. If not, they’ll replace it, otherwise they’ll pay to have it repaired. So either way, we should have a functioning camera soon. Yay!
The weight is coming off very gradually, but I’d like to take another photo to compare it to my first one.

Day 15

2006-05-03T12:06:00.000+02:00

Despite the miserable weather outside, I feel happy and loved. And warm inside and cosseted. The luckiest girl in the world!

I didn’t sleep much last night, as my knees were too sore. When Michael’s alarm went off at 5:30, I was already awake. We had such a lovely time, talking in bed before he got up. He said he has respect for me, because he only had back-pain for a few days, and only has to exclude three items in his diet. I appreciated hearing this. He is so supportive to me when I need it most. He also said that he’s found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and it’s called Maggie. That really warmed the cockles of my heart. And I thought we were going to be dealing with coffee withdrawal symptoms! He did say that it’s harder than he thought it would, though (not drinking coffee) He was drinking up to four or five large mugs a day. I suggested he buy some Milo, as it is winter and it’s nice to have something hot to drink. I love Milo, anyway. I don’t think it’s a punishment by any stretch of the imagination.

Day fifteen is going pretty well so far. I’m tempted to throw in a coupla days water fasting here and there, to speed up the healing process. Detoxification is markedly speedier on a water fast. Unfortunately, the side-effects are a bit heavy, too. No pain, no gain, I guess. If it was easy, everyone would water fast. I’m not looking forward to that ‘blah’ feeling, I must say. Maybe I’ll just stick to the juice. It seems to be working pretty well.

Juice-fasting seems to be a pore-minimizer J Who knew?

I wish my book order would hurry up and come. Fortunately, it’s LOST tonight. Did I mention I’m totally into it again? I’m giving SURVIVOR a miss this season. I find it too much to watch more than one season a year. But I think I will give DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES a try tomorrow and see what all the fuss is about. BTW, I’m sticking to my no-daytime-tv rule, even with the DStv. Not that it’s an effort. I’m not too much of a television junkie. Give me a book any day.

I found such nice recipes in YOU magazine. I think I must start making myself a recipe book. I can’t wait till I’m off my fast to try and make them. The one is a sort of ginger cake, with caramel icing. I love ginger. Then there’s a nice recipe for chocolate brownies, which I’ve always wanted to try and make. And there’s also a recipe for biscotti. I’ve never had biscotti, but I’m intrigued.

The dirty washing situation here is reaching epidemic proportions. The weather is so nasty outside. I’ve told Michael to stop by Mr Price and buy himself another jean (they’re on special for R79) to tide him over. He does need one, though. He only has about four or so long pants, some of which are nearing the end of their productive lifespan.

My dad bought me a very realistic stuffed rotweiller at the Rand Show. It has the softest fur. He said I don’t need to feed it, just to give it a bit of love. Ha ha. I actually find myself stroking it while I’m watching tv. I had hardly any stuffed toys when I was a kid. I was a bit of a tomboy, not one of those little girls who slept with an army of soft toys on her bed. But since reaching adulthood, everyone seems to have this need to buy me stuffed animals. I don’t know why. Maybe I just have that kind of face, lol. Still, I can’t help enjoying them. They’re so cute.

Dolly Parton next door started singing before 8:30 this morning. Loudly. She has an amplifier. And quite a limited repertoire. I’m not a big fan of country music, or any other music, at that time of the morning, especially when I haven’t slept the night before. I think it’s time to bring out my harmonica again, lol. That should cramp her style.

Day 14 - two weeks!

2006-05-02T17:17:00.000+02:00

Today was a good day. Weather-wise, it’s been a windy, wet and miserable day, but for me personally, it rocked. I’ve hacked it for two weeks on this juice fast, and I feel so relaxed and happy. I only hope the next two weeks pass as smoothly.

We got our first DStv guide today. And what a surprise was awaiting me!
There is this movie that I remember from my childhood, called Lili. It’s an Oscar-winning musical, filmed in 1953, starring the gorgeous Leslie Caron, and based on a book by Paul Gallico. I have been searching for it for years, since I can remember. See, I never saw the ending. I must have been about eight or so, and the movie left a very lasting impression on me. I can even still remember the songs in it, even though I only saw it the once.
About a year ago, I ordered the DVD online (Ebay). I paid for it (R90) but never received it, even after entering into a long and annoying correspondence with the seller, a real ‘fly by night’. The disappointment was immense.
So I joked to Michael that the one reason I would like to get dish was in case Lili showed on the TCM channel.
So, bearing in mind that this is our first month with satellite, imagine my immense joy when I opened the tv guide, ran and eye down the A-Z movie list, and saw that Lili will be showing on the 28th of May. I could hardly contain myself! How will I be able to wait until then?

Dolly Parton next door is starting to get on my nerves. She accosted me outside our flat the other day and asked if I mind her singing in the afternoons. I was gagging form the cigarette smoke she was blowing into my face. Some people. But being the wimp that I am, I said no, I don’t mind, lol.

The pain in my hips is more manageable these past few days. However, Michael’s back is also sore, and he is starting to panic about it, because he has golf club championships coming up this week, as well as a grueling cycle race next month that he has to train for. So he wants to go see the chiropractor. I think I better tag along and go, too. Maybe he’ll give us a special ‘two for the price of one’ deal, as Mel says.

I discovered something very valuable today. I have been battling to strain my juices properly. The juices must be strained, because if the pulp is left in, the stomach recognizes it as food, and it kick-starts the digestion process. I got a little tea-strainer, but then saw that it has a mesh made of Aluminium, which is my kryptonite, ha ha. I have a little plastic strainer, but it lets some of the pulp through. So yesterday, I had a total brainwave. I could use one of the tiers of my sprouting table, which is designed to allow water to drip through to the bottom layer. I tried it out today, and it works like an absolute bomb! And it was lying there all along in my drawer while I was battling, lol.

I got a lovely surprise today. Downloaded e-mail and received one from my good friend Laura, depicting pictures of her little boy, who is the most gorgeous child ever! It gives me a lot of hope, as Laura also has ms, and since falling pregnant has never looked back. Little Hayden is as healthy as can be. I’m so happy for her.

Day 13

2006-05-01T18:03:00.000+02:00

Last night’s post may have been a bit weird, but that’s me all over again past midnight. What can I say?

I feel brilliant today. I’m so glad I didn’t bomb out and break my fast last night. I felt ever so slightly light-headed this morning when I got up, but nothing to write home about. My energy levels are good again, and even the sore hips haven’t been too bad today. Life is good.

My weight today is 53kg (with takkies and a jacket on).

My 13th day has really gone so well. It’s really a good rule of thumb that if you feel like breaking your diet, in this case a juice diet, give it a day or two and see if you still feel the same. Chances are you may feel like continuing. I feel all fired up today, and ready for another two weeks. I’m really pleased with myself that I didn’t fold over the first hurdle.

The thing is, two weeks on a juice fast will have undeniably beneficial results. I feel pretty good. BUT in my case it will not be enough. For a serious health complication or chronic illness, a longer fast is required. I’m really tired of having to take cortisone all the time and worrying about the long-term side-effects. The way I see it, this is my best bet and I intend to follow it through.

Another thing is that it occurred to me today that as long as I have periods where my walking is awkward, this recurring problem with my hips will persist. In fact, if I don’t make a plan, and soon, I may sit with sore hips for the rest of my life. And that I can do without, thank you very much.

My sis-in-law, Jannette, told me today that she thinks it’s brave of me to be on this juice-fast. My answer to her was that this is not brave. To NOT be on the fast, now that would be brave. No person who does not have ms, knows how truly scary it can be. A juice fast is really a walk in the park by comparison.

We went to our local Fish Aways restaurant today for Michael. Unlike yesterday, the smell of food didn’t bother me in the slightest. In fact, I enjoyed it. Mel and family also came to eat there (by chance) and it was good seeing them.

I had my ‘green’ juice this morning. Spinach, cabbage, cucumber and coriander. I used to really battle to get these down, but my latest trick is to add a tomato, half a lemon and a clove of garlic, which does improve the taste a LOT. Unfortunately, though, I reeked quite a lot of garlic. Michael says his eyes were watering in the car, lol.

M and I went to visit my parents today. We had a good time there, and my parents were both very impressed by the improvement in my walking. My mom told me that she hasn’t seen me walking that well for a very long time.

On the way back, Michael wanted a Wimpy coffee. Now, today is the first day of his ‘no coffee/ fizzy drinks/ chocolate’ month according to the bet which he lost. So I said no. But I did say that we could stop for a MILO. We did that, and he had it at home with a slice of banana-bread, so don’t feel too sorry for him.
For the amount of coffee that he was drinking, I think we can soon expect some withdrawal symptoms. Oh goody. Not.

Tonight is Boston Legal. I do like that show. Alan Shore just cracks me up.
I’m so hoping that my book order comes this week. It is very late, as the supplier was out of stock for one of the books. I really can’t wait!

Six months ago...

2006-04-30T22:33:00.000+02:00

I just visited the website of The Nocturnal Wench, who is in a contemplative mood. (I can't leave a comment, Wenchy, the page just up and aborts every time).

Anyway, she posed the question of how things have changed in one's life when compared to six months ago. This got me thinking.

Six months ago I had just had dental surgery. (There are Mike and I pictured in the hospital just before the op). I kind of regret having it done, but I know that I would regret it more if I hadn't had it done.
It brings to mind the saying: the more things change, the more they stay the same. I was in pain then, I'm in pain now (albeit a different sort of pain). I had ms then, and apparently I still have it now. I was excited about the effect of the op then, and I'm excited about the effect of my fast now.
Not a helluva lot has changed.

But watch this space in six months time...
I'm glad I wrote this seemingly pointless post. It has given me tremendous motivation for my fast. I realised that I don't want to look back in 6 months or a year from now and still be battling with the same old sh*t. It's onwards and upwards from here on. I still firmly belive that the human body is one mean, lean healing machine, if just given the chance. So next time I feel like getting stuck into cake or pizza or whatever, I'll just remind myself that nothing tastes as good as feeling great.

I guess I'm a bit obssessed by my health, but I've been thinking a lot lately. I have so many unfulfilled ambitions and dreams still to achieve, but to do so, I need my health. So that is my first port of call, it's as simple as that. Once I've figured that out, then I can move on to more interesting things.

I see a glorious future stretching out ahead of Michael and I, two kids, a picket fence and golden retriever, the works. We love each other so much, I just cannot conceive of us not beating this thing together.

Day 12 - continued...

2006-04-30T21:44:00.000+02:00

Oh, I've really had it with this constant pain! I think i must make an appointment to see my chiropractor this week, much as I don't relish that thought! I just can't live with it anymore, it's wearing me down. Not only that, but it is making my fast so much more difficult than it would ordinarily have been.
Speaking of which, I very nearly broke my fast tonight. I felt so hungry, and I've been thinking of food all day. Michael had the most delicious smelling toast for supper, with ham, tomato and salad on. I wanted to snatch it and stuff it down my throat, lol. He then had a slice of the black-forest cake that is languishing in our fridge. I felt weak and fed-up, and started on the unhelpful thought train of asking questuions like, "Why am I doing this?" Then I thought that I would just do it for another two days, thus completing two weeks.
Fortunately, I got a grip on myself. I decided to have my 'supper' of apple and pineapple juice, and to see how i felt after that. Well, it did wonders to revive my flagging spirits. I feel like I can tackle this thing head-on again. I've decided that every time I feel like quitting, I have to give it at least one more day, in case the feeling (hopefully) passes. No-one said this was going to be easy, anyway.
I have noticed some benefits already from the fast, as far as my health goes, most notably my gait and my eyesight. I've also stopped experiencing flashing purple lights when I swivel my eyes in their sockets to look left or right, which is a big improvement.
Tomorrow is Day 13, so I can't quit yet anyway. That would be unlucky, lol. (I'm only superstitious when it suits me, ha ha)
I had such a lovely weekend with my Michael. It never ceases to amaze me how we just never run out of things to talk about. He's a lot of fun to live with (most of the time, lol), a real laugh-riot. I like being married to my best friend. I told him tonight that I don't think I would have come this far on the fast if it weren't for him. He is unfailingly supportive, both emotionally and physically, by going out and 'hunting' for items for me to juice, and washing my juicer for me a lot of the time. Some mornings, he even comes back home during work-hours to make me 'juice in bed'. How sweet is that? He's just the best.
I loved seeing my sisters this weekend. Annie in particular, as I still haven't gotten used to her living in Jozi. I'm so proud of the incredible woman that she has become.
I hope these bloody bullets are going to show up when I publish this post. Some of the templates don't support bullets and I think this may be one of them. I really need to learn a bit of html.
I found a really brilliant website on juice-fasting today. Looks to be the best one I've come across yet. I've saved it on our pc, and will peruse it at my leisure tomorrow.
I'm going to have a nice, hot bath now, so that I can hopefully get some sleep with my naughty sacro-illiac joint. Tomorrow is another day, and we'll take it from there...

Day 12

2006-04-30T15:21:00.000+02:00

This morning when I woke up, I had a slight headache. I don't know if this is fast-related, or if it was because we slept with the window closed and it was stuffy. I think it may have been the latter, because when I opened the window and got some fresh air, the headache disappeared.

Still battling with the pain, which is at this point in time in my right hip.

I still weigh safely over 50kg's. At least 51 from what I could see (I didn't have my glasses on). This bodes well for an extended fast.

I'm currently reading Morality for Beautiful Girls by A. McCall Smith, and enjoying it thoroughly. What a unique, fresh voice in these troubled times we live in.

I'm currently listening to: The soundtrack of You've Got Mail, and Theuns Jordaan. (Still).

I'm currently watching: DStv. What can I say? It's growing on me.

I had some powdered barley juice, just before we were invited to M's parents' house so he could have some pizza with them. We ended up watching a program that my mom-in-law taped for us, and I got so sleepy sitting in their comfy armchair. We were planning on visiting my parents, and Annie, who is still in town, but by then I felt really tired and quite weak. So we didn't go. I feel quite a bit better after making myself a 'green' juice (spinach, coriander and cucumber). I guess I needed that.
I feel a bit lacklustre though, and I want to eat! I'm hungry and for the first time I feel like ending the fast. But I can't do that yet. Can't quit just when it starts getting a bit uncomfortable. Can't expect it to be plain-sailing all the way.

I wish I had known about juice-fasting when I was a teen, and had pimples. I would have given anything then for my skin to be as smooth as it is now.

I'm eyeing out the cake in the fridge and longing for a piece. I guess I need some comfort food today, but that is unfortunately not on the menu. Somehow, I don't think one would have much luck juicing chocolate, lol.
For the first time since I started this fast, my willpower is being tested. I want to eat something, dammit. And not a bloody apple, either.

Days 10 & 11

2006-04-29T21:55:00.000+02:00

I have been way too active for the past couple of days, and I’m feeling it in my back and hips. Ouch! I had quite severe pain last night, and battled to sleep. They’re sore again tonight, I really need to take it easy tomorrow.

The fast is going really well. I barely know that I’m on it, apart from the fact that I have to make juice five times a day (at least). I look forward to this coming week. I’m going to take it really easy, just listen to music, read my new books and maybe even try a spot of meditating. Hopefully the weather will be a tad warmer, too.

I have no idea what my weight is, I’ll have to weigh myself tomorrow. But I don’t seem to have noticeably lost weight, which is great, after eleven days! I would so love to keep up the fast for at least 30 days.

One thing that I have noticed is that my skin is rather dry. I think I will have a tbs of olive oil tomorrow.

The stork tea was a success, and everyone seemed to have a good time. My banana bread and cheesecake were a hit. Yay! Especially the cheesecake. I seem to have stumbled onto a really good (and relatively easy) recipe. My new tin works brilliantly! I just love it. I realized today that I’ve really missed baking. I used to bake a lot as a teen, but more or less let it go after I got married, and especially when I became ill. So it’s a lot of fun getting back into it. Luckily there are a lot of birthdays coming up, so I have an excuse. The cheesecake will have to be a special occasion thing, because it’s pretty pricey to make. Over R40 for one tart.

Sonja and Jannette looked so cute and pregnant. They seemed to enjoy themselves. And little Aiden was walking around all over the place. She is just gorgeous, and very good. Such a little sweetie-pie. And Taryn is the world’s best older sister. So patient and sweet with her baby sister.

Our camera is really kaput! I tried taking photo’s today, but they are hopelessly over-exposed. I think we should make a plan this week to get a new one. What use is a ‘before’ photo if you don’t have an ‘after’ to compare it to? The idea was to take at least one photo a week so that I could check how the fast was affecting me.

Tomorrow is Day 12. Can’t believe I’ve been on the fast for 11 days already! It doesn’t seem that long. I told Michael today that I’m starting to miss eating. I’m not hungry in the slightest, but I miss tucking in, lol. Everyone commented today on my superb willpower in not eating cake, but I know better. It’s not willpower, so much as plain fear of what would happen if I broke my fast by eating cake.
Every faster knows that the most important part of a fast is how you break it. You have to start eating very gradually again, like maybe a single apple, and stick to very simple meals for a while. Things are not going to go well for you if you go form eating nothing solid for 10 days to eating a piece of cake. It just wouldn’t be worth it.
My parents-in-law came to visit this afternoon. We had such a lovely visit with them, they are so comfortable to visit with. I do enjoy their company. I’ve said it before, but I am really lucky to have the in-laws that I do. So many people don’t get along at all with their in-laws. I just have great family in general. I’m very lucky in that department. Very.

Day 8 & 9

2006-04-27T20:21:00.000+02:00

Day 8 went well, after a bit of a rocky start. I had my first juice of the day after ten, and for the first time since starting the fast, I felt a bit weak and tired. I felt a bit funny too, in a way that I associate with a water-fast. I was very disappointed, thinking that I may have to cut my fast short. But after two juices, I made a courageous comeback, and felt entirely back to ‘normal’. The rest of the day passed smoothly.

Day 9 (today) also went well. I went shopping with Michael and overdid it a bit, leading to an ms exacerbation. But I recovered well from that. Will have to remember to take it easier tomorrow. But I’m glad I went to town. I wanted to buy a spring-form cake pan, and I couldn’t just ask M to buy it for me, as I needed to see the range and decide which one I wanted. I saw this great cheesecake recipe in a magazine. I’ve been looking for one for ages, as it’s Michael’s all time favourite. I needed the spring-form tin, though. Now I have it, and the ingredients for the cheesecake, so I’m looking forward to making it tomorrow and seeing how it turns out.

I’ve having a little, informal stork-tea for my two pregnant sisters on Saturday. I’m looking forward to it a lot. Annie is coming to visit for the weekend, which is why I decided to have it on Saturday, as she is so keen to be there. It will be a surprise for Sonja, who thinks that we (her, Annie and I) will be going shopping. I had to tell Jannette, though, as I couldn’t for the life of me think how I could get her to my house under false pretences. And she’s like me, anyway, she doesn’t like surprises.
I’m going to serve the cheesecake, maybe bake a banana-bread, and buy a black-forest cake from the mini-supermarket. Then I just have to get something savoury.

Michael and I played a game of sudoku tonight, and the stakes were HIGH! If I won, he would have to forego coffee, gas cooldrinks and chocolate for the month of May. If he won, I had to forego using the telephone (incl. Internet) for a month.Well, guess what? I won! Yay!

Days 6 & 7

2006-04-25T14:33:00.000+02:00

Days 6 & 7:

Day 6 went well. No complaints at all. I read on my forum that some people juice sweet potato. Yikes! But I was intrigued, and did some research. There are a lot of juice recipes on the net that include (raw) sweet potato or yam juice. Apparently it gives one a lot of stamina.

I got Michael to buy me a sweet potato on the way home from work, and last night I juiced it, along with two carrots. It had a strange taste (no surprises there!) But the aftertaste was not unpleasant at all, and it was so filling. And I feel great today, so obviously it ain’t doing me any harm.

Today (day 7) is going fine too. It is insanely cold here. Feels as though we’ve been catapulted straight into Winter. I didn’t sleep that well, because I was getting cold, and the only way I can sleep when I’m getting cold is by curling into a ball on my side. But that really hurt my hips and I’m feeling it today. I still think they’re improving, but it’s so s-l-o-w!

I’ve just washed our Winter blanket. I have no intention of getting cold tonight. My hot-water will also be called into active service for the season.

This morning my stomach decided to work. I won’t give any more detail than that, lol. But it was a relief, because that is one of the worrying aspects of a fast, the fact that your digestive system comes to a halt. So knowing that your colon is ‘clear’ does a lot for your state of mind.

Speaking of state of minds, another great benefit of fasting is how clear your thought become and how happy you feel. It is a great problem-solving period. And I feel so happy! Focused, but happy. I can get used to this.

Also, my skin is starting to get a nice glowing look to it and the whites of my eyes are clear and, well, white.

I weighed myself about 5 minutes ago, and, without shoes, I clock in at 52kg’s. I thought it would be less, I look thinner to myself. Still, I’m happy about the 52. It means that I’m not losing weight too quickly. I’ve lost most of my potbelly, although I think that could also be because my stomach muscles are back in town, after the cortisone treatment. Who knows. But I’m glad because normally the first place I lose weight is, you guessed, straight of my chest. Hate when that happens. Why is that always the first place to lose weight, and the last to gain?

My parents were just here. My mom commented on the glowingness of my skin, and my dad on the brightness of my eyes. Totally unprompted by me, I might add. It’s just so nice when it starts to pay off. I have made juice over thirty times already since I started last Wednesday. That’s a lot of juice.

Apart from the obvious gratification of nice skin and eyes, I think the big pay-offs are still coming. My walking is improving daily, as well as my eye-sight. If things are looking this good now, I’m interested in the 30-day update. Although by then, I should be a right skinny-malinks, lol.

I’m not a great tv watcher, but it is nice to have more options with the DStv. Last night we watched Boston Legal, which Sonja has been taping for us before we got satellite. It was nice watching it ‘live’. Boston Legal is a spin-off of The Practice and I love it. James Spader’s character, Alan Shore is a complex piece of work, and I love watching him in action.

Sudoku score: 39 – 40, in Michael’s favour. I can’t believe how closely matched we are.

Day 5

2006-04-23T14:03:00.000+02:00

I experienced my first detox symptoms last night. This may have been as a result of the (cooked) prune juice that I had yesterday. My sister Sonja, who is looking gorgeously pregnant btw, told me about Safari prune juice, which has no additives or preservatives of any kind in it, and comes in a glass bottle. It tastes good, too, and helps to flush out one’s system on a juice fast, when you’re not consuming solids. However, I’ve been drinking strictly raw juice up till now, and don’t know if this was advisable.]

I went to sleep feeling fine, but woke up some hours later feeling positively weird. I was hyped up, fidgety and restless, and an old problem of mine resurfaced, where I battle to breath in a proper deep breath. I breathe shallowly, and start feeling rather panicky. But it passed soon enough and I went back to sleep. When I woke up, I was feeling fine. Better than fine actually.

I can really recommend a juice fast to anyone who wants to feel refreshed in body and mind.

My hips are really sore today. I simply must start taking it easier and rest them more.

My walking is going along not-too-shabbily at all. This is why it’s so hard to rest my back and hips because it is so exciting to be walking better.
So far, day 5 has been fab. I feel happy and full of energy. I could get used to this, lol.

Day 3 & 4

2006-04-22T11:23:00.000+02:00

Yesterday (Day 3) passed much the same as day 2. I had mild to severe pain in my back/hips/knees throughout the day. It is not so much that I can’t cope with it, than that I am very worried about the cause of the pain. But that is what I said last time, and it got better, so I’ll opt to stick it out and hope for the best.

My menu was almost identical to day 2’s, except I had a carrot & beetroot combo instead of the carrot/ cabbage one. Variety – the spice of life, lol.

I felt good, no detox symptoms to speak of. This is what I like about the juice-fast. The release of toxins from the body is so much more gradual that it doesn’t place undue strain on the body, unlike a water fast, where it just comes pouring out, and you feel grotty a lot of the time.

I did take my ‘before’ shot, as you can see. I really hope that I’m not going to lose too much weight. I loathe being a skinny malinks. I like having a bit of meat on my bones. Still, I’d rather be underweight and healthy than ‘right-size’ and sick. And like Michael says, it will be fun putting the weight back on. I can really enjoy carbo-loading, lol.
I quite like the shape I’m in at the moment (with the aid of a ferocious stomach suck-in, ha ha) I was ‘anorexically’ skinny for so long that it’s even nice to have a bit of a paunch. Speaking of the paunch, however, ever since my last mini-bout of cortisone, I have rediscovered my stomach muscles, which had gone AWOL. What an underrated part of the body! It’s so nice to be able to flex them. I can actually fit into my normal jeans again. Yay! And wear my usual tops, instead of all the baggy stuff I’ve been wearing largely to disguise my middle-age spread (and I’m only 26!)

I am absolutely determined to be healthy again. I believe it is each of our birthright – to be glowingly and perfectly healthy. I don’t believe that Our Heavenly Father created us to be ill. But I do believe that He has certain natural laws that we would be wise not to break. Like, no-one in their right mind would leap off a cliff and expect to survive. And by the same token, we can’t expect to live in a toxic environment, abuse our bodies, and for them to just keep on ‘keeping on’.
I think that somewhere, somehow in my childhood, I was exposed to toxic and contaminated water. This is not me sucking my thumb here, the land on which I grew up, is in a mining area, and exposed to all the toxic waste used in mining. To such an extent that they paid out (quite a large) settlement to the family, so there must have been something seriously wrong with the tests that they conducted. Not only that, but three of my cousins (living on the property) also contracted auto-immune diseases. That is just way too much of a coincidence, for me.

The juice-fasting detoxes one on a cellular level, exhuming long-forgotten toxins buried deep within the cells. So whatever it is that is causing my immune-system to be so on the defensive, so to speak will hopefully come out. Also, juice-fasting is known to regulate an errant immune system. And let’s face it, that’s really what I need. I am determined to sort this out, once and for all!

Day 4:

Weight (barefoot): 52kg. I have always said this is my ideal weight. Seems like I’ve lost about 1kg in three days. I hope it is not going to continue at this pace, or I will have to call off the fast sooner than I’d like to.

I haven’t really been sticking to my program that I worked out for myself, as far as the meditating, affirmations etc. goes. Why I am lax to do this, I have no idea. Surely the not-eating-solids part should be the hardest? But it’s not.
I can’t sunbathe (as recommended) much, as we’ve been having pretty manky weather lately. As I speak, the wind is howling away, and it was raining this morning.

I have been skin-brushing though. Quite proud of myself for that. Skin-brushing is where you take a long-handled, natural-bristle brush, and brush your whole body (excluding face, and any other delicate bits :-) in long, even strokes. You start at the extremities (hands and feet) and work your way up, always brushing towards the heart. This is an excellent way of stimulating your lymph system to get rid of toxins. As it is, the skin is a major, major organ of elimination. Afterwards, be sure to treat yourself to a long, hot bath.
BTW, this is also brilliant for cellulite, ladies).
I had my usual breakfast, a glass of orange and grapefruit juice. I feel pretty good, no lack of energy. I felt ever-so-slightly light-headed when I stood up this morning, but it didn’t last long enough to be a problem at all. I’m really pleased with the way this is going. Must just try and meditate a bit today. Or maybe I’ll start on Monday ;-)

Day 2

2006-04-20T21:30:00.000+02:00

Today was singularly uneventful. Which I guess is good, as I’m on a juice-fast. I did buy some Apple cider Vinegar which I have been looking for for ages. It’s organic, unrefined and preservative free, miraculously enough. The stuff is supposed to be very good for you, with a great many health-benefiting properties. It has loads of potassium, which is great for a faster.

So today was day 2. I don’t feel weak at all, which is so nice. It feels so easy to be on a juice fast as opposed to a WATER fast, which I find HARD.

Happily, I weigh more than I thought I did. 55kg’s, but that is fully-clothed and with takkies on, so I reckon it’s closer to 53kg. But that stills means that I can afford to lose more than I thought, which is great, as I would love to keep this up for a month, but not if it means going under 45kg. I still have to take my ‘before’ photo. Keep forgetting.

I bought a hot-water bottle (with snazzy polar-fleece cover) today, but it smells so strongly of rubber that I just plain can’t stand it. I think I’ll use my old one instead, with a towel wrapped around it. Thing is, my back is so sore that I can barely watch tv at night. Both my MIL and my granny suggested I use a hot-water bottle to soothe the pain, and I must say, it helps. But the new one has to go. Even Michael has commented on how strongly it smells, and he usually isn’t bothered by smells.

Today, I had: Orange and grapefruit juice
Barley green
1 Tbs flaxseed oil
Carrot and cabbage juice
Apple Cider Vinegar, in a glass of water
And the most divine glass of apple juice.

I don’t feel hungry at all. In fact, I feel great. If it wasn’t for pain in my back/ hips, I wouldn’t have a care in the world.

Ooh! Michael has just challenged me to a game of SUDOKU. Let me go and whip his ass quick, hee hee. B right back…

Oops. How was I to know that M is on a winning streak! I must stop playing that ‘You’ve Got Mail’ CD for him, ‘cos it really does it for him.
He won, 2 games to my 1. The total score is now 32:34 in his favour.

DStv is installed. Must admit, I’m not liking it that much. Where are all the old classics that I was hoping for? Gone With the Wind, The Wizard of Oz, Casablanca? I’ll be happier when we get our dish guide. I’m not one for aimless channel-hopping.

Michael seems to be enjoying it, though.

I joined a juice-fasting forum today. Looks to be very informative. I hope that I’m going to make a whole lot of new buddies there. Maybe there’ll even be someone currently on a juice fast that I can compare notes with.
Can’t find the camera to take my ‘before’ pic. Will have to do it tomorrow.

2006-04-19T15:09:00.000+02:00

I’ve officially started my juice fast. It’s going well. This morning I had a glass of grapefruit juice, and I had a glass of orange juice for lunch. Fasting (for me, anyway) is tremendously psychological. If you make it into a big deal, psychologically, then it will be.
The thing is, we’ve all been brainwashed since birth that if we skip a couple of meals we’ll die. This is a huge mental hurdle to overcome. Most of us are capable of going for a month or more without food. Fasting is an ancient practice that dates back to well before biblical times. It was nothing funny back then, everyone did it. It is just modern man that has let go of this extremely beneficial practice.
I don’t want to make any grand announcements about how long I intend to fast. I plan to take it day by day instead, and listen to my body. But I would like to make it for a month.

We are having DStv installed this afternoon. Michael has wanted it for absolute ages, me not. So we played a game of sudoku for it. More fool me. I might have known that if the stakes were high, M would win. The rules were that if he won, we’d get DStv. If I won, we wouldn’t, and I never wanted to hear another word about it. The game itself was tense, you could cut the tension with a knife.
He thoroughly trashed me! So the installation guy is coming later this afternoon. I must admit, I do feel kinda excited.

Thinking back on it, a did find the end of Dead Simple a trifle disappointing. It ended too abruptly for me. I’m not the kind of person that stares at car-wrecks, and people that were involved in accidents, but I do like a bit of gory detail in books. The guy in the book was tortured and had bits of him cut off. The book ended as soon as he was found. I would have at least liked to know what shape he was in.
Nevertheless, I would like to read the second Roy Grace novel, by Peter James. I like the character of this quirky Detective Superintendent. And I’d like to find out what happens between him and Cleo Morey. And if he ever discovers what happened to Sandy…
My back is still damn sore. Hardly got any sleep last night. I joke that my wheel-alignment must be out, because I’m pulling left (when I walk).

2006-04-18T15:34:00.000+02:00

I started my ‘healthy eating plan’ again yesterday, officially. I’m quite proud of myself. I cleared three hurdles, namely 1) fresh cheese buns, 2) a Kentucky Avalanche ice-cream, and 3) a slab of Cadbury’s caramel, my all-time favourite chocolate.
I withstood temptation, and I’m so glad I did. One has to break the cycle somewhere.

Today I’ve only had fruit so far, (resisted pancakes for lunch, lol) and intend eating raw foods for the rest of the day. I want to start with the juice-fast tomorrow or the next day. I feel excited.

I finished reading a brilliant thriller today, Peter James’ Dead Simple. I don’t ordinarily read this genre, but it was pretty gripping. I love a book that is written intelligently.

The weather is so rainy for this time of year. I wonder when it will let up.

I went to the dentist today to have him check out my chipped tooth. He said not to worry, it’s no more than a splinter. He also told me I have fabulous teeth. Yay! I got him to burr off a piece of cement that I had on one of my back teeth from wearing braces years ago. It feels much better. It’s been bugging me for a while.

Another thing that’s been bugging me is that I have to go and fetch my passport. But that means going and queuing at home affairs for hours. I’m so not in the mood for that, but I’d better go and fetch it before it disappears. It was hard enough getting the bloody thing in the first place.

Stunning day

2006-04-16T19:39:00.000+02:00

I

just had the most stunning Easter day! Well, apart from the agony in my back, blah, blah... (even I'm getting bored with hearing about it!)

M went to play golf this morning, but we've spent every moment together since then. He brought us back two chocolate Easter eggs, huge, one with an Eeyore hand puppet and one with a tigger. Well we polished those, then went and ate out at a new fish restaurant around the corner. I had a small portion of grilled calamari, which I love and chips. Delish. I've been pigging out ever since, so yes, it was a lovely, yummy, decadent day.

Whipped Mike's butt at sudoku. Currently, the score is 29:32 in my favour. Yeah baby!

I played one of my CD's (the soundtrack to You've Got Mail) while we were playing and Michael kept saying ow cool this one song is. (Jimmy Durante's You Made Me Love You). I totally agree, it is one of my favourites, but very old-fashioned, I didn't think he'd like it. We dimmed the lights, turned up the volume and held hands, listening to this stunnibng music. That is what life is about for me.
]
Yesterday, we watched such an amazing movie, In Her Shoes. Starring Shirley Maclaine and Cameron Diaz (in her first grown-up role, I think). Anyone who has a sister should watch this movie. So brilliant. M and I both cried liberally at the end. There was a poem (recited by Cammie) by e.e. cummings, called: I carry your heart. That alone was enough to move me to tears.
I'm not a great one for poetry, but I do have a couple of favourites that mean a lot to me. This is now one of them.

i carry your heart with me
by e. e. cummings

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my
true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always
meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the
bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which
grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars
apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

I am growing increasingly excited about my juice fast. The thing is, I've been wanting to do a water-fast for ages. But it's a big deal, because you run the risk of losing electrolytes, which is not a good idea. It actually needs to be medically supervised. And you get weak! Or at least I do. I don't know why I haven't done a juice fast long ago. I thought it wasn't as good, I wanted to call in the big guns, but I have since (as in yesterday) revised my opinion. Did I mention I'm excited?
I did one once previously, for nine days, and it did me a lot of good. But this time I intend going for longer. There are expensive clinics in Europe where patients juice-fast for 30 days. And are cured of such biggies as cancer. So surely my little ms won't put up too much of a fight. Naturally, you pay a LOT of money to be in aforementioned clinics, so I'll be doing it on my own. But like I said, it is ot potentially dangerous, like water-fasting, and nowhere near as uncomfortable.

I love this feeling. It's the feeling of being pro-active, of doing something. It does wonders for my mental outlook. I feel so positive again. Brimming with it, in fact. Life is so good, I just want to live it. A good session of cortisone-induced depression always makes me appreciate my usual perky disposition.

Our camera is not well. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. But today it did, And my photo's on this blog are so sorely out of date, so I thought I'd put some on that M took of me. I should lose a fair amount of weight on the fast, so I reckon a before and after should be interesting. I'll get him to do a full body shot tomorrow.

Happy Easter everyone.

2006-04-16T11:04:00.000+02:00

I'm in a lot of pain today. Barely slept last night. I was supposed to go spend the day with my parents and niece, and also to pop around to my grandparents to welcome them back home, but I'm just too sore. I'm staying home in the hope that some rest will ease my back.

On the plus side, I've normalled out, emotionally, and my walking has improved quite a bit since the cortisone. Not that I'm about to start talking about clouds and silver linings, but anyway.

I do feel a bit excited about the future. I've decided that I'm going to embark on a juice fast. I was thinking about doing a water-fast to detox the backlog of cortisone out of me, before I get some serious long-term side-effects. But that is so debilitating and yucky. Whereas a juice fast is much milder on the body, much easier to do, and the results are also very good. I'm looking forward to it a lot! I want to start sometime during this next week. I have a book order coming soon, too. Can't wait. I'm in the mood for a good read.

I'll have to update later, my back is screaming in protest...

2006-04-15T11:56:00.000+02:00

What a very dismal week this has been.

It got off to a bad start, with my hip/ back/ knee pain being back with a vengeance. Really bad. It wasn’t helped by the fact that I was walking awkwardly again. Anyway, I read on the net that some people, instead of waiting for a flare-up (with the ms) and then taking a five-day course of IV steroids, have a single day ‘maintenance’ dose every month, to keep it under control. I decided to give it a try, and my doc was on board, so I went to the hospital and got a gram of cortisone, just like that. I thought the side-effects would be less. Boy, was I wrong.

The first day I was fine (apart from the excruciating pain in my back, that is). But the next day I was wasted. So tired. I also worried that I may be pregnant, and how would that poor little baby cope with this horrible medicine. Fortunately, it turned out that I wasn’t.
The next couple of days I felt really depressed (a side –effect) and was in constant pain. I felt so fatalistic. Yesterday for the first time, I started feeling a little better. Not great shakes, but I thought that I may be interested in carrying on a bit longer, lol.
My mom phoned to tell me that a lady in our church had died, and when I hung up the phone, I cried and cried. I didn’t know her all that well, and she was going on 86 years old, but it was as if I suddenly had something concrete to feel sad about.
She loved my mom like a daughter and has left her a beautiful piano. I just found it all unbearably sad last night.
Today, the pain is still with me, but it’s not as severe. I feel a lot less sorry for myself, but I must say, I don’t think I see chance for this every month.

2006-04-08T10:13:00.000+02:00

Wow, I’m in such a better mood than I was in my last post.

I have been battling a lot the last couple of days, however. The ms seems to be back in town. I’m walking awkwardly, and this is making my hip sore again. And I’ve been eating so badly. I swear it’s been the only time I’ve felt happy lately, when I’m eating. The worse I eat, the worse I feel, and the worse I feel the worse I want to eat. Vicious circle or what? I’ve gotten a grip on myself today, though.

I phoned my medical aid and asked if I can receive the cortisone treatment as an outpatient, only going in in the mornings for an hour to get the drip. They refused. So I pointed out to them that they could save over ten thousand rand a year if they did it my way. Management discussed it, and gave me authorization to be an out-patient. Yay! They thanked me for phoning in. Apparently it’s almost unheard of for a member to phone in and actually try to save them some money. And as for me, if I have to lie in that hospital for 5 days again, I’ll seriously go off my rocker. It’s a good hospital, but it’s just too boring for words to lie there for a week, while my life gets put on hold. No man.
So now I can go and get my muti without it being such a very big deal! I’ll probably start going this week, or maybe next week, depending on how I feel.

It was lovely seeing Annie again. Just like old times!

Good to be back home with Michael, though. I missed that man! A lot!

Last night, I bit down hard while I was eating, and my front teeth weren’t 100% aligned. They ground against each other, and I chipped my bottom front tooth. I swore and carried on a bit (poor Michael). I was pretty upset. Slightly recovered now. I’ll go to see the dentist next week, and hopefully they can just buff it a bit and it will be all right.
I also want to see the dental hygienist. Back when I was 19 and wore braces, they didn’t remove all the glue properly when they took them off. I wonder if this isn’t what been poisoning my system. I’ll be glad if they can burr it off. And while she’s at it, she can shine up my smile, lol.

Sudoku Score: 14:12, if my favour.

We got a new Kenny Rogers CD, and it’s become tradition to listen to it (or another CD) while we’re playing. And also to have snacks on the table. It’s a lot of fun. (Although when we get really competitive, there’s no time to eat, lol) That is probably why I chipped my tooth, by cramming a bite of toast in my mouth and eating too fast!
Last night we played for stakes. The loser (Michael) got the honour of doing the dishes.

I’ll probably go in on Monday for my cortisone drip. I’m only getting it for one day. I saw on the net that some PwMS are trying a monthly maintenance dose of a single shot, instead of waiting for a relapse and going for the big guns. My doctor is on board, and we’re going to try it. I do like my doctor, he’s very open to suggestion. He also looks like a teddy bear, which is nice.
The main reason I want to start on Monday is that my eyes are playing up, and I don’t want to take any chances there. Also, with my walking being awkward, my hips are getting more sore by the day. Don’t like that at all.

2006-04-01T13:18:00.000+02:00

I feel tired and depressed.

The last couple of days have been difficult. I get so tired after small chores that I battle to walk. I seem to be having exacerbations again, after a blissful two months of not getting them.

Annie arrived at my parents’ house this morning, but I feel tearful and antisocial. I’ve been looking so forward to seeing her, and now I don’t even want to go there. The only thing I want to do is to stay in my room and eat junk food, but I’m trying to restrain myself from doing that, as it so won’t help matters.

I don’t know if I can face another round of this monster.

Of course, it just occurred to me that this is probably PMS. I’m the tearful kind of PMS victim. I have a good bawl, and then the next day I feel fine again. Here’s to hoping.

Blah di Blog

2006-03-25T18:55:00.000+02:00

Today is the final episode of local dance-competition “Strictly Come Dancing”. The concept was that 8 local celebs (who have never danced ballroom before) team up with 8 profession dancers and have to learn how to dance (at performers level) in a matter of weeks. Each week, one of the couples has been voted off, leaving only the finalists. Can’t wait for tonight to see who will win. I think it will be Michelle Garforth and her partner, as the other two are much too showy.

It is also presented most entertainingly by the quirky Ian von Memerty, whose show, Captain Entertainment, I want to catch when it comes here in April.

I loved ballroom dancing sooo much when I was doing it (for about a year). As soon as my balance is recovered enough, I want to start again. That and riding my bicycle. They are the two things I miss the most that require balance and a bit of stamina. Still, it’s good to have a wish-list, as you never know what might happen, right?
Oh, and going for long and leisurely walks with Michael. I used to adore that. I love peeping into all the different gardens as we go past.

Tomorrow is my Sis-in-law’s birthday. I hope with all my heart that this will be a truly magnificent year for her.

My parents-in-law are doing so well on their weight-watchers diet. They are getting sexier by the day, the two of them!

I plan to spend hours reading my Gary Larson books tomorrow. I feel like a good laugh.
Also want to go and visit my parents.

I decided to give Batman Begins a skip. I’m very selective about what I watch these days. I’m giving up LOST as it is just too much to slog through one of those episodes. I can’t stand it anymore. Also local drama ‘Binnelanders’. It is just moving too slow for words. Surely there must be better stuff to watch and spend my time on.

Well, luckily there’s Strictly Come Dancing, and also showing tonight is Shirley Valentine, which I am finally going to watch (as recommended by Wenchy).

And there are always books. These days I would much rather read a book than watch TV, anyway.

I’m walking like an old man with gout. Not sexy at all! I guess I’m just overtired from our shopping trip. I think I must start eating lower G.I. as well. Better for energy levels.
I’ve decided that I’m only going to update my blog over weekends. It’s just too expensive going online all the time with a dial-up connection. That way, I’ll also have plenty of news saved up by the weekend, so I won’t have to waffle on about inconsequential crap, lol.

Rain, rain, go away; come again another day!

2006-03-25T11:21:00.000+02:00

Anyone remember that little childhood ditty?
Must've worked, because I see the sun is peeking out its head.

We got such a nice surprise last night. Melany, Tommie and the kids came for a visit, bringing with them some Lindt Lindor choccies for us. It was actually for Micahel, to say thank you for fetching the kids from school two days this week. Which was totally unnecessary, (that’s what family is for, after all) but still very much appreciated. We’ve been trying to get hold of those chocolates for ages after being seduced by the television ad. They were worth the wait. A total melt-in-your-mouth experience. Thanks guys.

Sadly (for him), Michael lost at Sudoku last night. It was only by split seconds, but hey, I don’t make the rules. It was nice though. We had our new cd on in the background. Just lovely.

Mike has gotten us a movie to watch. A bit of a bloke one, Batman Begins, but it looks nice for a rainy Saturday afternoon.

My grandparents are coming home. They’ve been visiting my aunty in Jo’burg since December, but now my mom has found them a place in a local old-age home. Yay. Can’t wait to see them.

Annie’s coming to visit a bit for the school holidays. Can’t wait for that, either.

I’m feeling a bit sad at the state of my skin due to all the cortisone. (I’d be a lot sadder though if I couldn’t walk). But still, it’s not nice. But at least I think I do walk a happy line between conventional meds and holistic health. I think it can be to your detriment to just blindly follow either course, you need to strike that happy medium.

It was feeling distinctly wintry this morning. Apart from the rain. Shame, Quintus’ first ever rugby-match got cancelled. The little tyke must have been so disappointed.

I was so lucky yesterday. I was trying to slice the last piece of bread, which was a bit hard, and my hand slipped and I ran the (sharp, serrated) bread-knife over my left hand. I was checking to see if all my fingers were still intact, but miraculously it didn’t even draw blood. Thank goodness. I hate cuts on my hands.
There is a smell of cheese-bun wafting up the stairs that is driving me nuts. I’ve been laying off the dairy (except for the Lindt last night, but really, that’s in a class of its own). So cheese is a bit of a no-no, and ordinarily I’m not that crazy over cheese, but cheesy-buns are another story. Maybe I’ll just have a half… (lol)

Back to (blogging) business

2006-03-22T17:18:00.000+02:00

Happily, I seem to be regaining my energy after being laid low with the flu. We went on a little outing during lunch. A) To look at the new Polo, which we’re thinking of buying, B) to go to the bookshop (me) and CD shop (Michael) and C) to go to the health-shop to buy some ingredients for the health-bread I want to make.
Point is, I got around quite nicely and wasn’t that tired when we got home. The bookshop was a disappointment. None of the books that I wanted were there. I was hoping to find Gem squash Tokoloshe there, but no luck. All the Alex McCall books were there, except the one I wanted. And no Carole Matthews books, only the one I already have. Still, no worries. I have a feeling that April is 20% discount month on Kalahari.net.
Michael was a bit luckier. He got the CD he was after, local singer Theuns Jordaan. So far, I like it. Nice easy-listening stuff.
I got what I wanted at the health-shop. Lovely stone-milled, unrefined flour and natural sweetener, Stevia. It’s derived from some plant in South America. 2 drops = 1 tsp sugar, and it only has something ridiculous like 15kj per serving. I found this great bread recipe, and I’ve always wanted to make bread. I’ll give it a bash tomorrow. The article said that most of us are pretty deficient in vit. E, as it all gets stripped during the refining process and we’re left with nothing. So I’m gonna try and make my own natural loafie. More importantly, it won’t have all the preservatives and crap that commercially baked stuff has in it. My big problem is the anti-caking agents used (containing my nemesis, the dreaded Aluminium).

The lady next door asked us if we’d mind if she practiced her singing in the afternoons. We were a bit nervous about that, but today I heard her for the first time, and it was most entertaining. She sings with backing music and has a distinctly ‘country’ style. Also a lovely voice, I quite enjoyed it. I wonder if she is planning to launch a CD.

I’m fasting today. Amazing how little is fazes me now. It used to be such a big deal, now I hardly bother mentioning it to Michael. It’s quite a fascinating subject, once you start reading up on it. Apparently one’s own natural interferons are released while fasting. I much prefer the idea of that than having synthetic (or worse, animal) interferons injected into me. I’m a big fan of just letting the body go about its business of healing itself, and apparently this is precisely what regular fasting achieves.

LOST tonight. Hope it’s better than last week’s episode.
Whipped Mike’s butt at Sudoku the other night. Rematch tonight, he is a sucker for punishment, lol.

Snoozy Sunday

2006-03-19T20:41:00.000+02:00

I’m feeling distinctly better now. Still a bit run down but I guess that’s to be expected from the flu. I think I may have had dog-flu, because I spent the last week barking all week. At least, that’s what it felt like.

I had such a lovely Sunday. My mom came to visit and we watched RAY together. We’ve been going through a bit of a Ray Charles period anyway, music-wise, so it was a treat. I can totally see why Jamie Foxx received an Oscar for his part.

Michael went to play golf in Jo’burg, only got back about 30 mins ago. I’m in disgrace for telling him about a male polar bear ripping a cub apart for food while he was eating his steak. What can I say, I wasn’t thinking. It’s not like I was eating the steak so good table manners kinda slipped my mind.

I loved the polar bear doccie. I forgot how much I love my nature films. It was so interesting. I’ll probably wax lyrical about it tomorrow, but right now I’m too sleepy to bother. (Or to put my new signature to good use. Thanks Wenchy ;-)

Watch this space tho.